Ya all just keep on plugging away at it here on B. I always keep you in my prayers, always always think of everyone and their pain here. I hope you B'ers have a nice weekend.

HINY

i am still here too. Struggling with the thoughts...trying to stop the thoughts. Sometimes i think i am still not strong enough. I am handling plan B well enough. It is myself that i am worried about...i still get anxiety attack from time to time. How to get over that? Why doesnt the feelings go away... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Zizzy, I know what you mean by anxiety attack. I have them all the time. I even don't have any false recovery. I think that my M is over. This feeling is so hopeless. Sometimes make you feel that you are falling to the bottonless hole, just keep falling.

If you find a cure for that L&H dont forget to share it with me okay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

However it is not too bad in plan B if compared to plan A. I had it in both plans so i can gaurantee you that anxiety attacks in plan B is much much lesser.

After my impressive reaction to seeing WW at the concert the other night, I was feeling pretty brave.

I knew WW had a webjournal thingie. I figured, I can handle it, why not take a look?

It was nothing outlandish, but still felt like a huge punch to the stomach. It subsided pretty quickly, but still not fun. I highly do not recommend it.

The only thing of note was her pondering when it was "allowed" to date while divorcing. (They had a place for comments. I resisted the temptation to leave an anonymous "You are either married or not. Married people don't date.") Oh yeah, and she referred to me as her "ex." Is that normal?

I spoke to MIL tonight as well, just to touch base, to see how everyone was. We talked about all kinds of stuff. We talked about the concert "incident." All I told MIL was that WW was as pretty as I remembered her. I said we talked and that was that. She said we hoped that we (WW and I) could remain friends (...right...) and the like even if we got a D.

Anyway,

So add that to the list of things NOT to do while in Plan B.

Ethan

Ethan I'm there with you brother, I look at our joint bank account and all I see is pain there. It sucks, but I did get my W new address where she is living with OM. I'm thinking of sending porn info like my wife asked for it especially homosexual stuff. I won't do it but it's a thought. Anyway's I digress, I have to stop looking at that account even though it's still ours since we don't have a seperation agreement.

Tinman,

Funny you should mention that, that also bothers me. Everytime I write a check I see our names together on that paper and it makes my heart sink and makes me sick. I also wonder how he paid all the bills here every week and wrote checks out of his account which my name is on. I even found a check that he wrote to the marriage counselor and in the memo section he put wrote my name....like it was my marriage or something. And didn't writing my name with his last name bother him at all? Boy when they say fog, they mean fog, thick gooey stuff.

Let me tell you all, that withdrawals are no fun what so ever either. All I can say is if you think you are ready for recovery and NC with OP and all of that, you have no idea what is to come. Work really, really hard on yourselves, make yourself so strong that you almost seem invincible. You think it sucks having them "love" and want to be with someone else....wait until they don't have that person anymore and are dying for them and your just standing here like a part of the wall saying hello I am here. Now I know why you are supposed to work on yourself in Plan B, cause there is a part of me that almost thinks it would be easier to just walk away and start over in life it is so hard.

Get strong, keep strong, be strong!

HINY

Great to see everyone back posting..know it is hard to keep plugging away with so little hope but heh guys...take a look at us here...what wonderful caring folks...we are the good people and we don't have to live with guilt lies and deceit on a daily basis...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> No...I am NOT drunk. Just punchy.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SerindityT...you made me laugh today...let's try and keep our thread alive...some days I walk around in a stuper just to get through the day but know there has to be beter days ahead for us all..keep your chin up guys...

i'm not sure if anyone here is ready for my reply - its depressing.

h filed for d and took custody of my kids. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

but i countersued! (does this mean i am divorcing the same guy twice?!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

i am still limiting my contact w/h. and for some unknown reason i don't seriously hate him, but i am very upset w/what he is putting the kids through. now, instead of the communications going through an intermediary it goes through our attornies!!

so, anyways, i am looking forward to the d.

just want everyone here to watch what you say and do so it doesn't get held against you in a court of law. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

kismet2 sorry to hear about your situation. I wish I had some advice to give. I've been contemplating for the last week about giving my W what she want's but under my stipulation's. Since she want's a quickie DV I will give it to her but she will have to agree that she get's nothing out of the house except what she came into our M with and also no eqity(SP) from the house I will refinace it and take her name off of it. She can keep her truck and I will just take my name off the loan so she doesn't have to refinace it, which if she did she would have to refinace it as used and seeing how it's less then a year old and cost $34,000.00 it would be easier for her. I think this will be my best course of action since I've found out a few more thing's like how she cheated on me when we were going together and broke up with me for a married man and caused his DV. I'm going to use the old addage "Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me". I just don't think it's worth it waiting, life is just too short. So I'm going to start living mine again.

<small>[ June 07, 2004, 01:43 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me". I just don't think it's worth it waiting, life is just too short. So I'm going to start living mine again.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My sentiments exactly Tinman...it has been awhile since WS contacted me...today I get an email stating he needs front plates from BMW (left them in the garage)..took them off because car looks sportier without them...well it is illegal here to drive without them and he got fined ..(there is a God <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )...he also stated he needed to come up to the house to get a few other things..this guy will try anything to keep in contact...soo I told him..send me a list and I will make arrangements to take them to a friend's house..I have no desire to see him as he will try to talk and manipulate me and from your experience Tinman with your WW's visit to your home and others who have posted similiar situations I don't need the aggravation and more pain right now...

<small>[ June 07, 2004, 02:06 PM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

One of the reason's I feel this way is due to the fact that we don't have any children. This was also my main concern in my W not coming back.

It's hard to save someone when they don't want to be saved.

"A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows; Love can erase an awful past, Love can be yours, you'll see at last; To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die; You hope you've found that special rose, 'Cause you love and care for the one you chose."

Hi Tinman,

I think you are right in your own funny way. That is too bad that you are finding all this stuff out after the fact. Sounds like she was messed up a little before your R and M even started.

NO

You go girl! You keep him at an arms length all the time!

HINY

Thinking of you all....in my prayers!

Good to hear from you HINY I hope things are going well for you and your making your way through this as best you can. Wishing you luck.

Hey Tinman,

I hate to tell you this....but I think I liked Plan B or Plan me better than withdrawals. It hasn't been real bad here cause he isn't living with us yet, but I can see it is tearing him up. As much as I would like to help him with it, I can't. I just don't have it in me after dealing with the kids alone and my own feelings. He is on his own through this one. If we make it, we make it, if we dont we don't.

He is starting IC soon. And shortly after we are starting MC. The NC will be going out after he starts IC, cause he needs to do it for him not me. I for one am all done. If he can't find the light this time, I am moving on. I will end up hating him if I don't.

HINY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows; Love can erase an awful past, Love can be yours, you'll see at last; To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die; You hope you've found that special rose, 'Cause you love and care for the one you chose."
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WOW Tinman this woman does not deserve to wipe your feet...for a guy you have a way with words and sentiment...you deserve someone who can appreciate this

Yes, I forgot to mention how much I truly appreciate a man with true feelings in life. I think you are wonderful and she doesn't know what she has lost. I printed this out, it shall go on my fridge.

HINY

I wish I could take credit for that quote but it's someone else's I just like it a lot. I think it's very fitting.

Yes I agree totally. To every aspect of this terrible crisis we are all in.

One thing I did think about today at IC was that even if our M doesn't work I will be a better suited partner for someone else. As you will be too. You have the tools now to make an R or an M work great. Just think of it that way. You will make it no matter what. You are strong.

HINY

Gosh HINY..don't know if I could do what you are doing...so tough...I have followed your posts of continued pain and withdrawls from your WS and my heart aches for you...I so hope he does realize the wonderful woman you are and get back with the program...for me I have decided I do not want to live with a manipulator and controller...recent email from him stated that he should not be denied access to the house but he forgets that he abandoned me here to look after everything while I am not allowed to come near his place or even call...why ..because OW is there.. so if he can make rules so can I <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ..this is all about boundaries and I am making them stick...

<small>[ June 07, 2004, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>