I'm with Melodylane on this one, it IS about being a moral, decent human being, not just : "What will it do to benefit me?"

What a sad world we would live in if human being stopped caring for the needs of others above their own needs...

Apache, I see real progress in your thoughts and know that you will have the strength to handle this well.

When I called my W this morning, she got really upset (crying) and finally, for the first time, told me she needed companionship. First time she has ever wanted to discuss her needs. Said that I am always gone.

I have been home for 8 months, but she has pushed me away the entire time. I can't be around every minute she is free. Her workdays go from 8 am to 4 pm. Mine are from 6 am to 5 pm. I am around the rest of the time (except for training exercises like the one I'm on now).

I took 30 days of leave upon returning from deployment. She went to see her sister in France for 3 weeks then - just after telling me she wanted a divorce 4 hours after my plane arrived from Afghanistan. Every time I take time off - she would schedule something to do away from me, then says I'm never around. That's BS.

Now she says I'm never around to be her companion.
Just can't win - YET. I know it will get better, and once I get home I'll spend as much time with her as possible. Maybe she'll realize how much I'm around now - since she is asking for companionship. We'll see.

Thanks for being here.

apache -

Take this slowly. Wait until you get back and let the OM's wife know. Then you can go from there.

Your wife is not making sense. I still think she is hurt and afraid. But when you get back, you will find out more.

Please take care, and tell your fellow warfighters that the American people are very grateful for the sacrifices they are making.

Yep. That's what I was thinking - W is very confused now - seems to be on a roller coaster many times during the day. I had already decided to wait to tell OMW until I got home and was there with my wife.
I should be home in 4-5 days.

Oh, Apache, I almost forgot, I so seldom stick to the MB plan. But now that she has identified a need, don't argue about it. That may be the way she feels, or just another excuse.

However, Dr. Harley does say to spend 15 hours a week together, doing companionship type things. I don't think it includes chores, etc. So when you get back, I would set that as a goal. Just keep track of the time, and write it down each day.

Then you will be doing the MB plan and see where it leads.

apache - Please see my post under general questions. We have a PFC captured in Iraq. Thanks.

This weekend I've had some interesting conversations with my wife. Yesterday she called and told me how she had been telling a friend about me and some of the comments I made over a month ago about how she looked in a couple of her dresses (we were going to a couple of formal events). The comments were flattering and I really meant them, but they were also humorous. I haven't thought about them since. Now she is telling friends about them?? Like they really made her feel good to hear them.

Today I called her and she sounded very unhappy. She did not go to church (she attends regularly) and stayed home. It was a tough day for her. She is lonely (I will be home in a few days) and wants to talk, but said she was afraid to tell me what she was thinking because it might hurt me (she was thinking about OM).

Sounds like she is making comparisons between me and OM. She referred to him as a "bad boy" and said he is totally different than me. DON'T get me wrong - I don't take that as an insult. After hearing other things about OM - I'm glad we're so opposite. She also said that she is craving companionship and that he hasn't contacted her, but there have been times, if he did contact her and ask to get together, she would. Well, that just solidified my decision to tell OMW.

Anyway, the general gist of what she said to me sounded like she was realizing who/what OM really is, and is not. He is not me - the good and the bad. She has said in the past that she does not trust him very much now. Sounds like now she feels very lonely and thinks that she cannot be with OM and that I might decide I don't want to be with here anymore (once I get the real truth and details I have been asking for).

Does anyone have recommendations on where we / I go next? She is still not ready to go to MC and I really think she is looking for someone to give her a free pass on owning up to her behavior - I won't give her that free pass, and I'm not asking for one either.

<small>[ April 18, 2004, 10:48 PM: Message edited by: apache03 ]</small>

apache -

Tread lightly when you get back. Most WS's are not ready to talk about it until they feel safe. Check out the home page "Quick Clicks" about what to do with an unfaithful wife, restoring the marriage and overcoming resentment.

When you first get back, try to spend some time with her doing some pleasant things. And you do need to tell the OM's wife. It is the best thing I ever did. Now OW's husband and I talk every few days.