How is everyone doing today?...tommorow is a biggy for me...Son is taking my Mom and I out for Mother's Day... at first did not want to go but decided to do this for my son and grandchildren...I know the girls have made cards for me and I will try not to cry..in previous years this was always a big family occassion with sisters, moms, in laws gathering for brunch to celebrate the day...just hope I can keep a stiff upper lip throughout this <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Mothers day was always big for us too. And this year, WH did not help my young children observe the holiday at all (did not take them shopping, help them make cards, anything) and they are way too small to do it on their own.

So....another LB for me. It hurts that he is so lost, he cannot even acknowledge the fact that I am a mother to his children.

You just keep piling up the sins, and wonder, how in the world will you EVER get past it all.

Hi Christy...yep I hear you...found this sig line and feel this applies to WS...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

It is funny you mentioned that...I re-read your signature line after I posted, because it touched me too.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

What about those of us whose W are lost. J/K I know this must be a hard holiday for you guys and I wish there was something I could do to take the pain away so I'll just offer Hugs for now.

One other thing if I didn't have you guys telling me I was a good man I sure wouldn't feel like it and I still can't thank all of you enough for the support.

I still sit here and think about my W all the time. I have a question do you think my W got control back after our encounter on Tuesday? I hope not but after all the things I said I feel like I gave her control back and it will probobly be another 3 weeks before she needs her fix again.

Did I tell you guys I found my new girlfriend if my W doesn't come back.


Ok let's not get excited it will just be a Harley Davidson. That would be easy to take care of while I get myself back together.

Anyways I hope you all have a great day.

Tinman, I haven't been able to keep up with this whole thread, but have gotten the basics. I wanted to tell you one thing that may or may not bring you comfort.

Of course I am hoping your M can be saved, if it is the right move for you. I say that because I actually began praying that prayer for me in regards to recovering our M. I asked that our M be saved if it was the path I should be on. I guess at some point I had to accept that maybe H and I wouldn't stay married.

I think it is really difficult to deal with these As when no kids are involved. My theory is that the OP can cause the WS to forget their love for their S, but they can't always cause them to forget the love they have for the children. If it weren't for our kids I have my doubts H and I would be here. Or he might have left and then remembered what we had. This is the comforting part. Both my SIL and BIL left their Ms for the OP. Neither one had children. My SIL got divorced in about 1991. She dumped the OP after a few years. SIL and I are very close now, but I'm sure she has regrets that she left the M. She really wanted kids and is now 45, and not in a R. Her FH, who is a great guy, is remarried with a family now. My BIL and his OW seemed happy as can be. They actually lasted about 2 yrs. I thought he would marry the "B". Well, they just broke up. More proof that these As generally don't work out.

My H really wants a Harley too. I would say you deserve to get one more than him though. Sounds like a good GF to me. Take Care! CV

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok let's not get excited it will just be a Harley Davidson </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok buddy let's get you off WS and onto OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I ride a HD as well...883 Sportster...haven't had her out yet as is still a bit chilly here in the great white north but expect any day now I can start her up and hear her rumble..I love to ride and it is a great stress reliever...now tell me about your HD

CV55 thank you for your insight about A with no children involved. This is one of my main concerns that since we don't have children involved that I will be DV by my W. I know this is the wrong path for her and I would like to hold on for a long time and wait this out, but I don't think I have the strength to wait for a year or more. I know there is someone out there who will make me happy eventually and also respect me. I know now I have the right tools to make a lasting M. I just wish it would be with my current W instead of someone else. I know this will be a decision she will regret for the rest of her life.

NO I don't have a HD yet, when this first happened I was going to get one right away but changed my mind, because if my W comes out of the fog and does come back then that's less debt we have to worry about. The one I'm looking at though is the Night Train. I know black motor but that just means more riding and less chrome cleaning.

I dont feel like saving my marriage lately.

Yes it is the children that ties us WH and BS together but I am getting tired of waiting.

I deserve someone better with no history of pain.

Even with everything expose, WH is still sitting on the fence. He still cannot decided. He cannot decided to end it with OW or ME!!!

I dont think this nightmare will end within 6 months even with total darkness.

I think at this point i only want to win but i dont want the prize. The prize comes with lots of pain. I dont want to live with this man for the rest of life. Even if i end up being alone when i grow old, it feels better than living with someone like him. I just cannot see myself living with WH anymore

zizzy -

You will probably change your mind many times about whether you want him back or not. Right now I am leaning towards not wanting my WH back.

I think Plan B is good for BS, because you can really think more clearly about the whole relationship. Now that WH is out of my life, I see how much he didn't do.

When i broke my plan B last week, i got a glimpse again of everything about him that i dont like.

Now with the A, i really dont know what else is there for me to make this marriage work.

zizzy -

I know exactly how you are feeling. Stay in Plan B.

My WH came to my work to take me out to lunch on my BD. We had a nice lunch and pleasant conversation.

But I found myself watching him eat, and started remembering all of the cooking, packing lunches, etc., that I did.

WH gobbled up everything on his plate, and then started in on mine. In the back of my mind, I started remembering how much WORK it was to have him around.

It is almost funny. WH has his OW fantasy, and he thinks he has a loving wife to come back to, if things don't work out. But his loving wife is changing, and realizing that life is good without him. And he doesn't have a clue.

zizzy we all go through these feelings, I mean look at me this past Friday or Thursday when I was debating about giving my W what she wants a DV. People talked me down and said I know what the right thing to do is and at this point the right thing to do for me is to wait it out. I'm sure I will change my mind several times just in this coming week. So hang in there zizzy.

Well right along these lines..let me tell you about my day today..I have not cried in along time but today after I arrived home just let the tears fall..as most of you know WS has stated he knows that things are not going to work out with OW...wants just a bit longer to end A...My son took my Mom and I out to brunch with his family today...the granddaughters looked like little angels and everyone stopped and told them what beautiful little girls they were...on the way to the restaurant my Mom and I had to pass OW's abode and I use the term loosly...hovel more like it...as I drive by I see a teenage girl look out the window.. again she fits her setting...this is the first time I have laid eyes on any of OW'S children...the car I drove previous to separation was a BMW convertible M3 but switched with WS for the winter to our SUV...I used to keep BMW shining...it was sitting in OW's driveway covered in dirt...had to think that it just didn't look right there except for the dirt...of course it hurt to see where WS was spending Mother's Day and my Mom cried all the way to the restaurant stating how could he not want to spend this day with his beautiful family and especially those beautiful little angels...I have not driven by her place except after DD as I was curious where OW lived...the last time I saw WS...he looked scruffy and haggard so I guess he is now fitting well into his new surroundings...he also denies he is spending nights with OW but now I have proof..I guess the big thing I see here is he has told me he wanted to be a role model for OW's children and there he is sleeping with their mother right in front of their eyes and if that 16 year old girl comes home pregnant what can either of them say...they set the example..so sad...I guess the tears were for my precious family today... the girls had beautiful flower bouquets for me and my Mom...my son handed me a card but I did not open it until I returned home here is what it read:

" Mother I want you to know that everything good and strong inside me comes from the place where my journey began...HOME..because home is where you are"...

So today I am thinking...next week do I file for Legal separation or Divorce...

<small>[ May 09, 2004, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

NO: I was thinking about you today.

Not only did my WH not help my small kids observe the day, but he did not observe the day (for me, or his own mother). What kind of man is so lost, that he would not even remember how important these women are in his life?

And do I want to be with the kind of man who would forget it?

tinman, of course you know i hear you on the no kids thing. i hope you are doing well and we all think you are doing a good job. i think you have a lot of steam still left in you before you go the DV route, JMO. i think that even though you are in plan B that doesn't mean you have to sign D papers if they are given to you. maybe i misunderstand things though but i just think that we realize we can't control our WS so we've (generally speaking here) let them go but that doesn't mean we have to help things along.

well i don't really care if my H called his mom or not or sent her a card because what kind of person would be so disrespectful to themselves and others to meet the OW and be okay w/that? i've lost a great deal of respect for my MIL and for what she is doing (supporting her son). I know that you love your kids no matter what but he is an adult and i would think you still need to practice tough love as a parent in situations such as these. would she be the same way if kids were involved? she once gave me a plaque that said that if she could chose anyone for her son it would be me, was this just a lie? or was she wanting it to be true?

well guys, today is a new day, hope you've picked yourselves up and started fresh. stay the course and prayers to you all.

HI everyone...looks like we all had a very tough weekend...my thoughts and prayers were with you all...and so many developments with Mom and Christy...hon..you hang in there sweetie..just know we love you...I have not contacted WS...but with my drive by he knew I knew where he was...he sent me this email today which I did not respond to...I have asked him not to contact me a few days ago....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I will not contact you until I am finished with OW......I'm sorry for your pain yesterday.....it wasn't fun for me thinking about it either.......I'm sorry.......WS
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So how can one man be so arrogant to think that I will just be waiting in the wings for him...any thoughts anyone on this latest email?

my thoughts are "disgusting and dispicable," sorry NO, i'm sure that doesn't help you but can and will continue to pray for you and all others on MB.

RR just to let you know they were not real DV papers just some DV info printed off the internet. I did offer her a seperation agreement if she wanted to go that route, but I got my typical no response from my W. I'm hanging tuff I found myself missing and wanting to talk to her bad last night but I didn't break. Thank goodness for work today.