Thanks you guys. Believe me the good Lord heard from me for the last week. I am so relieved. Yes Christy I still have the WH disease going on though, not sure what to do with it. Know of any cures?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


HINY

Good Morning B'ers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> .

How is everyone on this fine day today? Hope everyone is feeling good today. Get up look in the mirror and say, gosh it is great to be me today!!!!

HINY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Get up look in the mirror and say, gosh it is great to be me today!!!!

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Morning HINY..that is what we all need to focas on...no news here so far today but expect a call from my lawyer sometime this week so will hang tough and concentrate on me...lots of work to be done around the house but weather is not cooperating for outside work..have supplies ready to roll to try to open pool..just need some nice weather...sounds like your handled yourself with class and dignity yesterday..way to go girl...

Thanks NO,

Yes I did. I was a very good girl. I didn't feel the rage at all. I actually didn't feel anything for her at all either. Not hate, not sorry,.....just nothing. Wouldn't you think that I would? Kind of strange really. I sat there for an hour and looked at her (cause she was the co-coach) and didn't feel anything. A couple of times I thought about how fat and ugly she was, and how she conducted herself as this really great mother, but other than that not a thing. I asked God to help me forgive, and he is slowly I guess. I haven't forgiven WH yet and I don't really know how. I am going to call the pastor today and ask for help with that. I have definately forgiven the man that raped me so many years ago. Strange I never thought I would be able to forgive him. With all this therapy and bringing God into my life through such a trauma I realized that he is probably a different person now. He has a wife and three girls. I imagine he looks at them everyday and says I hope that doesn't happen to my kids, and feels the guilt within him. Therefore I don't need to carry around all that anger and hatred anymore, sure lightened my load I tell ya. I am hoping that soon I will be able to forgive OW, as I could clearly see that she was faked. He was a totally different person that day I went there. She never knew the real him at all, I just helped her take off the mask from his face thats all. Although she did know he was married and that is not good and still unforgiveable to me right now, but I am trying.

I think the hardest part about forgiving WH is that he was my best friend and I could tell him anything, can't understand why he didn't feel the same way about me. Well NO I hope things turn around for you, you are always in my prayers along with all of our other friends here at MB.

HINY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Aaarrgghhh...having one of those suffocating moments...i hate this part of the process!!!

This is the part where i feel so strongly about divorce because i just want some kind of closure to this chapter of my life. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Hi ziz,

I know how it feels to be ready to just end it all.I'm sure you are having a tough time but it will pass,remember that.Get busy doing something to help get your mind off it.

Hopeful,

Why on EARTH are you letting WH come back into your life again and you don't even know if he's truly done with that OW? ARGH.Here we go again,he eases his way back in and you let him.Haven't you learned this pattern yet? I just care about you that's all,don't keep repeating the same mistakes PLEASE.Keep WH at bay for a while.You made it too easy for him to slink right back in.A few nice gestures,a dash of cologne and there has been NC letter or boundaries set or anything.I hate to say it but you and WH are co-dependent I think.UGH.If OW did in fact dump WH,he is coming back for the wrong reasons.Anyway,I am truly glad that the tests came out in your favor and that you will be ok!

Well,I am just going to take it easy today.I feel truly spent.I had a few e-mail responses back and forth yesterday from WH.Not really hopeful in any way but more of the same,he wants to talk in person,thinks about me in our big bed alone,wishes we were still in counseling(to which I told him I know we would be there for different reasons),thinks about doing some deep introspection,after my repeated requests,since he knows he has a intense need for affection,and why he never told me or sat me down to tell me what he was feeling all this time(pre-A),etc,etc.

Things I know we could work on and be better than ever but this HW will not get lost nor is WH able to break free right now.Still too addicted to the fantasy,which is all that it is.They haven't lived together yet(GROSS)and she lives in Toronto,so no reality based relationship at all,if its a "relationship" ICK.WH parents/sister still are disgusted at all of this and still will not welcome that HW into the family even if we D.The lights are on but STILL,no one's home for either of them.My mom gave it to WH good too last time he was home.It's just not getting any easier for WH like he thought it might.Still refusing to be friends with WH if we end in D.Doesn't like that at all.Too bad.I can't and won't.Too much pain.So he is back up to see the HW this weekend under the premise of a friends "wedding" How nice and how hypocritical!!!! I told him this is more important than seeing your own children? I guess so.I said all these "getaways" on the weekends that he is supposed to see his children will factor in to our D when I get to it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Anway,everyone hang in there today.One day at a time.

O

<small>[ May 26, 2004, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Hi O good to hear from you and hear how you are doing. Sorry your H is so fogbound. Like you said one day at a time. So that's what we do right?

Ziz sorry your having a down cycle on this rollercoaster, it's funny how some days are better then other's. Tomorrow is another day and today can always get better. Hang in there.

HINY ah yeah don't let your H in so easy, remember what he need's to do as you stated in your Plan B letter.

Hi

First let me say to you all I appreciate your kindness and thoughts on my situation. I am not letting WH slither in. My wall is up full-time first of all. Second he isn't back in our marriage by no means. He is not with OW and we haven't talked yet about anyhing. I am working with SS on all of this also. This is what she did with her WH. My WH isn't going to just jump back into our M by no means. After my surgery tomorrow, which I need him to help with DS during this period, I am going to sit him down and we are going to talk. We are going to build our NC letter together and he is going to start IC and MC or we have no M. Don't you worry, I have been through hell and high water through this, I am not going to get hurt again, nor am I going to play second to anyone. He isn't living here. He is going through his own withdrawals at this point and I am trying to get through the surgery. Once all this is over, we are going to talk. Today he came and fixed my washing machine and he is going to help with DS after my sugery so I am thankful for just that for now. I also am not sure if I even have those types of feelings for him. I really don't think I do for some reason. I am going to talk to my IC today, and go to see my pastor also. I need some help in the worse way. I have what everyone else wants now, their H and now I don't know if I even want to bother after everything that has happened. SS said she felt that way too in the beginning of their recovery. She also said that they had to become friends again before any other feelings came back for them. I guess that is what we are doing trying to become friends for now, it is a start. He isn't going to hurt me again, I won't let him in that deep right now.

HINY

well, maybe i shouldn't post here since i'm not really sure if i'm doing fine. too much to deal w/the past few days, but i will start w/the priorities.

here's my good news - i've went 7 weeks in plan b now.

bad news. my lease expired a week ago. the landlord has made no attempt in renewing it for another year and seems to be avoiding my phone calls.

so, ok. the job market is not favorable for me here and i am seriously looking at moving back to my home state to get back into my career.

i have contacted numerous agencies on finding appropriate living space and no help. i contacted h (through intermediary) and i can't borrow my truck for the move as he hasn't fixed the brakes and now the tires need replacing and i can't afford all that. the truck isn't really worth it either. ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> i am really upset by the way h is dealing w/all this too. )

but that would be more to add, and this is most important for now. i feel like that old saying of 'when it rains, it pours!

any advice for me?

usthree,

don't have much time to post but just wanted to you to know that a lot of us can truly empathize w/the when it rains it pours thing but just hink of how you handle things now as compared to how you handled them prior to DDay. i just assuming because i don't know your story. but you are capable of more than you ever dreamed, don't give up, God didn't and hasn't given up on us. peace and prayers to you, RR

I, for one, am tired. I just want to pitch the whole damn thing. Seriously. I want to call up WH, tell him to go to hell, good luck in your sinful, empty, fantasy world. You've made your bed, so go lie in it, you [censored].

And then, I look at my kids, and the hope and hurt and confusion in their eyes. I remember special times, or laugh about intimate moments, or fondly remember the friendship we once had. And then I say a prayer...a prayer that God will help me stay the course. That He will convict my husband. That He will heal my family. That He will heal my anger. That He will keep my heart from becoming so embittered.

How can someone I trusted so completely, with all the beautiful, special, talented, and even ugly parts of me, betray me so completely? Will I ever trust again?

This whole A business changes everything. The songs you used to love together, now they hurt. The foods you used to relish together, don't hold the same flavor. The activities you followed together, no longer provide value to you. I feel this intense sense of an identity crisis. He is lost...who is he? I am lost...everything I believed to be FACT is now obliterated. It just changes everything.

Remember when you were in college... and maybe you drank a specific drink too much, and ended up sick? Like for me, it was Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum and a Chinese Food combination. And to this day, when I even SMELL Captain Morgan's...I feel naseous.

I wonder...when I see my WH, think back on this time, hear a song from this time, see a movie from this period of my life, will I instantly feel the deep intense ugliness of this time.

It sucks that all of this has to scar you so deeply. I can honestly say, this has been the deepest scar ever to me. The biggest rejection. The reason it hurts so completely is because it was inflicted by the person who promised to love and protect you.

Hanging in there...and trying not to hate. Because, that, I DO know for certain, is NOT who I am.

changed my screen name...on the good advice of my intermediary. :-)

took me a little bit to figure out who you are serendipiT but glad you're still here.

TINMAN, i haven't really posted to you a lot lately but know i'm still thinking and praying for you and your situation, as well as everyone else here on this board. haven't seen furnitureman a lot either. have you given up smoking yet? i did "quit" i wasn't really doing it everyday or smoking a lot, it was mor in spurts but i knew that it wasn't the way to handle the situation and i was doing bad things to my temple (my body). i'm not trying to pass judgement only that it something i did. now does that mean i won't ever smoke again, i'm not so sure of that but for now i have.

are you going to keep the highlights? they are probably fading by now. i need to get a haircut soon, just a trim but can decide on whether or not to keep bangs or not. minor decision in the grand scheme of things if you know what i mean. are you keeping dry? i didn't know if you were getting any of this stormy whether that's coming through this part of the coutnry.hope your doing well and keeping busy. prayers to you.

Hi everyone!!

I know i haven't posted much lately, just trying to remain dark.

Now i need all your best wishes on staying that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am planning my s a visitation weekend with my h. I will be staying away and hope all my precautions on nc remain in place.

I am hoping that our s will keep h busy enough that he doesn't try to seek me out.

and i will miss everyone here since i will have limited access to the web all weekend <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

everyone have a great weekend!!

us3 I hope you have a great weekend also, sounds like your doing well in your NC so stay that way. I know that you can do it.

As for everyone else how are we doing? I wasn't on much yesterday due to work deadlines fast approching and it will be more of the same today.

My parent's are coming to visit me this weekend since I'm on call for work and it will be nice to have them here so I don't have to spend this long weekend alone. Well back to work now so I can get these deadlines met.

Oh and everyone have a great weekend.

Hi Tinman and all,

HINY back from surgery and doing okay. WH came and helped me out yesterday, made me something to eat and drink and took DS home with him for the night so I could rest. Now that I am done vomiting I am feeling better. Everything here is still in the same state. WH is now the H again around here. Of course we still haven't talked and there is NC at all between him and OW as far as anyone can see or tell. Not even a phone call between them. He has invited us to go watch the Monster Jam show as a family tomorrow night, so I said yes we would go. The kids will like this very much. He is also going to change my oil and change my rotors on my truck and mow the lawn again.

I talked with my therapist the other day, and she said that although going to OW house was very impulsive and not safe she thinks I must have hit a nerve somewhere. She also states that I should let things stay the way they are for a couple of weeks and then approach conversation on our R, NC, IC, and MC. All those C things. This is probably what I will do. As well as continue to be the lighthouse, and go to the tball games and stare at OW to keep her on her toes. Hope you all have a great weekend. I will post again on Sun.

HINY

NY, glad to hear from you and your surgery went well, praise GOD. Looks like you are beginning recovery. Save your strength for that. Prayers for you.

OK...I know it MUST be a holiday weeken. Our belived Plan B thread was on PAGE 3!!!!!

Anyways, I wanted to say, HAVE SOME CORN ON THE COB, SOME WATERMELON, A FEW GRILLED ITEMS, and NICE LONG WEEKEND.

Take a moment to remember the men and women who fought for our grand country!

See you on the flip side!

well peeps. this is a really bad day. (even if i have a new name to brighten it up!!)

i broke nc. but this gets even better well worse really

i arranged a visitation weekend for my son and his father. the wh (and that's the nicest thing i can say tonight) was waiting with d papers and a TCO. I can't believe this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

luckily, he hasn't served me yet, but i also didn't get my son back. this is eating me up tonight. i do have an appointment with a new atty on tuesday, as the last one wouldn't do anything.

i will add more later. say a prayer for my little boy to please keep him safe for the next few days?

u3 down to u1
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Awwwwww...not another new nick. Do you know how tough it is to guess who you are!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />