Sounds like Christy has the plan you go girl!!! I just got out of the shower and doing laundry now trying to clean this place up a little before my parents arrive this weekend. I might even make me some steak and eggs tonight oh yeah. Hope everyone else is having a good night. Torus here in fact b-day is only 5 days away. Hmmmmmmmmmm I wonder if my W will call and wish me happy b-day NOT.

<small>[ April 28, 2004, 07:56 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

Morning everyone...sounds like everyone is on track...as we know Mother's Day is coming up..this will be a tough one for me...first one without WS since we separated..Ws usually took the family out to brunch that day along with my Mom..and daughter-in-laws family...Ws stated in email he wanted two weeks to get rid of OW but time will tell...will just hang tight and see if his actions speak louder than words...that will be the key

I have a question, my W sent me an email stating that she wanted to pick up the mail on monday and talk what should I do?

A. Send her an email back stating that unless it's about recovering our marriage no talking but I will leave you mail in the mail box. If she wants to talk about recovery then talk?

B. Let her pick up her mail and talk.

Send her an email that the mail will be in the mailbox Monday.

believer I know your right but this is the first time that my wife want's to talk to me on her own, I know this means nothing and I go back to square one so I know what I need to do which is send her the email that you suggested. Now it' gets hard.

I posted on your newer threat, TM.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Hey, TM,

Did you know that I started a Plan B thread for support too? Some time ago.

I will bump it up for you and the others that are now posting to this thread.

Hello, All Plan B'ers,

I wanted to paste here what my FWH (Lost Bird, #33342) posted on another thread. It clearly points out the importance of no contact during Plan B. Take from our experience and learn. If I had remained in no contact longer, we might have started down the road to recovery much earlier.

This is a direct quote from his thread:

"The contact we had during separation probably did more harm in my progress to return than anything else. Let me attempt to explain.

During those periods of silence, I had time to reflect on my M and what was in jeopardy. Interstingly, I best remembered the good stuff, those wonderful times and memories we shared. Then along would come some form of contact. Often it resulted in hurt feelings, some anger and defensive posturing on my part. For me it resulted in negative thoughts and sadly, over shadowed and dashed any progress I had made. Yes, call it being stubborn. Or perhaps, I knew what I was doing was wrong, why do I need to be reminded. So back in the shell I climbed. Further complicating things is that I am a first class conflict avoider.

What brought me back? There wasn't one single thing but perhaps a series of things. I had felt pressured in returning and naturally, that didn't do any good. Some people tried to play the morality card, but that doesn't work -- why would it on someone involved in an A? I know they were appealing to my better nature, but the stubborn side won.

I came back when I wanted to and felt I was best prepared to work on recovery. There wasn't a lightning bolt or anything like that, just a progression of thoughts and feelings. It will take time -- some take longer than others which is certainly evident here on this board. I guess there may be an "average" time, but since all people are unique, so are the circumstances.

Protect yourself and your feelings. My best advice is stay silent. If you need to make contact in the event of an emergency or some extraordinary circumstance, do so through an intermediary -- something recommended my MB. It sure its impact on me when that first happened."

I also wanted you to see something I wrote on another marriage forum (Penny Tupy's Save Your Marriage Central bulletin board). Here is the link:
The BS Is Fog-Bound Too!

All this is important to those in Plan B. Hope it helps.

Here is the email I received from my W today.

I really don’t want to do this on email... It is beside the fact that there is someone else. It really has nothing to do with him; I was not truly and completely happy even before him. And it is not because you are a bad guy, you are a great guy! I just don’t feel we should be together like that. And again, I am sorry how this all happened. I can apologize a thousand or a million times and I know that it doesn’t help. But, you know all this already…

Believe it or not, I want you to be happy, you deserve to be.

I would like to be civil about this, and I think we can be. And I have found a way to make this easier, instead of harder and I want to discuss it with you.

I would like to talk on Monday when I pick up the mail. Let me know if you are willing.


So I think Plan B is working, she's trying to suck me back in but I won't let her. I already called my SIL to tell my W that her mail will be in the mailbox on Monday night. I won't be home incase she comes to the door. I will go out and sit at the bar have a couple of drinks since it will be my bday then go home. Just in case she knocks on the door I won't be there. I'm really starting to like Plan B, I now have my W intiating contact with me and I never thought that would happen. Oh I have also scheduled a session with Jennifer on the 4th and I will give her this info and see what she has to say. Feeling good and doing good.

Hi Tinman ...well this is certainly an interesting development...sounds like your darkness is working...one thing that stood out at me was this...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was not truly and completely happy even before him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now doesn't that say it all...how does she think she will be happy in this new relationship...all her unhappiness will eventually filter into the new relationship with time....she needs to do some serious work on herself I am a thinkin..hang in there guy ...we are pullin for ya <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks NO I know your right my W has some serious issues, I think she's like a happiness vampire. She can only find her happiness through others, when real happiness comes from inside ourself's. I keep praying to the big guy and maybe a few are getting answered. I'm worried she might get pissed that I don't want to talk to her but that's just too bad. Everything was clearly stated in my letter to her so she knows the deal.

Tinman..as you know my situation WS wants two weeks to get rid of OW...yep I will believe that when I see it...I had inquire about a repair as we have to jointly agree on what we spend now that finanaces are tight..other than that zippo...here is a response he sent me today which I had to smile at...

I have been away for work........by myself......and just got back. I will get the guy to contact you ASAP.....ok.

I almost answered sarcastically "by myself" do you not think I know you are with this woman...but did not...if he implying he is trying to wean off of her...who knows...

Tinman...I'm jealous. Looks like it is working!

I, on the other hand, and getting absolutely nothing. Not even a peep from WH since I hired the intermediary. In fact, he is not even communicating with her. He is doing a better Plan B than I am. UGH!

Oh well, it has been more than 2 weeks since I have seen/spoken/heard from him. I am completely dark now.

Christy I see by your sig line that WS moved out but was wondering if he moved in with OW or on his own?

He moved out to live on his own. OW is in India, so that is both good and bad. Good that she is not here, bad in the sense that the fantasy of it all can stay alive longer (no chances for bad breath, real life, etc to set in).

That is what makes all of this so much more ridiculous...what exactly does he expect to make happen with this one...I have no idea!

hey tinman, of course i'm not going to be saying anything new here but glad you decided to ask the SIL to tell your W about the mail, i think that was extremely wise. I don't really care if she wants things to be "civil" she cose this way. also i think if we took a poll on how many of the WS told the BS that they were just so unhappy even before the A. i can only hear this so many times.

anyway, i got a lot of email to catch up on because i was gone yesterday and most of this morning. hope everyone has a good weekend, prayers to you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He moved out to live on his own. OW is in India, so that is both good and bad. Good that she is not here, bad in the sense that the fantasy of it all can stay alive longer (no chances for bad breath, real life, etc to set in).

That is what makes all of this so much more ridiculous...what exactly does he expect to make happen with this one...I have no idea</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok Christy now I understand..if it's any consolation at least you don't have to worry about running into them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ..geez what was his beef if he is stateside and not attempting to be with OW?

At this point, it is the fog of the EA. He thinks he fell in love with her while he was over there on business and had sex with her, and the whole "I've never felt like this before," "I never loved you," "It is not about her, it is about me," blah blah blah.

And he made all these promises he would bring her here, and marry her, etc.

And she obviously has incentive to get the hell out of India (armpit of a place that she happens to reside in).

And so, the Plan A, then the Plan B. In a hopes that my husband pulls his head out of his [censored].

Because I refuse to believe the fog, refuse to believe that he didn't love me. His previous actions tell a much different story. And now, this man of GREAT integrity and principle, is FIGHTING for a reason of how he could do the unspeakable.

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

forgot to add something that SH related to me about the whole WS and happiness thing. it's that they (the WS) is judging their future happiness on their past unhappiness and they don't believe it would be any different. of course, this is not a new revelation to you and me but just another way to phrase it.

Christy let's not pop the cork on that bottle of bubbly yet, I still believe that we have a long way to go so I'll just keep it real. I'm still no better off then anyone else here not until the fog clears and my W comes home. So just holding my course of action here. Thank you all for the well wishes. I just don't want to go back to square one in Plan B. I'm going to enjoy the weekend with my parents. I'll pop on every once in a while to check up on everyone. I think durham76 really needs our support.