Today I have my two beautiful granddaughters for the day...I took them to the mall and then out for lunch...they are the light of my life and I thank god for them each and every day...their smiles just touch my heart...they are now watching a Disney movie...they have begged to have a sleepover tonight but it has been very difficult to explain why WS is not here to be with them so they have finally stopped asking about WS...previous to this my nerves were so shot and I had a hard time not to cry in front of them but I am much stronger now...I think I will plan a girl's sleepover tonight with the three of us...have to start sometime and tonight is as good as any <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ April 17, 2004, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

Well HINY is here. And guess what? There may be some trouble tonight. You see, I have no kids on accident. One went to a party for the night, the other his grandparents house. What is a poor girl to do? I might just have to out and party tonight. I hope I don't get into trouble.

I got information from MIL that I am not sure I wanted to know. On Wed. when WH came and we had our big conversation about him being two people one when here and one when with her bla, bla ,bla and how he thinks about coming home twice a week to see if we can work it out and all that crap. Well I thought he left here and went to OW house for sure. He didn't he went straight to MIL house and they talked and cried for two hours. He is seriously thinking about coming home she said. I don't know if that is a good thing or not. I mean it is what you want, and then when it starts to look like reality it is really scary. I don't know if I can do this or not. I mean he isn't even here asking and I am already freaking out. I must have really hit a nerve.

HINY

Geez HINY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What are you going to do?...I have often thought about this and have decided I would not want WS to come home right away ..WHY..you say ...well number one he has to get his A$$ to a councsellor first to straighten his life out and second I will not go through another false reconnection where I find out he is still in contact with OW...this is so hard to call for you but I do know you will think hard and long and come up with the solution that is right for you and your family...I wish you well and am praying God will give you the wisdom to handle this situation

NO

Well seeing how he hasn't come asking or calling yet, I am just going to go about life for now. I also am not going to just go back to the way things were. He definitely will go to IC, and we will go to MC. He isn't moving one toe in here until I am positive this is what he wants. We went through 6 weeks of false recovery and he was still seeing OW behind my back. He would stop and see her every night after work and then come home and have sex with me. Yuck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Anyway, I am not worrying yet. We have a long way to go before I have to worry about him doing this. He is sitting on the fence still leaning her way for now. If he ever falls off my way, it will be my way or no way. I have already decided not to be #2 ever again to anyone. I am way to important to me for that. I will keep you posted though on this soap opera of my life.

HINY

HINY I mean that is good news to a point. I didn't look to see how long you H has been gone but I haven't heard a peep from my W and I won't I don't think so that makes my Plan B easy for me because I don't want to call her at all. I want her to think about me for a while and wonder what I'm doing. It will be good for her, at least that's what I hope. I know it's a nerve racking time but I would rather have my W home to make at least some kind of effert to reconcile then not have her at home at all. I did do one thing though and I gave her my word. I said that if anything happend where she's living she can come here and stay until she finds a place. I know wrong thing to do but this was before I went into Plan B and I can't go back on my word. I hope that doesn't happen, I don't know what I'd do. I'm not going to worry about that now. Going to my friends house tonight to see what work he did on the house and have dinner there after the hockey game.

Hi Tinman,

Well WH has actually been gone since July 03 when his A started. I didn't find out until Nov. 03, the day after halloween. He moved out in Feb of 04. I had been in Plan B since 3/5/04, but had to come out for a week. I actually think it was a good week though. It was hard, but it gave him lots to think about. Well I am not sitting around waiting for him that is for sure. I am going out tonight with my friend and having a good time myself. I think he needs to brew a little longer before he is ripe. He definitely isn't ready to come home yet, but he has potential. We will see what happens I guess.

HINY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well WH has actually been gone since July 03 when his A started. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you sure that is when A started?...I discovered WS's A on July 4th/2003 ...we tried to reconcile on and off and he finally WS left on Oct 4th..after I caught him still seeing OW...found out his A had gone on longer than I suspected...started in June 2002 so just wondering if this may have been going on longer than you think?...

Hopeful - Plan B is so great. Take your time, do not take WH back with no conditions. Stick with us, you will get through this.

NY, I am so envious about you and of course happy for you. Go enjoy yourself. i wish I can have something like that. But I am so attached to my family, I only enjoy those family events with the whole family. Now Wh is gone, i even don't want to go to anything. i need to pull myself out of that.

NO

Yeah it took me a while to get the real dates out of him. We went to a dinner and OW was there, she had him pressed up against the wall. Me and my friend laughed about it I said oh hell get out of it. Then OW came over and said hi or something to me, and I said ewwww and we laughed some more. I said I don't think I have anything to worry about. Well that was in April of 2003 and he started EA in July 2003, and he starting humping on her in August. This all came out during out 6 weeks of false recovery in which he only came back because of his DS and the house. So it has nearly been a year he has been banging on her. Makes me really wonder what the hell I am doing here sometimes. Esp. when it gets down to the wire like this.

I found out from MIL tonight that he has gone to visit a Marine Corp buddy in Indiana. That is 12 hours from here. He did not take OW. I think he needed time to himself to think. That is what I am thinking anyway. A long time ago his friend bought me a pistol and we were always going to go out and get it and pay him for it. It was just a little darringer. Well we never did, so he has gone out to get it I guess. I wonder what he will do with it now, as it was supposed to be my gun. Anyway, I am glad he isn't with OW for the weekend and that he is on his own and thinking hard. His MC buddy is very family oriented and level headed if anyone can straighten him out it is him. He called the day WH was moving his stuff out and said what the hell is going on. I said he is moving out for her, want to talk to him. So I handed him the phone and he went upstairs. I turned on the baby monitor and listened in. He was telling his friend that he was moving to his brothers to clear his head, so he lied to one of his best friends also. That made me sad for him. Who he had turned into. He knew he was leaving for her and for good that day so he should have told him that. Anyway enough rambling.

I am in Plan B, doing great, feeling great and loving life. Chat at you tomorrow I hope.

HINY

Where is everyone. Am I the only loser home on a Saturday night.

I really miss my H today. Really feel lonely. I can do all these things to stay incredibly busy, but when the day is over and it is time to come home to your empty house...it is really hard. Kids are with him this weekend. So it is REALLY empty...just me, the dog, and this computer screen.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Christy,

No I am a loser sitting her on a Sat. nite also. Just hang in there with Plan B, it gets better.

HINY

is anyone still on here? i can't figure out the aim chat. it says it can't find you hiny <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Plan B is going along quietly for me. Last night I watched old scarey movies, and then couldn't sleep. So I read for awhile.

It's very peaceful for me now. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. It is actually very pleasant.

Is everyone else hanging in there okay? After awhile in Plan B, WS's usually start showing up when you least expect it.

I call myself in pre-Plan B now. I can't wait to start a real one. But I just don't know what to do with myself, I mean activities. There is not much to do here. Any suggestion?

L&H

You really have to find yourself things to do for a while and then it just becomes natural. I had to go to the library and take out books, rent movies, go shopping, even just go to friends house's and hang out for a while. I spend a lot of time on the computer, and the phone. I also have young children so they keep me busy. Boy if I didn't have them I would go nuts.

HINY

NY, how are you doing? How was lastnight's party? Did you have a good time.

Thank you for your suggestion. I did some of them, like going to the library, reading books and Bible, glue to the computer, talk a lot on the phone. But I don't have friends, I mean personal close friends, I don't like shopping. I will go if I have to, I am putting my shopping for crusie till last. Sometimes I have to force myself to do that.

I enjoy coming here to talk, I enjoy talking on the phone with friends I know here. But I need something more physically.

L&H

I can't really help you there. I felt that way in the beginning of Plan B because I only have one real good friend and she is getting married in 10 weeks so she is all enveloped in that right now and could care less how I feel. I am starting to take classes at college again, you can never be too smart. I am also just doing things for fun and to meet people. I am taking a hunters safety course next week so I can shoot this gun I have here the next time a [censored] comes around. A few weeks ago I had one at my basement door, freaked the dog out and the kids. I don't think he was sick, but I just felt unprotected. My WH bought me a 22/410 a while back but I never learned to use it. I am going to take advantage of this and go learn how to use it.

You just have to find things to do. The one thing I did notice now is that since WH left and I have lost 50 lbs. ,changed my hair color and have so much more confidence in myself, men really do the double take now. I have to be careful, I might just take one up on there offers these days. It is hard to keep busy, but soon you will find that there are a million things that you always wanted to do and never had time. I really need to shampoo my carpets, whether or not I will remains a mystery, but it is something to do that needs to be done. Yesterday I got all the stuff around for my annual run to the salvation army. Too small clothes, unopened, unliked Christmas presents the kids received all of that. Now I have to load it in my truck and take it to the place. You have to use your noggin for finding things to do. Good Luck!

HINY

You guys are doing great! Keep up the great work. I am so glad you all have startedt his thread!

L&H...Are you going on a cruise?

NY, great suggestions. I may start taking some classes too. Actually I am a college prof. There are a lot to do if I want to, I am grdually there.

Mom, great to hear from you. yes, i will be going to Bermuda cruise 4/23, and be back 4/29. Then will hope to plane 4/30. we willarrive Oakland airport at 1pm. I hope to see you soon. Please send me an e-mail at kzmath@hotmail.com.