</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you're looking for a hobby that will fill up some time, try genealogy </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey turtlehead...I completed a book on my family a few years back...what fun...was able to trace all the way back to my first ancestor coming over to Scituate, Mass...my family was so pleased that I took the time to do it and was great to do all the detective work seaching...that is why WS is soooo scared of what I have found..he watched me for a whole year uncover everything in genealogy...he knows I don't give up until I find what I am looking for <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

HINY I'm not on the eastcoast either, Midwest here. I'm trying to save money anyways just incase the worst happens since I take care of all the house bills.

Tinman,

I'm not in Plan B so am busting in on your thread, too (but I read it because it is looking very likely that I will have to really do a Plan B in the near future--one that I actually stick to).

So there really is someone else from the midwest posting on here besides me???

I though everyone was either in south Florida or California!

ll

Well I made a mistake today, before anyone gets out the 2x4's no I didn't call my W. I did go to our joint bank account and see that she did a change of address so now I'm feeling hopeless. I know it doesn't mean much but when you have nothing at steak but a house and no children it's hard to positive. I know I should wait this out. Maybe I should look at it in another light at least I haven't got served DV papers yet. That might be because I said I'd contest the DV. I don't know just wanted to post to vent cleaning up the kitchen right now to take my mind off of this crap. I want so bad for someone in our little posting group here to have their marriage work out so I can see a success story in action. Why oh why did this happen <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> please give me strength to make it through this. Sorry if I bummed anyone out.

okay Tinny,

I told you it was going to happen. This is what happened to me also. I got this thing in the mail from the post office saying he changed his address. Pretty soon none of his mail was coming here, and no bills were either (which I like) but anyway it doesn't mean anything. It is going to be okay either way remember that. I know it is hard, and it sucks for the first three weeks. I can't tell you how much it sucks. It will and I promise you with all my heart it will get better. One way or another, if you stay in Plan B it will get better. You will start to emotionally detach from her and one day you will wake up and say it doesn't really matter which way she chooses. I want her to come home, but if she doesn't that is okay too. I am here for you, as to why this happened to you I can't answer only you and her know the answer to that question. I asked myself that very same question a million times.

Since the beginning of this I have really taken the time to examine myself and him as well. I did figure out that he has issues with not having a relationship with his father,and he has agreed with me on this. I also had issues, I am in IC. I am here for you. Someone on this board will have their marriage again.

I posted to SS for a long time, and we became friends. We were emailing each other constantly saying it didn't seem possible for the WS coming home. Now look her H is home with her and they are working on it. It is possible, it can happen. It looks dark today, but tomorrow or the day after the light might come through. If you read the lighthouse post it makes so much sense. Just be the lighthouse for when the fog clears. Just be there with open arms. Call out for Mortarman he is awesome in the Plan B. I have called out to him several times. He is busy these days so it might take him a while to answer but he will. God Bless you!

HINY

((((tinman))))

hugs and prayers go out to you. i did the same thing this wkend. checked his cell calls and bank acct (ours have always been separate - but i still know his pswds!) i kind of feel stupid for doing that since it made me feel hopeless. but like you, i haven't been served papers yet, and that keeps my hopes going. lets just give them time, this rollercoaster has got to end soon.

take care of yourself.

ps. try not to let the kid issue bother you too much, i have our s w/me, but i worry constantly that my h won't come back because of him. (he has a disability)

pss. you know. i really hate roller coasters. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Tinman,

That sucks. My WH has not done that yet, to my knowledge, but I am sure the time is coming. I think I would feel hurt on some level when it does happen.

Seems like a dreary monday, as far as Plan B goes. Everyone says it will get better time. I just keep thinking, this too will pass. Just like all the other trials in my life seem like distant memories. Hell, even the pain from the initial discovery of the A has numbed somewhat.

We will be resilent, all of us here in the Plan B club.

I know what it means to be down. I feel physically beat up today. Beat down. Just spent. I am hoping that feeling of empowerment, safety, and confidence kicks in really quick. Any minute now......

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

HINY your right I should not worry about it in fact I'm not going to look at that account at all. All the business in that account for me has been finished, so that is not going to interfear with my Plan B anymore. I know the why did this happen answer is something we both have to answer I was just bummed. Now I'm going to the bar to have a beer or two.

uofmfan thanks for the support, but I like rollercoasters but not this one. Thanks for being there and reading my vent.

Christy you make me laugh thanks for that. Yeah any minute now huh. Oh you crack me up. I'll check back in in about an hour or so, off to the bar I go.

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

Tinman,

I worry about u and the bar visits. Not to sound too "Mom-ish" (can't help it, it is the whole two kids thing), but the beer can't make this all go away. Just be careful. People with alcohol addictions never planned to be alcoholics. Set some boundaries for yourself. Have fun without hurting yourself.

Ok..enough lecturing. :-)

Hi ho. I was in Plan B, such as it was. Now I'm in Plan X. (X as in this is so super-secret that not even -I- know what is it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Anyway, I'm on the east coast, in Washington, DC, more or less. I'd love to get together and meet people.

And at some point not too long ago someone was putting together a meeting in Philly, but I don't remember who.

Thanks for the concern Christy but I'm ok I know I can't drink a lot. I just had a couple of beers and now I'm home. Lot's of alcohol= missing her a whole bunch. So I only have a couple besides I'm on call for work so it's almost bed time because of lack of sleep last night. Maybe I'll turn on the T.V. and fall asleep on the couch. Maybe I'm trying to live out a country song hehehe just kidding. Everyone have a good night I'm doing better now thanks to everyones support.

well i'm not in plan B but i'm still going to come here and support you Tinman. I think the change of address thing affected you the way it did because you weren't expecting it (at least when you found it). The same thing happened when my H changed the password to his email account. I hadn't expected it. I even posted about this under this forum "i'm scared of what this means..." but i "got" over it relatively quickly because 1) I'm in counseling w/SH and he always helps 2) I can't control what my H does 3) the password to his account was my name so maybe he just couldn't "bear" to type my name each time he logged on 3) maybe he felt he needed to start covering stuff up (the guilt is getting to him) 4) maybe he saw that i changed the password to my email account and he just had a knee-jerk reaction.

the point is just to start expecting those things and just pick yourself up after they happen and let us help you. not that i know everything or want to tell you what to do but i think it's still a good idea to counsel w/jennifer regardless. remember they (as well as those here) are there to support you in what your goal is, help keep you focused, give you immediate professional feedback specific to your situation, and help equip you for the length of your journey. as i always say, remember, you are in a marathon, not a sprint. if you find that you are running out of energy to finish the race, then pull back and conserve and counseling will help you in this. I'm not downplaying the forums but sometimes you just really need to hear an objective voice w/training.

but as always, stay the course. prayers to you and your W.

Tinman,

First off, Christy is right and I see that you are aware of the alcohol issue. We have talked about this also. I find more than one is a major depressant for me also. I am glad you are aware of this, because I care about you and I grew up with alcoholics as my mother is one, and I married one, as my ex H is one.

Second,

RR is right. When I go to IC, I don't even talk about this forum. Well I do, but I just talk as if they were friends of mine because they are in a weird sort of way. I can't remember if you do counseling or not, but I can tell you that IC has helped ME so much. When I go it is all about me. Not about how the WH feels, which is what we tend to focus our whole lives on right now. She only cares about how I feel and works with ME.

Third,

I am glad we have each other. And if no one has told you yet today you are a wonderful man, with a great heart, self control like crazy, you are ambitious and you are probably handsome to boot your WW was lucky to have you! I think it is always nice to hear compliments when you are feeling down. Those are all the things I have learned about you just from posting to you, that is without ever meeting you in person. No I am not trying to come on to you...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ! This isn't a singles forum.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I am just trying to lift your spirits a little, besides I am a married woman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> also.


HINY

JustJ,

Now we need to talk, what the heck is Plan X? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Care to elaborate for me? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I thought we agreed that Plan B is the way to go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> because any other plan causes pain <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> and we can't have that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

HINY

Hi all. I have been in my awful Plan B since September, and promise, it really does help. You will start feeling better and better. Then you will get strong and hopeful. So stick with it, and don't give up.

Just J - Yes, exactly what is Plan X?

Ok I'm doing better today especially since RR made a good point, at this point I have no control over my W. Why should I be upset that she changed her address not a big deal in the big scheam(sp) of things. So with that said I'm not going to worry about it. I'm in this for the long haul so I'll just sit here and do what I need to do to make me happy. I wish I had more friends though, I guess I'll have to go make new ones.

HINY thanks for picking me up off the floor and dusting me off. Reminding me that I am a good person. Good looking, caring, and just a nice person to be around.

HINY is here with the duster anytime <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> you never know when I might need a little dusting also. Keep your chin up and look to the sky. I need to make more friends too! I have trouble in that area because I am a SAHM. I am beginning to think that everyone should talk like a 3 YO.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HINY

Hopeful - Being a SAHM is one of the hardest, and most important jobs there is. It is also underpaid, and not supported enough.

But it is good to go out and meet some people - in sports, clubs, support groups, something. That will give you continued strength to stay the course.

Thanks Believer,

It has its days I'll tell you that. Sometimes I wish I was out there amoungst the working world, but then I remember how badly my back hurt sitting all day or standing all day and I realize how lucky I am for now anyway. If WH doesn't get his stuff together I am going to have to suffer the pain and go to work soon.

Gosh I just wish their brains worked right sometimes.

HINY

Whups! Sorry, y'all, don't panic or anything. Plan X is just short hand for "I don't know what the heck I'm going to do next." My timeframe for Plan B has ended (sort of), but I'm not really keen on divorce at this point. I've been debating back and forth about what I'm going to do, and I'm really not sure.

So for the moment, I'm keeping generally quiet and doing what Penny tells me to do. I spend a lot of time thinking and meditating and praying, and sometimes I grieve and sometimes I play in the sunshine. More of the playing in the sunshine, less of the grieving, all in all. I like that part.

Edited to add: Oh, and I thought I'd posted this, but I don't see it here. My DD's first two-word sentence, other than Mama Byebye, happened yesterday. It was, and I quote, "Pretty bumblebee!"

The hilarious irony is that I'm allergic to bees, and while I've gotten over the terror of them that I had when I was younger, I'd never EVER think to call one "pretty"!

<small>[ April 20, 2004, 03:36 PM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>