Thanks Christy yet again you are right, I'm changing my name from Tinman to Darkman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .J/K

Man, it took everything in my power not to pick up the phone, dial my WH, and tell him where to go and how to get there.

I got a call this am from our advisor who handles one of the life insurance plans, saying that my WH asked him to call me, to change the banking account info this will draft from.

Wel...I don't get it, because it is drafting from his acct, as it should be (we agreed when he left that he would pay this). Just another way to mess with stuff and piss me off I guess. I forwarded details on to my intermediary...but I wanted so bad to call him and say WHAT THE HELLLLLLL!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I don't know what he is up to, but chances are, it is something shady.

Try to stick to no contact. Gee, I wish I could take my own advice. I see my WH when he comes by every 10 days.

Good job Christy on not calling your H and going through your intermediat. Takes a lot to not call and say what the heck are you up to now dumb a$$. Thanks for helping keep me in the dark, I sure hope this works, for both of us or just me. I was going to call my W if she didn't send her niece a B'day card or call her. I was going to b*t*h her out about it no matter how much it hurt our situation. Say something like that little girl love's you unconditionally no matter what is happening in our live's so you need to call her and tell her happy b'day, but she sent a card so I don't have to worry about it thank goodness.

<small>[ April 24, 2004, 09:48 AM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

Dude. Even if she hadn't sent your neice a card, you would have had to stay DARK. NO CONTACT. Not for mean things, nice things, magazines, if the phone rings, NADA! Ha! I am a poet and didn't even know it. I am inspired....

A little Plan B poem.

Cue jazzey music. Fill room with smokey ambiance (heck, Tinman, I will even allow you ONE free cigarette in my little daydream here).

Ladies & Gentlemen, Christy is here to present, the Plan B poem"

Wayward spouse (cue congo drums)
Why must you lie.
Why must you cheat.
Why must you stomp on our hearts.
(bom, bom, bombombombombombombom...this is the congo drums)

We gave you plan a.
We swallowed our pride, our pain, no gain
The ultimate testament of our love.
Loving you when you were hurting us...
by not loving yourself
by loving another
by loving a lie
(bom, bom, bombombombombombombom...this is the congo drums)

And yet (silence, long pause)
You continued.
Heaping helpings of hurt

DESTRUCTION...of yourselves, of us, our children, our futures.
(bombombombombombombom...this is the congo drums, pounding at a crescendoed pace...then silence).

And then, Plan B.
Not for you, but for me.
I will let you loose. I will set you free.
(now, the sultry solo of a saxophone)

I will not know you. You do not currently deserve to know me. I don't know who you are anymore, anyway. (more saxophone)

My hurt continues. It is the remnants of hurt.
The reminder of the hurts already inflicted.
The realization of the depths of the hurts already given. The hurt from the death of what was, the death of what is, the death of what could be. And...I miss you. Miss the person I used to know you to be. (silence and then a very quiet congo drum tapping...silence)

I will stay lost to you. Until you are ready to be found. I must not make contact. This time is for me. (saxophone)

Time for me to heal.
Time for new friendships.
Time to find who I am, without you.
Time to think.
Time to love my family, and the friends who stuck by me.
Time to love myself.
It is in the hopes that someday I will be so oozing with love, that I will have enough to weather even what you have done.
(saxophone, with the faint tapping of the congo drum)

I must stay strong.
I want to reach out. Make an excuse.
Check and see if the person I loved has returned.
(saxophone, with the faint tapping of the congo drum)

(silence. then the sounds of many whispering voices, saying the following lines:

"I have your mail." "The kids miss you." "I noticed a new charge on our credit card." "What is this new bill" "Have you called to say Happy Birthday to our neice." "The house needs repairs." "Will you mow the lawn?" "I have your mail." "The kids miss you." "I noticed a new charge on our credit card." "What is this new bill" "Have you called to say Happy Birthday to our neice." "The house needs repairs." "Will you mow the lawn?"


Then a voice, saying loudly over the whispers:

"I love you. I miss you. Won't you come back? I've changed. We can be happy. Are you there? Are you there? I love you. I miss you. Won't you come back? I've changed. We can be happy. Are you there? Are you there?" "I love you. I miss you. Won't you come back? I've changed. We can be happy. Are you there? Are you there? I love you. I miss you. Won't you come back? I've changed. We can be happy. Are you there? Are you there?"

Silence.

You were about to come back. You were hurting. Your old self was talking some sense into your new, lost self. But then, I let you see me, let you know me, let you back in, so you ran the other way.

(The soft, emerging sounds of the saxophone)
It will only be in my staying dark, that you might seek to once again see the light. And it will only be in my staying dark, that I might once again start to feel alright.

Plan B is for me. Time to love myself. So that I will one day be able to more aptly love another.

Applause.
--------------

Ok... Maybe I took too much cold medicine today. I feel like hell, and am starting to get a bit punchy. BUT THERE IS NO REASON, NONE to contact the WS unless they have ended the A, are ready to start working on the M, and can agree to some terms for recovery.

Nothing else they do, nice or sweet, mean or otherwise, should provoke you into contact.

Now let's see if I can follow my own advice! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Holy crap what kind of cold medication you taking I want some <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . That was the greatest poem I have read. It's to bad we can't put sounds in here lol. You kill my Christy thanks for brightening up my day. Hope you feel better by the way. I wish I had an inth of your writing skills.

Could someone turn on a light it's dark in here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

What a great poem. I would also like what you are on.

Well it has been three days of Plan B and I am doing okay. It is when the WH family comes to see me and ask what is going on? Is there any change? that I find myself thinking again about WH has done. Should I ask them not to ask me, to ask him as it should be. I have been part of WH family for 20yrs now and certainly MIL thinks of me as her daughter so I dont want to upset them and lose some support.

Great Poem christy...thanks for the inspiration today...last night was very difficult..was first sleep over with grandchildren without WS...after I got them tucked into bed they asked me why I was alone and where was WS.. I told him he would not be coming home tonight...they both started sobbing stating they wanted WS... they begged me to call him and tell him to come home they wanted to talk to him...they are 4 and 7...I told them I did not know his number but they knew I did..I knew WS would be with OW and would not pick up so called cell number just to appease them...and he had his phone turned off...I told them he was not there... I just got them settled down when Ws called...I let the 4 year old answer..she was so excited...she asked WS his phone number at his place and he told her and she stated I am going to tell Mammy (me)..so she knows what the number is now and she can call you...she told WS they were crying because they wanted him to come home and that Mammy had cried too...he told her to tell Mammy not to cry...it just about broke my heart to listen to this 4 year old say such intelligent things to WS...she kept repeating the number while talking to him so she would not forget..(I knew the number but just tried to appease them at first by telling them I did not know it)...again so heartbreaking...just wonder what went through WS's head during this conversation...

Don't break your plan B until after two months has passed...thats all the advice i can give for now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I feel there is a big turning point in our emotions after two months on condition that you don't break it in between.

I passed my first sight and talk with WH this morning with flying colours!!! No rollercoaster feelings...it is all lock up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Zizzy is right. The longer you can have NC, the better you will feel. My WH took OW to the Laughlin River Run this weekend. We have gone for the last 11 years together. But I have had a great weekend doing things with friends, and have not been sad at all. That is what is so nice about Plan B. It really does change you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Zizzy is right. The longer you can have NC, the better you will feel. My WH took OW to the Laughlin River Run this weekend. We have gone for the last 11 years together. But I have had a great weekend doing things with friends, and have not been sad at all. That is what is so nice about Plan B. It really does change you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope to get to that point Believer soon...Laughlin River Run is MC rally is it not?...for years WS and I attened laconia Rally in NH...have my HD ready to roll this spring but now ride with other woman friends...do miss riding with WS but life changes and goes on I guess

NO -
Yep it has been going on for about 20 years I think. It is lots of fun. It is so nice to ride in the desert, and there are usually over 25,000 bikes there. I have good memories of it.

Before Plan B, I was going to try to take everything my WH had - the home, one of the Harleys, half his retirement, and bonus. However Plan B changed me. Now I decided that I don't want to ruin his life. He used to be a good man.

I live in Southern California by the ocean. It is like living in paradise. I've gotten busy working on me and getting out and doing things. Life is good again. I feel great about taking the higher road.

You will change too. I really didn't even notice how much I've changed, I guess it just happened a little at a time. Hang in there, you can do it too.

New Outlook -- the words of a child have more effect than the words of an adult.... the child has no agenda, no hidden motives, no ability to have a complex set of goals. The adult knows that. The adult knows that there is nothing there but the words that are said and the hurts that are expressed.

Your WH knows what he's losing, what he's already lost. Allow him to learn from it in his own way and his own time. Yes, cry... but let go of your wondering about what he's doing and where he's going. That journey is his, and it will lead him into darkness that you do not need to experience. Your own darkness is enough for any one person. Leave his alone.

I always wanted a grandfather. I grew up without the benefit of a grandfather. One died ten years before I was born... the other divorced my grandmother when my dad was a toddler. I met him once.

So please, allow your grandchildren to call him while they're staying with you. Not for any agenda at all, not because you want him to know what he's missing. Simply because they are his grandchildren too, and he is their grandfather.

Thanks for the words of wisdom Just J...the granddaughters do see their grandfather on the weekends...he picks them up and takes them to the market and then out for lunch...the case scenario was one that was a first for us all and I was not trying to deny them access...just trying to avoid a painful situation...these girls will always love both grandparents as we both love them dearly..I would not have it any other way...just as my son who does not understand his father right now still loves him...after all he is his father...parents and grandparents play such an important role in a families life regardless of other situations that are going on...WS and I are in agreement on making sure our family knows they have unconditional love from both of us

<small>[ April 25, 2004, 11:38 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

How did all my Plan B friends weather the weekend? Just checking in and gearing up for another week. 11 days strict no contact here. Getting better everyday (geez...probably just jinxed myself).

tinman (or darkman), just wanted to let you know i'm still praying for you and hope things are going "well" for you. i don't really have the energy anymore to read a lot of posts. i was basically told by my MIL yesterday that a D is coming and that is what my H wants. she also told me that she met the OW. why i keep being surprised at what my H does is beyond me. i have a session w/SH tomorrow and i'm looking forward to that. hang in there and prayers to you.

I had a great weekend. Yesterday I helped a neighbor clean her house all day. Doesn't sound like fun, but it was a blast. Her 3 year old may have asthma, and doc told her to dust and clean the whole place.

We laughed and talked and cleaned like crazy. I gave her some boxes and containers to organize everything. She was so glad to have some company. Afterwards we had a carne asada barbecue.

Thanks RR, beware of the fog speak my W said the samething right away about D. I still haven't got any papers yet, (knocking on wood that I don't) If your H wants a D and you heard this through your MIL ask SH what he thinks you should do.

Anyways I had a good weekend did a lot of laundry, cleaned the house a little, then went to my friends house and watched hockey. Then we watched a movie. Sunday watched the race and had a lazy day.

This coming weekend my parents are coming to visit so we will go golfing if it's nice out. Maybe out to dinner a few times should be a fun weekend. I must start a through cleaning of the house tonight though my mom is like the cleany gene and I don't want her to come over and start cleaning my house. I'm doing fine though, wanted to call her yesterday but I didn't so I'm good. Hope everyone has a good day.

RR,

I'm at a loss of words. I really feel for you and I wish there is something that I could do or say to make all of this pain and hurt go away for you. Just know that I'm thinking of you and I'll send you a big cyberhug.

I think that you H is making a big mistake and maybe your MIL feels that she wants her son to be happy, but the fact is that if he really wanted to be happy then he would make himself happy and not have someone else do it for him. Unfortunately, this always backfires in the end - learned this from my OWN experience.

Please stay strong and know that people here are thinking about you.

Kati

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by roughroad:
<strong> tinman (or darkman), just wanted to let you know i'm still praying for you and hope things are going "well" for you. i don't really have the energy anymore to read a lot of posts. i was basically told by my MIL yesterday that a D is coming and that is what my H wants. she also told me that she met the OW. why i keep being surprised at what my H does is beyond me. i have a session w/SH tomorrow and i'm looking forward to that. hang in there and prayers to you. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Please know that we are all here for you RR...the uncertainty of the future is hard for all of us to deal with...I find the days alone are getting better to deal with ..just hang tough and know you are loved by your MB friends here...