I figure intimacy is a good thing. As long as you are not being hurt...

I came across something about that a few days ago...

hold on for a sec...

here it is:

Sex with Estranged Spouse?

hope that helps,

dewt

Thanks Dewt. I couldn't get the page to come up yet. I really don't know if I'm being hurt by it or not. At the time it gives me hope that our M is on the right track, but then the next day he is distant and pouty and I go on the emotional roller coaster.

patience.

dewt (who is awesome at giving advice he should follow himself)

It is very difficult for anyone to follow. I want everything to work out, yet I don't want to be on this emotional roller coaster. Can't have both can we. I saw a counselor today. He said that it would be really hard to counsel without both parties attending. That will never happen!

hurt:

My husband did the same EXACT thing. We should get together and compare notes. One day, he would be sweet, crack jokes, remind me of my old, loving, loyal H. He would crawl in bed, cuddle, not necessarily say I luv u, but would act very lovingly. Sometimes, he would be so desperately cuddling, that at night, after he fell asleep, I felt practically SUFFOCATED. I would get hope, believe that he had left that behind, that we would be able to move past this quickly and fairly neatly. And then, two days later, he would be mean, distant, practically FLINCH if I touched him, would be so far over on the other side of the bed, I wonder how the hell he didn't fall right off the mattress. And this went on in my house for MORE THAN 6 MONTHS!!!!!!!
So I can definitely relate to your comments. It sucked. Eventually, I just coveted the nice times, and TRIED LIKE HELL NOT TO GET MY HOPES UP and I would tell myself that even though he was acting nicely, I knew damn well he had not PERMANENTLY ended it with the OW. And when he was mean, I was always right, because I, too, can wager that those times were in direct correlation with times that he had heard from her!!! GET UP TO SPEED ON PLAN A. Get on anti-depressants (and look, I used to be really ANTI, anti depressants). I would judge others and say, they are wrong to take that, just suck it up, how you feel is a choice, you should not have to take mood altering drugs to function, and I can tell you now, these things SAVED MY [censored]! And get into individual counseling or hire Steve Harley or Jennifer.

True enough. If he won't join you in counselling, you can still benefit by going alone. Any benefit to you will make you a more balanced and whole person which will (down the road) make you a more attractive mate. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain with a good counsellor.

dewt

ChristyV,
How did you do it for 6 months? I have made a decisions to go with plan A until June. That is when my son and I will begin summer break from school and I will be able to fully focus with a good frame of mind. If at this time I know for certain he is still talking to OW I am asking him to leave. I cannot do plan A for that long. My children are suffering from this stupid mess and I have needs that need to be met also. So, is this wrong of me to limit plan A to 2 months? I have no proof that he has talked to her since I told him to make a decision and he hasn't really been distant. Maybe he has seen the light. Should I get my hopes up?

Yep, you should get your hopes up. Stick with us, we will help you through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hurtnp:
<strong> So, is this wrong of me to limit plan A to 2 months? I have no proof that he has talked to her since I told him to make a decision and he hasn't really been distant. Maybe he has seen the light. Should I get my hopes up? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hurt, 2 more months will be just fine. Most women do it for 3 months, some for 6 months. In the meantime, I would be snooping to gather as much info as you can in order to help you end this affair. And expose, expose, expose. I posted some questions on your other thread.

Thanks Melody. I have exposed the A to most all family members. This angers him to no end. He says I am turning his family against him. What he really doesn't understand is HE is turning his family against him, not I. They are very against smoking, drinking, and cursing. She does all of these things and has a very bad reputation along with being married twice. His dad has already stated she will not be welcome at his house even if we do D. My couselor suggested I ask again for him to do counseling. He has been very good for three days. Do I dare want to upset him by bringing this up?