All i can say after reaching my 3rd month of plan B is DONT BREAK YOUR PLAN B.

This week i broke plan B. I thought i was strong enough but i was not.

The whole mess came crashing back in...the tears, the hurt, the betrayal..etc etc...so dont break plan B.

Only break plan B if WS comes crawling back home or he initiate it first.

Thanks for the advice zizzy, like everyone said I think this is just a way for my W to gain control again but it isn't going to happen. I'm having a good visit with my parents getting ready to go out to dinner shortly. I'm having thoughts what if I see W and OM at the place we are going to eat, these stupid thoughts suck.

Tinman,

Try not to let yourself do that too much. I did it so much I had panic attacks. Just enjoy life! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

HINY

Hey everyone, hope you are all doing fine. The best thing about Plan B is how it changes you. I did a rock solid one for 3 months and since then WH comes by ever 10 days or so, testing the water.

He now says he knows he made a huge mistake and the A is hurting too many people. I told him if we could just get rid of the pesky OW, we could work on the MB plan for rebuilding the marriage.

That was on Friday. Now I am starting to doubt if I want him back at all. I do still love him, or the person he used to be, but have been very happy for the last few months, without him.

I am starting to think that having him around is more work than anything else. He did very little for me. So I am going to continue my vacation (from him) and see how I feel next month.

Mornin Believer...I understand the statement as to whether you want them back or not at this point...I have been alone since October and am now used to living on my own with no aggravation...it is nice...yep I get lonely sometimes but that feeling is getting less and less...also am sleeping like a log now...so I guess I am well on my way to healing...I have attended a Divorce Care class and have found that so helpful to get myself back on track and of course all the great posts I read here as well..am starting a "Boundaries" Class on Tuesday...am really getting to know myself on a much deeper level and what I want out of life...WS is coming here on Monday evening while a service man does a repair...wants to talk...I guess for me is has he changed and if not is he going to change...I do not want him back if he is not willing to work on himself...he stated awhile back he would not to councelling again...why...I suspect he does not want to face all his demons...so I guess the bottom line here is no change...no return

<small>[ May 02, 2004, 07:56 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

Believer,

It is terrible isn't it. I was just saying the same thing to my mum yesterday. I said well he said he told OW he wasn't coming around anymore, and now I dont' know if I want him either. We will have to see if this is normal feelings or not. I said it just seems like so much work and I have enjoyed living alone with exception of having to do all the dirty work......LOL. Let me know if you figure it out. He won't be moving back in anytime soon. He needs to make some sort of committment first. I want a NC letter and POJA and IC and MC or it is a no go. Let me know how you are feeling as time goes by.

HINY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He won't be moving back in anytime soon. He needs to make some sort of committment first. I want a NC letter and POJA and IC and MC or it is a no go. Let me know how you are feeling as time goes by.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right on girl..that is exactly what I want to see as well..now off on another topic..why do WS's defend the trash they are with?...that is also a big issue with me...I will not be second best to a immoral, homewrecker with no self respect and low self esteem..what is the big pull here with these woman?...I suspect he defends her because he chose this trash and feels like he is the trash he is with...just a thought...anyone else care to jump in here?...

NO

I can tell you that a lot of it is guilt. This might be a good question for LB or ISGirl. They might have insite on this subject. I am with you though. No committment, don't bother.

HINY

I never say anything bad about OW - I used to, but all it did was cause him to defend her.

WH's sister had a long talk with him last weekend. He told her he can't stand to break OW's heart. She told him that OW knowingly went after a married man, she knew what she was doing.

Also she did it while her BH was in Iraq. Sister asked him what kind of a woman did that?

OW also has completely abandoned her 12 year old daughter. But she tells WH that her daughter is the most important thing in her life. OW tells my WH that she spends lots of time with her daughter. Actually it is about an hour a week.

I did say one thing to WH. He was telling me that OW bought her daughter a huge Easter basket. I said what time did she give it to her. WH said he didn't know. I told him she showed up at 9:00 PM on Easter night. I knew this from OW's H.

But I really try not to discuss her too much. If WH can't see some character flaws and lies, too bad for him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He told her he can't stand to break OW's heart. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is what I am getting too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I know big LB to talk about her and I try not too...but I guess the big thing for me is that I have a hard time dealing with the fact that he is having sex with this low life..points me to think he has no self respect and low self esteem as well and I don't want that type of man in my life...again no change...no return

Broke again today coz DD had to see a doctor. She was out with WH when he called saying she was having bad constipation so we took her to the doc together.

Later we took DD to Mcdonald. I should have told WH that we cannot be seen together but DD was with us so i did not feel right to do that.

I was doing very well at Mcd. No love busting.

He still loves me i can see it. Later he asked if i would go out with him for drinks. I said no again.

Tomorrow onwards i am going back to plan B with full steam. I told that to WS as gently as i could. I told him i needed to get back into plan B and that i needed to move on. He said he understood. Lets see how far i go this round. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Lets see how far i go this round </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If it wasn't so bizare it would be funny right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> it seems we are all in this nightmare that never seems to end...with one spouse the logical caring individual and the other well it's like talking to a sixteen year old teenager...so frustrating...

Yes, it does not seem fair. But the logical, caring spouse has a plan, and that plan does work. We all have to hang together. I have changed so much in the last year, and I feel really good about that.

And now WH has to sneak over to see me. OW keeps good tabs on him. It is really hilarious. Now she has to worry all of the time what he is up to. He usually comes over while she is at work, or comes to see me at work. I love it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And now WH has to sneak over to see me. OW keeps good tabs on him. It is really hilarious. Now she has to worry all of the time what he is up to. He usually comes over while she is at work, or comes to see me at work. I love it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep..hear you...I called WS awhile back and OW was there...he was so uncomfortable that I almost laughed out loud...I stated to WS "come on she must know we have to talk about things"...Ws is still in La La land where even though everything is out in the open he still is in the mindframe that he is neaking aournd with this OW...go figure...one thing I bet OW is very uneasy while WS is still talking to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

NO

I have the same exact thing here. WH hates to think of me and OW near each other. I think it is right funny. He shuts his cell of when he goes to her house. When he leaves her he drives down the road a little and then calls me. I would love to be a fly on the wall.

I have actually given thought to calling her house and asking for him when he was supposed to come and get DS and didn't show up. I was going to say is my husband there? LOL. She would have [censored] her knickers eh? Well they are all the same huh?

HINY

Ws emailed me and asked me if I wanted to accompany him while he took granddaughter out for the afternoon...as much as I wanted to I sent him this reply...

"I just don't want them to see us together WS ...it is to painful for them to comprehend...after that night of the sleepover...they are questioning..and do not understand all of this... I would love to be with them together but need to know that you have got third party out of the pic first...that needs to be done before we have any talks or sharing girls ...you know this...I know this..."

His response to getting rid of OW.."I don't exactly know how things will unfold myself just that I have to be able to walk away knowing that she thinks it is the right thing also......"

My response" WS you know take a look at this scenario if the roles were reversed and I was sleeping with another man ...you have tried to in every way to change...you have tried to speak with honesty and caring..to get me to take a look at what I am doing to you and your family...how long would you put up with this?.. and if I told you I had to do it my way how would you react after months of waiting...I guess what I am trying to say is I look at those girls and want to set an example...I do not want them to think that it is alright to be where I am right now...I want them to know that you have to respect yourself first and foremost in every way"

so there you have it...hope he thinks about this...

NO

Good for you. Hold strong. You are showing those girls what is right! Lots of luck!

HINY

Sounds like your WH wants to pretend that everything is alright - well, it isn't. That is what you have to hold on to. My WH would like us to be friends, but I am not his friend, I am his wife.

I treat him well, and want him to have a good life, but I will not be friends with him while he continues with OW.

Despite all his fog, my WH has reached the point where he knows it has to be one or the other. He can have his wife, his home, his family, OR his OW, but not both.

Hi all, see people are kinda breaking their Plan B, my test will be tomorrow. Sometimes you have to do what feels right to you, but you guys need to make me a promise if you want. If my W come's back and it's because I did a steller Plan B will you guys try it? My SIL called me Friday night letting me know she told my W that her mail will be in the mailbox, she also told me that my W said "I don't understand why Tinman won't talk to me." Hmmmmmmmmmmm didn't I make that perfectly clear in my Plan B letter, oh I think I did. I've been doing a lot of thinking about her email and how I feel about certain sentences in it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It is beside the fact that there is someone else. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmmmmmmmmm it is huh then why did you leave and go to live with OM when you have enough money to get your own apartment?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It really has nothing to do with him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and yet again if it doesn't then why are you F'ing him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And it is not because you are a bad guy, you are a great guy! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I'm so great then why did you leave me then?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Believe it or not, I want you to be happy, you deserve to be.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you want me to be happy then bring your [censored] home and work on our M.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would like to be civil about this, and I think we can be. And I have found a way to make this easier, instead of harder and I want to discuss it with you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Easier for who for you? If you think that any thing you say is going to make this easier for me your wrong, nothing you say or do is going to make this easier for me. Are you this nieve, grow the F up. It's time to be an adult.

I know I'll never get to say these things to my W and they are huge LB's so I figured I'd vent my comments here. Thanks all for bearing with me.


Hope everyone is having a good Sunday. Sorry if my cursing offended anyone.

<small>[ May 02, 2004, 09:38 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

Tinman,

You go! You're doing great...you're determined, you're strong. You have the right attitude and thought processes going on.

Yes, tomorrow will be tough, a challenge. Your W may attempt contact because it's your b'day. Don't take the bait.

You've thrown out a great challenge to the rest of the Plan B'ers.

BTW. I was in a very strong dark PB for 6 months, including an intermediary.