bumping this for durham76 and also to give update.

Star*fish, I'm not comfortable with our decision having OW back down from the production, but its a non-paying gig and she was intentionally trying to work with WH. It was like she was signing up to play WH's softball team.

She's called us once since Tuesday and WH had me listen to the message and erase it. We will not answer any of her phone calls, voice mails, and if we do on accident we will hang up. Any letter she sends WH will write Return to Sender and I will mail.

WH has some hard days right now, I think withdrawal is happening but not quite sure how much is withdrawal over OW and how much of it is doubt over the future and what kind of a man he is.

WH loves me like his best friend but does not see me as loveable. MC actually made him tell me this, that I'm not loveable and then WH got protective of my feelings. Side note, who's comfortable talking to their best friend while their friend is taking a bath?

He'll talk about getting a car with room for three car seats in the back (we have 1 daughter, a second child on the way, so he wants to be prepared for another child?) while imagining us being really good divorced friends. I told him if we divorce he'll loose all of me, friendship included. We will only share parenting. Then I pointed out how close his parents are NOT as a result of their divorce.

My WH thought our M was really good before the A. Our 2nd pregnancy freaked him out. The week the PG test came back positive he started dating OW. He thought he could handle his relationship with OW, his pride let him play with fire. My theory: He gave up his love for me to love another and escape from increasing responsibilities. We didn't know as a couple how to talk to each other about our fears and instead of turning toward each other we turned away.

Now, we are learning to turn toward each other again. As long as we work on our communication, allow ourselves to open up honestly, start meeting EN's, and continue supporting each other, "in love" will return. I am not going to worry about "in love" or let his lack of it effect my actions (except I will not initiate SF - he's not comfortable sharing SF with me).

I don't trust what WH says, I only believe his actions. We do our Retrouville dialogues every night before bed. He let me know OW called, let me know he wanted to call her back, let me hear her message and erase it. Hugs me and calls me all day at work.

I'm deciding to not be miserable or afraid. I don't have any plans for the future, I am just making the decision to love my WH and save my marriage and family to the best of my ability. If more crap hits the fan there is always plan B.