Just got the confermation in the mail about the change of address and I feel like poop even though I already knew about it. I wonder is this worth it? My W betrayed my trust in her, will I ever be able to get it back? I am so lonely and I have to sleep with my arm around another pillow to fall a sleep at night, piss poor replacement for my W. I want so much to believe that the person I married is still there somewhere, but at times I don't ever see that person coming back. I couldn't say anything to her before with out LBing what makes me think I can do it now if she comes back? It just feels so hopeless and this is one of those nights. I feel like I need to move on and just be done with this, but I made a promise to my W for better or worse. If my W can break promises why can't I? I'm not going to go find someone or anything like that I'm just not sure if I'm strong enough to reisist temptation if it presents it's self. I want to call her so bad because I feel the no contact is just making it easier for her to detach from me. I'm sorry to sound like the Tinman is haveing a pity party but a majority of your spouses called you and tried to contact you after the Plan B letter was delivered but not mine she don't give a crap and that's just the way I feel. I want to be the lighthouse but the hurricane is around me and the foundation is cracking. I must be on a down on this damn rollercoaster, maybe a good nights rest will give me a new outlook tomorrow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Tinman....if it comforts you...my Ws was also like yours...not a squeek...sometimes i wonder who was plan B'ing who..him or me...when i went into plan B...my dear WS also did not contact me at all...i have 18 years relationship with him and it felt completely disappointing that he did not miss me at all and is able avoid contacting me. But you see he does miss me...some BS are good at keeping NC...yours and mine happen to fall in that category. I bet you a million bucks that she DOES misses you but is too guilty and ashamed to admit it.

Just keep a strict plan B. It is for you. You will feel much better after two months of strict plan B. Now you feel all these emotions about why the WS don't miss you....what are they doing?...Are they more happy now etc etc...when you reach 2 months of plan B...YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE ABOUT THEMMMMM! All you care is about yourself and what makes YOU happy, so hang it there...there is hope for all of us BS... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hang in there Tinman...WS's miss you no question...I made it plain that I was ready to move on a few days ago to W's..he knows our precious granddaughters are spending the weekend with me here at the house and he will miss that time we all spent together...he used to make breakfast for them in the morning and spend time in bed with them playing their special games....like Mr. Crab where he pretended his hand was a crab tickling them...I reminded him of that the other day...after 30 years of marriage I suspect everywhere he goes reminds him of us...things we did together...he has admitted that to me in an email so there you go...all these things do not just get wiped out...too much history...now OW..another matter ...what memories do they share together...sneaking around...having to cheat and lie ...now that is great things to hold dear...OW has a history of breaking up marriages...WS always stated that he did not think his relationship with OW would not work because of her problem children..all three have social problems to drugs..you name it...Ow knows this is her last great hope of ever securing a sincere relationship with anyone..why because of her tainted history and her baggage...so what does she do this last time when WS and I are trying to reconcile...she gives custody of her 8 and 14 year old sons to her abusive methadone..ex husband to get him back again......now that's a mother you can really respect...so let's look at this scenario...the exhusband becomes abusive to OW's children or goes on a drug rampage and where do the children wind up...right back at OW's door step... so suspect in time this situation will run it's course...will I still be in the wings...time will tell...I cannot fathom how a man who once valued things like morals, respect, integrity, family etc. can just turn a blind eye to the actions of this OW and have any respect for her but hope the rose colored glasses will come off in time...

<small>[ April 23, 2004, 06:58 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

Tinman, hope you were able to get some sleep last night. i'm sorry you're feeling the way you are. i was feeling bad yesterday and then read your post and now feel like i didn't have a real good reason to feel the way i do given your situation (and others as well). but we are human and can't help feeling the way we do. pick yourself up and start fresh today, stay the course.

do you have another session scheduled w/jennifer yet? probably wouldn't be a bad idea but it's just a suggestion. take care and prayers to you.

Don't give up. My WH stayed away 3 months and then called my 2 days before Christmas and said he was moving back in with me. Luckily everyone here told me to insist on conditions - NC letter to OW, and plan for rebuilding - so I kept him out. But it was amazing, it just happened out of the blue.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Don't give up. My WH stayed away 3 months and then called my 2 days before Christmas and said he was moving back in with me. Luckily everyone here told me to insist on conditions - NC letter to OW, and plan for rebuilding - so I kept him out. But it was amazing, it just happened out of the blue.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Emergency everyone!..Ws just emailed me and wants to talk...I have told him I am going to Divorece him...help me if he wants to return with conditions...he has stated he does not want to come back if I am going to make him pay...please everyone guidance is needed here...

Are you in Plan B? If so ask him if OW is out of the picture. If he says yes, talk to him. If no, tell him to call when she is gone.

Emergency everyone! Ws just emailed me ..he wants to talk...really need guidance here as to what I need to hear ..have told him I am ready for Divorce...he has stated he does not want to return with me making him pay...help with conditions..know this is probably a ploy on his part so need everyone's guidance here...

Sorry double post. yes OW is still in the picture ...so you recommend I email him back and tell him no talking until she is gone...

Just emailed him and told him unless he is willing to take third party ofout of the picture for good there is no sense in talking ...thanks Believer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

As believer stated if you are in Plan B, follow the terms of your Plan B letter. No contact until WH is not involved with anyone.

If you're not in Plan B, first find out what the nature of his discussion is. If it is reconciliation, remember that the M cannot recover until OP is no longer a part of the equation. My suggestion on terms for reconciliation are:

- Proven no contact with OW.
- Commitment to a plan for M recovery. (Could and should include IC and MC for both individuals, among other things)
- Complete accountability/openness on finances, email, cell phones, etc.

I personally would not move forward until these terms are met. Otherwise, you will enable cake-eating. If he feels that this is "making him pay" then he's just not ready yet. Be kind, but firm when you present this.

Hope this helps,
Ethan

Ok I'm feeling better after sleep, still thinking about her but that can't be helped. Maybe my main concern is that I want to go out and have fun and be me again but what if I meet someone who meets my needs and I have a weak moment, I guess I'll just have to put in my head two wrongs don't make a right. I love answering my own questions.

NO stay in Plan B unless OW is out of the picture, I know that's hard but you can do it.

He emailed me and wants to meet at 5...I just emailed him back and told him I needed an answer that he was willing to put third party out of the picture..if not I would not meet him...suspect I will not hear back..so there you go..thanks everyone for helping me aviod a disaster and just more pain...this board is great

Just emailed him and told him unless he is willing to take third party ofout of the picture for good there is no sense in talking

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + +
He emailed me and wants to meet at 5...I just emailed him back and told him I needed an answer that he was willing to put third party out of the picture
Are these two different emails? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Plan B is no contact. It doesn't mean reading his emails and deciding if/how you should answer. It means NOT reading his emails.
It means NOT sending him something back telling him to get rid of third party.
All of this was spelled out in the Plan B letter.
You say one thing (no contact) and do the opposite (remain in contact).
You say you want to stay married & work it all out and that you won't hold it all against him. Why should he believe you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Yep again your right Chris <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I guess I saw this as a glimmer of hope and let my emotions rule logical thinking...again thank god I have this board. and folks hitting me over the head with a 2 x 4 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

( A little fishing analogy for ya'.)
If you keep yanking on the pole whenever you feel a nibble, you'll just keep losing the bait.
You HAVE to wait until he bites before you sink the hook in.

Hear ya loud and clear Chris .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> thanks

RR just to let you know I will be doing another session with Jennifer in May around the 6th or something like that. She told me to give her a call in a month and let her know how things are going. So I'm looking forward to see what she has to say for me to do next.

Should I send my W an email leting her know that she has mail here or should I tell her sister to tell her. I know she has change her address but she get's Victoria Secret's catalogs here and they are her's but also say current resident or just not worry about it?

Don't worry about it. GO DARK. DARK IS DARK. This is us making excuses to reach out, and we have to resist it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />