Hi folks,

Just checking in.I am having a good day for a change.My oldest daughter is planning a surpirse party for her friend here at the home so I am helping with that.It's such a great age to be(12).She has a nice group of friends and it's fun to watch them talk about stuff and have a good time.They aren't into boys much yet,thank GOD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

RR,

Thanks for the story about your dogs.I too feel sad when I am not home to be with Pepper.She is so sweet and my WH doesn't always treat her with ther most respect.Go figure.But it's funny what you said about the first dog and needing two toys at all times.I have known a few other dogs(through their owners of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) in the herding group that have done that.It's like they can't relinquish their property or they might lose that control they have.Who knows.But,I know how you feel.I hiope you get your dogs soon.I am sure they miss their mommy!

Hope everyone's keeping their chins up today.

O

Oh one other thing almost died today, some guy coming from the other direction digging in the seat came over into my lane we were both doing about 60mph he missed me by like 3" needless to say I'm just happy to be alive today.

Tinman

I am glad you are alive too! God is there watching over you. He just has a better plan for us. I am doing good now. I am in control again and it feels so great to have the steering wheel again. Of course I will keep it in my own lane. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

HINY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> am in control again and it feels so great to have the steering wheel again. Of course I will keep it in my own lane.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There ya go sweetie..that great sense of humor back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...HINY..new developments for me ..you can check it out you know where <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ..still staying dark though..pitch dark..since I have not got any 2 x 4's from Chris and such suspect I am on track for now

Got you NO. Be right there.

HINY

YIKES!

Tinman,

I am glad too that you missed being hit by that wacko.Some people.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

o

Well guess what? Plan B is working already. The phone rang at 11:20 last night, I was sleeping and I answered it. It was WH. He was calling to let me know that it was okay if DD stayed home here with him this weekend instead of going to her dads if she wanted. Okay, now I have a cell phone and voice mail. But no, he has to call the house phone in the middle of the night? And to boot, he calls at exactly 11:20. Which is the time he gets out, but never, ever leaves work at that time. He always goes out and see's OW before he leaves. So he leaves on time, and calls his from his cell phone in the car as I could hear it going down the road. And he says okay see you Sat., night, bye, ever so sweetly. I was like yeah okay bye. Do I look like a fish? Throwing me a little nibble here already.....heck no. I want the whole worm. I think he expected to come out and get a message from me and he didn't. I am not there anymore waiting on the side lines for him and he didn't like it. Plan B is great, too bad I answered the phone. But I did good.

HINY

<small>[ May 20, 2004, 05:55 AM: Message edited by: HopefulinNY ]</small>

Mornin' everyone,

Hopeful,

I used to get thrown an occasional bone too.Like one time,on the way home from an important school meeting for our oldest daughter,my WH says to me,"I know I have to end the A". So,I say nothing back figuring,whatever you say bub.Well,when I got that months cell phone bill,didn't my wonderful cheating WH call the homewrecker as soon as he left the house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I refuse to listen to one more word from him.I don't think he can tell me the truth to save his life.I am done hanging onto these empty statements,they mean nothing to me.Be strong now.Don't let your WH start invading your Plan B again.

O

HINY listen to October...yesterday WH return from his outstation trip, he got a short instruction typed out by me. I told him no more messages to DD through my HP and if he wants to talk to her, he can call her at home. I also told him no more telling me last minute to pick up DD because i will no longer answer to any of his text messages or calls. I said to WH either he pick up DD or he dont and i will find other alternate and that will be permanent.

I finally reaslised all these short text messages also gives me fixes and you WILL eventually fall into breaking your plan B again. Do you sort of feel good when WH calls you? Well that is prove that WH has broken through your plan B barrier.

If you really want to move on then you must show them that you are really serious by cutting out every single call or text message including emails. Do not reply to any of their messages. Keep to only absolute EMERGENCY issues. I used to think it is ok to have contact regarding DD with WH but that is breaking plan B too.

I want to make this my darkest plan B. I think falling off the wagon twice is enough humiliation for me to last my life time.

Hey guys. How is it going? I don't know what it is, but I am kinda anxious today. I heard from a friend who drops off her kid where my daughter is, that WH was looking "dapper" yesterday. For some reason, this made my stomache sink.

I know part of REALLY doing this plan B is to forgive him, and try to move on. The bitterness and anger are really cancers that eat me up, and I must let them go. But I literally have to pray each and every day to God for Him to help me forgive WH and OW. Not accept and condone it, just try to eliminate the hate and hurt and anger and bitterness and hardening of my heart from it all.

For some strange reason, it hurt to hear that he looked good. Part of me wants to hear he looks terrible, pale, sickly, miserable. My unholy parts want him to suffer like my heart is suffering.

Oh well, back into Plan B...maybe I have not spoken with him for weeks and weeks...but it is probably just as counterproductive to be thinking about him, hurting and missing him. Plan B really should be preparing me for the possibility of reconciliation, as a whole, separate, independent person, or dissolutionment of our M, as a whole, separate, independent person. It sucks to be feeling that naseous feeling flitting around in the bottom of your stomache.

PLan B'ers...HINY needs our support over in her thread..

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=028604;p=1#000013

Where is Tinman? Oh Tinny........Where are you? Starting to worry a tad....are you okay?

HINY

I'm good HINY I'm just cleaning up around the house, I'm going out of town this weekend to visit family. So I'm trying to stay ahead of the game so I won't have much to do Sunday except mow. I posted on your new topic. LOL

Hey Christy,

Glad to see yo are still with us.I am almost gonna hitthe hay but I wanted to ask,is this friend privy to what has been going on with you and your WH? If so,the DAPPER statement was not appropriate and she should have known better.

But,if not,then try not to focus too much on it.I am sure that your WH is putting on appearances for all at this point.Who knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I am doing better at not thinking about my WH and this trauma as much anymore.Sometimes I think about the homewrecker and how I could ruin her life like she tried to do to me but I also have to let that go.She is a reckless,jealous,needy person who doesn't deserve any wasted energy on my part.It takes practice though.I know you will get there.You seem to sound a lot like me only steps behind.I know you'll catch up.In due time.

And just so you know,remember that it is YOU that did not cross any bounderies,YOU retained your dignity and integrity,YOU that is there,making sure your children are cared for and well,YOU that is above and beyond the sordid choice that your WS made.Your WH may not LOOK like he is suffering but you can be assured that he is NOT resting easy.A person would have to be the likes of Hitler to be able to sleep at night without one drop of guilt,pain or remorse for what they do.That choice will always be there for them,like a black cloud over their universe.They can run but they can't hide.

O

O I'm so glad to hear you are doing well in your current situation. I had such high hope's for you and your H, but now your doing what is best for you which is great. Like people have told me you've done all that you can to save your M and nothing is going to take that away from you. Never forget we live in a beautiful world and it's what you make of it. I hope to have half of your strength if I get into recovery.

Hi O

I am glad to hear you are doing good again. I know the ups and downs of this whole thing. I have already been divorced once. There is nothing like signing on that line. It just freaks out your soul to go through it. You have done all that you can do, now you can sit back and wait or move forward. I know the decision is hard. It sounds to me like you still love him a lot, maybe just waiting a little longer to see what comes of all this would be okay. I know from experience with all this that D just sounds so much easier. But now I am just gonna sit and let the dust fall after my little episode yesterday. I was going to call my lawyer and get right on it. But rage and anger have made me turn into satan, kind of like WH. I don't want to be that person, even though I am angry and I will remain angry for a while. Please just take care of you and those kids, I guess in the end that is all we can do. I know what you mean by being at the end of the rope though. My hands are blistered from trying to hold on, it is slipping fast.

HINY

HINY...cool down a bit...you are still angry and you might be thinking in anger which is usually not a good idea. Maybe take a week to cool down and evaluate again what you really want...Plan D or B <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Christy...dont think about WH...if anyone wants to tell you about WH so and so...just tell them you dont want to know.

I agree with October...in the front WH may look great but inside that is another thing.I also dont believe it is that fun being a Wayward spouse. Everybody gets hurt in an affair. Nobody comes out happy.

My WH wrote me a nice letter replying to my note about my new boundaries. Bottomline he is not happy with the new rules. He wants to know why even after i have stated it in black and white that the reason is to avoid contact with him. I AM NOT going to answer his letter. I think i have clearly stated that i no longer want any contact and that is the only reason why i put new boundaries around the issue with DD. Too bad if he cannot see the point. Maybe WH is just trying to drag me back into contact with him but it aint working. I am going to stay dark. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Zizzy,

You are right. I am going to go away this weekend and relax just like I planned to. I am going to take this one time to myself before I have a stroke or a nervous breakdown. I am going to have no internet, no MB, no WH, no OW, and no children. I need this more and more everyday. I am going to swim, and sleep, and eat and meditate, pray and just rest. I am going to get to know me all by myself. I honestly don't think I want to fight anymore. I think my instincts are telling me to run, and sometimes that is best. Best for me and the kids. Life keeps moving with or without me, I just need to figure out if I want to join in or not.

The one thing I did figure out yesterday was that I am not the same person I used to be. I never would have stopped at her house in a million years. I am done being walked on, by my family and my WH, and even my friends and children. Somehow I became everyones driver, hairdresser, psychologist, Dr., massage parlor and so on. I was the only person that I never took care of. It is in fact HINY's turn to have a life. I am going to reach out and grab life by the horns. I have never skied, ridden a horse, played golf, seen the yankees play, been shopping in NYC, gone on vacation or anything in my whole life. I have always just done for others.

HINY

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 08:03 AM: Message edited by: HopefulinNY ]</small>

HINY, don't feel like i have any "right" things to say or offer advice but just thought i would share some of my experiences.

i've tried skiing twice, it's not all it's cracked up to be, especially if you didn't learn how to ski when you were young. the first time was in a "powder" atmosphere w/o any lessons. 2nd time was basically on "ice" and i did have lessons. not something i want to do again except maybe cross-country skiing.

horses are i think the most majestic creatures on this earth. every time i see one, i just think, "wow God, they're wonderful." i've been around horses my whole life in one way or another, even won some "races." i have one so to speak but she's w/my parents because neither my sister or I have a place to keep her. i just love and miss the smell of horses. kind of weird huh? to miss the smell of horse pucky but it's more of the smell of the actual horse. i make sure every time i visit my parents i have an apple or a carrot to give to our horse. i haven't ridden her in years but still hope she'll be around a few more years. the only thing that makes me sad now is that the OW apparently rides horses and is very involved w/them, so now i'm a little disgusted w/knowing that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> i try not to think about that too much.

i've played golf several times, and i like it, i actually only use 2 clubs and never play to win. it's not easy either especially if you play all 18 holes. i've always like miniature golf too. watch the movie "happy gilmore" w/adam sandler if you haven't already. so whenever i think of golf i think of that movie and i just can't get too serious about the game.

i went to a baseball game once (w/my H) but it was delayed because of rain and we just gave up. the team didn't end up playing until 1am. but i've never really been a fan of baseball, it's just too long.

never been shopping in NYC.

i've been all around the world thanks to the military, whether it was w/my dad, my H, or because of me and i feel very fortunate to have had those opportunities. of course there are pros and cons to all that travel but definitely if you haven't really done anything like that before, there's no time like the present, even if it's w/o your kids. because when you look at it, you would be taking care of yourself which you will then allow you to take care of your kids.

well anyway, i can offer prayers and i sincerely do, God bless, RR

hi all.

is there anyone here in the great lakes region that could im or email me tonight. have to make decisions that are tough to do in plan b.

(((hiny)))
so sorry to hear about what you are going through. if you still have me email addy - write anytime. my prayers are with you constantly.