Well she came to pick up her mail and I gave her the letter, I'm not sure if this is going to work or not on her part I mean it will work for me I know this. I said it would mean a lot to me if she would read the letter. We talked about bills that was it she was asking if I was paying them and I said of course that I wouldn't stoop that low to not pay bills and ruin both of our credits. It's weird I asked if she wanted to talk of course she said no she asked if I wanted to and I said no. It's like she doesn't give a sh** at all and that's sad I don't know who she is she didn't even call her niece and nephew or any family on Easter. I don't know why maybe guilt maybe not I don't know. Anyways it's a done deal now I made SIL the intermediary who knows maybe my W will talk to her sister cause she sure hasn't talked to anyone else. Thanks for letting me vent. I should have done this from the begining WAT your a smart man.

<small>[ April 16, 2004, 10:18 AM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

Hey tinman-
Good luck buddy- my h is in Florida- my mil has been talking to him- i hope he listens- all I can do is pray- I have completely dropped the OW from my thoughts- it is no use going on this way- I am only making myself crazy- I will be more alert- but whatever he does is on him- he knows that-I can't stress that enough- as for your w- she is going through what sounds like a trying to be distant period with you- maybe she feels that you are too clingy- or that you are weak to be struggling to hold on- Back off a little- the ball is in her court- take care of yourself- people like us forget to do that-WE make our happiness- they are just lucky enough to share in it-be strong and keep busy- that helps me and I realize- what is done is done- you can't go back- only forward- Good luck and please, please take it easy- she is the one with the problem- not you...

Thanks Josie I know she has the problem I just want to think the rational person is there and I can talk sense into her. I know now that this is not the case. For now I'm going to read books and work on me so if there is the possability that she wants to work on recovery I can be prepared for it. If not then my life goes on. Thanks again for your encouraging words it's going to be hard not to worry about her. I will survive thank you Gloria Gainer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there, Plan B is very pleasant after awhile. It has been a lifesaver to me, even though I have not done the best Plan B ever.

Thanks believer I will stay strong in my Plan B the only thing that would take me out of it is if the OM hurts my W that I will not tolerate and I mean physically(sp). Like Josie said I don't need to be needy clingy person and this will prevent that from happening. I just don't know how long I can last but for now will take it one day at a time.

Tinman,

Don't do what I've done. For the Plan B to have any STEAM at all, you have to stick to it. And she is going to call your bluff...believe me. And it is going to be masked as other stuff (financial discussions, inconsequential crap), but it is the same thing...her thinking "are you really going to stop communicating with me like you've said you were. And if you mean business with this, maybe you are about OVER me being off with another man, and would mean business about walking away from me and this marriage." It is so powerful, but only if you stick to your guns. I have screwed up immensely and the all the steam from my argument is gone. It will take me that much more to convince WH I am moving on.

Tinman,

Believe me you won't regret it. I have had to come out of Plan B and I have regretted every single minute of it. After tomorrow I am back to Plan B, for me and the kids it is most helpful. Who cares about WS. You have to have your sanity.

NY

Thanks Christy and Hopeful like I said one day at a time I don't even think she's really going to call me it seems as if this is what she really wants. If she does call I'll be amazed. I'm not having a problem with the Plan, I know it's just my first day of this well more like my 8th since I haven't heard from her since last Sunday and that is even if she reads the letter I gave her she might not even read it but I can't sit here and think about that it does me no good. The part that worries me is if I can hold out on waiting for her to make the right decision or if I just move on my projected wait time is July and if she's not back by then I'll see where I stand on me and my decision but for now like I said one day at a time. Maybe Jennifer though I should do this because of some of the ways my W responded to certain things and that's the hope I hold on to. I'll call Jennifer in about 3 weeks and give her an update. Thanks again for the support.

<small>[ April 13, 2004, 08:23 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

well it's started, the next leg of the race. you're in a marathon, not a sprint and you have to do what is needed to finish strong. i would bet that she did probably read the letter. but do what you can to stick to plan B but also know that every situation is different to a certain extent. i think it's a good idea to touch base w/jennifer again. remember you're moving forward not back, that when and if she comes back that's what you want her to realize that you don't want to go back to the way it was but want to go forward w/something new and revitalized.

i went to bed early last night because i was up so early due to my session w/SH was at 0600. anyway when i prayed before i went to bed, of course i prayed for a bunch of things including those on the MB forum and especially for you, and i actually think it was around the time you gave her the PBL, i guess it depends on what time zone you're in. anyway, start the non-smoking thing again and do what you can to "stay in shape" and much prayers to you.

Tinman,

You aren't paying her bills for her, are you? It really is important that you don't prevent her from experiencing the consequences of her actions. You shouldn't be paying her bills. A good idea is to split your CC's in half and take your name off her half and vice versa. Everything else should be split accordingly to use.

Thanks RR for the encouraging words. ML I take care of the house bills since I live there the only one she takes care of is her car. I've already opened my own bank account and split the money in our main account. I don't know why she would ask if I was using her Discover card. I mean really how much of a dirt bag does she think I am? I didn't break the trust so if anyone should be worried about that it should be me. I did cancel her off my GM card, I told her that if she was worried about me using the Discover card to call and cancel my card. Anyways I think she was just reaching for more rationalzation for her A. Sad how the WS mind works isn't it.

Tinman,

Hang in there! We are here for you! Post I will answer you. Keep busy. The first three weeks suck real bad.

NY

Ok TM, you are on your way.

SO,what exactly are your plans for staying busy and NOT taking a peek outside of Plan B?

As many of us can attest to,breaking your Plan B hurts so make sure you have all your duckies in a row to keep that from happening. I know your WW has been living with OM since Feb so Plan B might not be as bad for you these first few weeks but just keep posting and venting.Like HNY said,we're here for ya. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

o

Thanks Hopeful, I hate to say this I will be ok because it's time for me to be selfish and worry about me even though I know I will worry about my W I can't help that and maybe that will get easier as time goes by (One Day at a Time).

Tinman,

You have the right attitude. You do need to think about you now. I felt this way too, and then about two weeks into it I freaked out. Just know I am here for you, been there done that. One day at a time is the only way to do it.

NY

Octobergirl I'm going to take care of the house and yardwork this weekend and if I feel the need to call her I will call my parents or my brother anyone else but her. I play a game online that I could get back into to kill time with. Wash the truck watch movie's maybe get a massage. I'll figure something out but I do have a plan for this weekend. I did get invited to a bachelor party this weekend but I'm on call for work. Beside getting drunk would not be a good thing to do I think of her often when I do.

Good job, Tinman. Keep up the perfect Plan B and you won't regret it. When I did it, I hadn't felt so much freedom since I stopped wearing underwear! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by The Tinman:
<strong>I mean really how much of a dirt bag does she think I am?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You can assume that to her, you are public enemy #1. The scourge of the earth. You are the reason for all her problems. Got it? Don't believe it, just assume this is her view of the world.

If she tries to contact you and you sense any anger, take comfort that she's a normal WS and is following the script.

WAT

Tinman,

I know you don't have any children, but I find that the weekends are extremely hard for me esp. when the kids are at their fathers house. So if you need to email me I am at Tracestar@aol.com just put tinman in the subject line so I know to open it. I sign on several times a day, and I have other MB members email me. I have becomes very good friends with a couple.

It is always nice to make friends, you can never have enough of them. Esp. during times like these. So take care, keep busy, and look in the mirror often and you will see that you are the person that you want to be. You are good, honest with integrity and you have morals. Don't look back for a second. Good Luck!

NY

I'd like to join this thread. I went into Plan B last Friday but never sent a letter. However I did'nt stick to it and yesterday he came to do the lawn and pick the dogs up. Although I was sad to see them go it meant if they were not here then he would'nt have a reason to call. I felt he was just throwing me crumbs

He has no bills to pay here now in fact he gave up all responsibility for selling the house. So I sent my Plan B letter by email today taking some lessons out of Dr. Dobsons love "Love must be Tough"

Now I know I've got to stick to it for my own sanity but I just feel so sick to the stomach.

So Tin Man you are not alone lets see if we can all hang in there. I'm told you can't be under a rain cloud forever

One more on board if that is ok...I am in Plan B as well...WS has to come to the house Friday to do some things that I cannot do myself otherwise I would not allow it...will be a tough day and the following day when he is gone again... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />