Good morning and good luck to all of my fellow Plan Bers.....

Here is a Plan B "revelation" that I had yesterday....

I find it interesting that my WW have ended up with essentially the exact opposite of what we were "seeking" through all of this.

She wanted "freedom" from our marriage, from her committment. Instead of finding freedom, she will find herself trapped by the R/A that she is in. Knowing of people's disapproval, the financial hole she is digging for herself and the hurtful things she has done to me. Her decisions now are influenced by her feelings for OM, ILs, me (to some extent, i'm sure.) You would think that noose will tighten on her one day.

Meanwhile, I have the freedom to do truly as I wish. If I decide to pursue a D, I can, with complete understanding and support from everyone around me, and I can go through life not having to carry that burden with me, not carrying the demons of my previous relationships into my next. On a day to day basis, I can do whatever it is I choose to do. I can go where I want to go, I can play basketball a little later tonight, I can watch whatever movie I want to watch. I have freedom.

I think I like that.

I posed a question in my last post and I was hoping some of the vets (or anyone) could offer some insight.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is it possible that I may never see or hear from my WW again? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So here's to hoping today is a good one.....

Ethan

Ethan it took 3 weeks to hear from my W. Everyone is different so I'm not sure if this is a good time line or not. Good to see your doing well though. It's nice to be in Plan B like you said stay out as late as you want, watch whatever movie you want. Life is good for me now.

Hang in there and stay in B.

Ethan,

I was in Plan B for 7 weeks before the phone rang and I answered it and it was WH. He was the last person I ever thought would call. He just isn't that type.

Tinman,

I am truly having the worse day. I can't discuss it, but please pray for me. I need all the prayers I can get right now. I am having one of the hardest times I have ever had during this whole hurricane of a life. All prayers are welcome and needed. Thanks.

HINY <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

HINY please rest assured that you will be in my thoughts and prayer all day hon and I'm sure everyone here loves you and seconds that..you be strong girl you can get through this...

<small>[ May 18, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

Thank you very much. You don't know how much it means to me to have you here with me in my heart as I have no one to go through this with at home.

HINY

Said a prayer for you HINY.

Thanks tinman. thanks.

HINy

prayers to you, RR

Hi Folks,

I hope everyone is hanging in there still.Ugh.What a ride huh??

I just got a phone message from my WH.He said that he wants to talk to me,it's not more of the same and that I WILL listen to him.He also drafted some sort of letter to me as well.He wanted to talk to me about his feelings,etc,etc.But I don't have good feelings about this.I basically sent him an e-mail that I did not want to talk with anymore unelss it is to save our marriage and family and a bunch of other stuff too but I stood my ground.I told him that I refuse to be hurt by him again and that includes listening to anything he has to say that doesn't include ending the adultery.

So then I called my SIL to bounce my e-mail off her and see what she thought.She said she would call him and did I want to know what he says and I said no.If he wants to end the marriage and run off with the homewrecker then I am already in the process of filing out our mediator papers.If he wants to reconcile he knows I will listen then but I said that I don't have much hope for that.Probably and LB or not the best response but that is where I am right now.

So,either he's pissed that I shut him off again or he will try to get to me this weekend when he sees the girls.UGH.He already sent an e-mail to me,that I refuse to read,disrespecting my wishes yet again and being selfish by contacting me by e-mail.HELP!

I am feeling so anxious each weekend he comes here.I am trying to get this paperwork filled out so he can't be in the house anymore but it's slow going.I don't have any other option but to not be home when he is and that means getting someone to watch the kids.Sometimes my mom can on the weekends,other times she is working.

I hate this feeling I have every time I know he is going to be near me or that he contacts.What a change.I used to love him so dearly and now I actually feel a bit afraid.I so don't want to be hurt anymore and I just can't protect myself fully if he is around.What a nightmare.

Anyway,hopeful I hope you are doing better.I haven't had much time today to read the posts but I will try to get on later.This week is a busy one for me.

Take care all.

o

<small>[ May 18, 2004, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Hi Octobergirl glad to see you are doing well and are not giving into your H. You are doing a good Plan B.

I might have a problem today. I have a dentist appt. today and way back before all this stuff started my W and I used to schedule our appt's on the same day. I'm not sure if she does or doesn't have an appt. I know I should not worry but how do I act if she's there. Indifferent, should I say hi, or say nothing and just walk out? I just hope she's not there.

Hang in there everyone, especially HINY and Octobergirl. If you can do Plan B long enough, you just won't care anymore.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hang in there everyone, If you can do Plan B long enough, you just won't care anymore. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am almost there Believer...I have spent the day cleaning and have realized the way WS is now is all about him...I can do nothing now but continue to improve myself...I am taking a Boundaries Course and it sure has opened my eyes to the fact that I can live on my own and keep my sanity..I think one's biggest fears is being alone but I am now comfortable in that...I have great friends and family that can now fill the void for WS ...heck I was alone most of last year when WS was persuing A..so not much difference <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ May 18, 2004, 03:20 PM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

Dumb question of the day....

How wrong would it be if I were to do any of the following?

- Send WW a DVD that I saw the other day. No big note, just a "thought you would enjoy this."

- Send WW a picture message (from my cell) from Albuquerque, when I go (on a much needed mini-vacation) next weekend. Again nothing major, just a "wish you could see this" type of thing.

- Send WW picture message from the Live concert next month. We danced to a Live song (actually 2) at our wedding. Again my thought would be: "Here's Live playing our song, just thinking of you, hope you are well?

Good idea or bad idea type of thing?

Ethan

Dumb question of the day....

How wrong would it be if I were to do any of the following?
Well, I have a car payment due on the 1st and it would be smarter for you to send me $330... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
(not very smart at all)

Don't do it Ethan, you look weaker in your Plan B. It's not worth it let her contact you.

Ethan,

I have done all of this. Don't do it. Just don't. It doesn't make any difference to them. It falls on deaf ears. I am the queen of pictures, letters, cards you name it. It just doesn't make any difference to them at all. So just keep going. By week 7 you will be doing great. When I was in week 7, before WH called I loved everything about me and everything about my life. I didn't even care that he wasn't around anymore or what he was doing.

Please listen to me, please. I have broken Plan B because he wanted to talk and we had joint stuff to work on around the house. Believe me I am back in it. No calls, no cards, no pics, nothing. I am already better and it has only been three days so far.

If you need to send pics send them to us, or send me a picture of Albe where ever. I have never been anywhere I would love to see some pictures of any place but here. You can send them to my email Tracestar@zoom-dsl.com. I know how hard this is. I really really do. But it just takes once and then it becomes an addiction. You start finding ways to contact them just to have them in your life in any way. We have withdrawals from them like they do the OP. This is why NC is so hard for them. Sorry for ranting, I just hate to see you make the same mistakes I have made.

HINY

OH Tinman paranoia about Dentist no big deal she wasn't there.

Tinman,

I am glad to hear you made out okay.

HINY

Hi everyone,

Thought I would check in again now that I have more free time.

Tinman,

Thanks for the encouragemnet earlier.I am glad that your WW wasn't there at the Dentist afterall.


Hopeful,

Are you feeling better? Hope so.Don't know why today was extra harder for you but I hope you have some peace now.I am feeling less anxious now that some time has past from the exchange from WH.I didn't actually talk to him on the phone nor read his e-mail but it still affects me to hear his voice.Geeze.

Ethan,

I agree to not sending your WW anything.If you expect her to be rational and care then don't,she is incapable right now.She is in self centered fogland and there is no service available there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

NO,

I agree with you too that my WH has been away from home so much in the past 10 months and probably mentally and emotionally for a few years at least before that that it's more pleasant when he isn't around.The girls and I have our routines and we fill the voids with other things instead of what we used to have as family time, but even that got uncomfortable with WH.He was slowly,insidiously undergoing some kind of change for a long time and he seemed to detach from us in many ways.So,life is better without this brooding,computer strapped WH at the moment.

Believer,

Well,what can I say to the Queen of Plan B.You sound like your doing alright so I hope for that to continue.

RR,

I know it's hard not to think about this mess each day.I have been trying myself.But,everynight I have some bad dream and they are mostly the same with some variations.WH is hugging me and smiles down at me and then he says something like,"Now remember,this isn't for real" and then I wake up with a start and feel bad.Ugh.Anyway,on a happier note,what type of dogs do you have??

I have a beautiful Border Collie.She is mostly black with some white on her chest,paws and snout.She is wip smart,a great watchdog and is a frisbee girl.She loves her frisbees and can catch them in the air like you see on TV.The kids love her and so do I.I got her from a lady who owned a family of these dogs and they lived on a farm.Pepper,as she is called,was the last female so I grabbed her! Anyway,it's funny,she sometimes barks at my WH when he comes home because she hardly recognizes him these days too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Until tomorrow.....

O