Mom, I agree with the others about the MB weekend, he's not ready. He sees MB'ers as the enemy and there is no way right now that he is going to go into this with an open mind.

When he has been out of the affair longer and truly wants to make changes in his personal life that will make him a better husband and father, then it could be beneficial. Right now it would seem like an intervention from all of us evil marriage saving lunatics!

Take it one day at a time. He knows the OW is not the ansewer,(wow, I came back to edit the poor spelling and realized that sewer may have been the correct sentiment after all...) he has said that. He is in a professional mess and feels that his home life is a battle zone, he has nowhere safe to go.

You need to make your home a safe place so that he can come and sort out his feelings about his life and his family. His ego is eating him up and the last place he needs to be is at the hospital or the race track, he's a big guy there... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Keep us posted, Ladysing

<small>[ April 13, 2004, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Ladysing58 ]</small>

mom...I feel like I have to put in my two cents worth here or bust. Ok, I'm a FWW and I guess I just don't understand some of what I read on here about FWH. I understand about you as the BS trying to make the home a comfort zone for him. BS!!!! Ok, I feel better. I'm sorry if this goes totally against MB rules but it's just my opinion. Why should you have to take all the sh*t just so he want have been LB'd. When I told my H about my A back in July I bent over backwards to make it up to him in every way that I could. I am the one that took the iniative to try and comfort him and sooth him, not the other way around.

At some point, your WS has got to get a clue that you as the BS is on the hurting end and need something from him to show a little remorse about what he has done to you and your kids!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Is this a male thing because most of the FWW's that I have gotten to know on here do not appear to have this same attitude as the men do.

Any thoughts on this are welcomed.

Hi Lisa, Hi Mom.

I haven't posted to you either, being the WW and all.

First when I read your posts I thought you were probably LB'ing Dad too much. Then, reading on, he really isn't doing much to rebuild is he?

I am like Lisa, I have bent over backwards with my H not to say hurtful things - though I have occasionally but not intentionally.

I have gone home early on Friday nights when I used to stay at work for drinks - he has said he doesn't mind me staying but I'd rather spend the time with him and show him I mean well.

I tend to drink too much in the weekends. I know H hates this so I have really cut down.

Everything is open to him, cellphone, e-mail, here, whatever.

The girls at work are organising a weekend away and I wouldn't dream of going this early in recovery.

Doing all sorts of things to make things better but making sure I'm doing as much work as him.

Jenny

Mom- I agree with lisa- you need to take care of yourself-does he show any empathy at all? You sound like an intelligent woman- who needs a break from all of this- it is hard to be the only one trying-screw him- don't let him make you crazy- I feel like that alot- but people on this site have helped me realize it is ok to feel the way I do and that all I can do is take the time to step up to the plate and be good to myself- the attention is on him- you worry about his feelings- while your heart is broken- back off- give yourself some time- he can wait- if he continues this nonsense with the OW- he is an idiot-(sorry- but i feel for you) Take care and believe that you and your kids will get through this. ((((((((((HUGS TO YOU))))))))))))))))

Hi M23B,
I just posted to D23B for the first time. I've tried not to LB him myself (LOL)...but some of his recent posts really pissed me off.

Please talk to an IC.... I think you are having terrible anxiety right now...that's why it's so difficult to keep your emotions in check.

Listen to me.... when I first found out (the same week you did)....the FIRST piece of advise I got was to NOT make a decision for at LEAST 6 months...your emotions were just too raw right now.

Mom... remember that ! You have NOT made a decision...and D23 needs to understand that. You may hit YOUR 6 month mark and decide..hey you know what.... this M isn't worth saving.

I know you want this fixed and over with...I WANT THAT FOR YOU TOO.... WE ALL DO !!!!

Please inhale..step back...and refocus on YOU. You are SO right...you can NOT fix this on your own...and your continous effort is exhausting you. Plan A...absolutely...but slow down until he catches up....you're second and third wind will have depleted and you won't have the strength left.

Remember.... labor....3 times...remember...SAVE YOUR ENERGY FOR DELIVERY !!!

We're here for you.... your courage is amazing...I'm in awe of you.

Mom2-3boys,

You've got is right but you also need to chill a bit. Your needs are starting to get a bit demanding and he isn't quite ready to take all of it on yet.

Breathe a bit and go read what I posted to him. I will be home tonight, call if you need to chat.

So how did the session with Steve go....dare I ask?

Hugz,
L.

Thanks everyone! I have been out Monday and Tuesday...most of the day. I had every intention of coming here last night to post, but I never made it. I will be here in a bit to reply.

Orchid the session went well. Steve understands where I am coming from and he didn't yell at me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He is really helping H, I think. My email is not working right now, just in case you have tried to email me...hence the reason I haven't emailed you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Maybe I will call you tonight. that would be nice!