Just read about your little episode Z and well, I think that anyone who loves that hard sometimes goes a little off the deep end with emotion. It's almost impossible to love that deeply and want something so badly to go right and not freak a little when you discover it isn't going as planned.

When I discovered my H's affair I caught them in the house and neither one of them would come out. They locked me out! Talk about feeling ashamed and hiding from guilt! I freaked out--kicking and screaming like a maniac. I look back on it and don't say WTF was I thinking; I look back on it and say...they were really lucky that's all I did...hehehe.


Take one day at a time, no, one hour. You will be on top of the world again soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Zzizy,

If I were you, it maybe a lot worse. I could have just crahed into OW and WH. I do sometimes have those thought or fantasy.

You will be ok. It may ended up like HINY to have Wh back, or like Believer to have her money and roses back. We BS have to stand up for ourselves, don't we?

{{{{{{{{Zzizy}}}}}}}, Z~, Z~, Z~

Zizz....wow....get some sleep. Then dust off, and get back into Plan B.


I will provide an update on my sitch...for those interested.

I visited with a lawyer today. I was very upfront that all I wanted was information on the process. He's a Christian guy, and really seemed like the exact kind of lawyer that I was looking for (i.e. not a flesh-eater!)

Anywho, here's the skinny on how it works in Louisiana. WW and I will have lived separate and apart for 6 months at some point in July. She can file after that point, and I will be "served." That'll be a fun day, won't it? From that point, I have 21 days to respond to the petition. If I choose not to respond, the divorce gets placed on a stack, gets signed off on, and 2-4 weeks later, I'm divorced. If I choose to respond, then a hearing is set. We go in front of a judge, and then the D is granted. That is a 2-3 month process.

I do have the option of filing on the grounds of adultery, but he said that is pretty rare. He suggested that I could use that as a way to "shock" WW into perhaps ending the A. I figured I'd be better off saving my $$$$. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So there I go. I would say that I stand a really good chance of being D'd within 90 days.

And I don't know if that's good or bad.......

Hmmph...

<small>[ June 10, 2004, 10:06 PM: Message edited by: thefurnitureman ]</small>

Furnitureman, don't know if I should be on this thread yet as I'm not officially in plan B. Just want to say I know it's a tough place to be in for you. You could drag it out to buy some time, and see if she comes around, but from your posts last night it sounds like you may be looking forward now rather than back.

I wish I was gifted with the insight and eloquence to make sense of this, but none of what you or I have had to endure makes sense. I've quit trying to understand or control the events, neither seem possible.

You're WW sounds real mixed up, I know you will emerge from this with more dignity and wisdom than she could ever hope to acquire. I'll keep reading your posts to gain the insight into what I'll be going through both in plan B and what seems like an inevitable divorce.

If the divorce laws here were like they are there, I'm sure I'd be anticipating being single by July as well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You could drag it out to buy some time, and see if she comes around, but from your posts last night it sounds like you may be looking forward now rather than back.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is my primary struggle right now. I still believe in "for better or worse" and sticking it out till the very end. At the same time, I wonder if just letting it happen, and telling WW that I love her with all of my heart and letting this whole thing fade may not be the best way to go. I know God will show me this, as I see now, how much He has guided me through this, but this is my "focus" (at least M-wise) right now.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If the divorce laws here were like they are there, I'm sure I'd be anticipating being single by July as well.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The worst thing about this, is that LA has a covenant marriage law. If you add the covenant part to the marriage, it is a two-year separation and 1 year of MC to earn a D. We didn't do that. It will be a drop dead requirement of ANY M (WW or other) that I enter into from this point foward.


And I'm not exactly "anticipating" being single just yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


Ethan

Geez....that covenant option should be mandatory for a marriage!

Well, if for better or for worse is your battle cry, what do you have to lose? You made a covenant with God. He allows you to divorce her if adultery is a factor, but that's your option not hers.

For your own piece of mind, see if you can drag it out without being antagonistic. You assume she is going to file, she may not. Let her make the overt act.

I have a rocking chair test. It says that I must do all that I can to improve or save something that I value. Then, when I am old and in a rocking chair, I can rest easy and have no regrets.

How is everyone doing today?...awaiting your thought for the day Tinny...Zizzy I thought about you all day.. how are you doing hon?...HINY...how goes the battle...stay DARK everyone...Binder nice to see you posting here....Furniture man hang tough...we can all get through this

<small>[ June 11, 2004, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

I've been really busy lately that's why I haven't been on here but things are going good. Here's todays quote.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."
-James Baldwin </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

NO,

Hi, things are okay. NO other way to describe it. Miracles are not going to happen overnight. Withdrawals suck, he is operating like a robot for the most part. Every now and then he comes around but I just dont expect anything at this point.

He didn't make the IC appt. like I thought he would. I gave him the paper the last time he was here and left it up to him. I asked him today and he said he forgot.......HUH? How the hell do you forget??????? Then he said he left the number in his car, and he had his truck puke, gag, hurl.....I hate that truck. It was the first place they had sex.......major trigger for me. Anyhow I rewrote it on a new peice of paper so he can leave this one in his truck.....LOL. No IC, NO M thats the deal breaker. At this point, it really doesn't matter one way or the other to me. My friend called and he doesn't want to go to her wedding with me, I am the maid of honor next weekend. I asked him and he said no, so I said that was fine. He doesn't feel comfortable. I told him I understood and I didn't want him to do anything he didn't want to do. So there we left it, he isn't going. I probably would have felt strange too at this point, better I go alone for now I think. But it still made me sad. You all have no idea how hard recovery is, or even pre-recovery which is what I call what I am in. Still waiting for the withdrawals to go away, for IC, so he write the NCL, and we can go to MC. Things are strained at this point. I do not go out of my way for him at all. I guess time will tell at this point what is going to happen.

HINY

Did forget to mention that the famous "overnight bag" that he carried around in his car between my house and hers was discussed last time he was here. I just told him I can't do it. Don't want it in my house, don't want to ever see it again in my life. He said I have had that bag since I went in the Marines. I said I don't care, it is a major trigger for me and it is just a bag, not the end of the world. He said okay has not brought it back here since. whoooo hoooo! I'm gonna burn it.

HINY

Well everyone I know I haven't been on here lately and that's because I've done a lot of soul searching over the last couple of weeks and I've found that I'm ready to move on with my life. So I broke my Plan B and called my W tonight to let her know that I wanted to talk divorce with her and be done with it. I know that I'm a better person through this sight and it has helped me out a ton, but I'm going to be selfish because I deserve better, I have no ties to my W like children and it will be a clean break. I hope she has a happy life and all that and it's time for me to have a happy life. The Tinman is Moving on because this path in my life is going to be over. Excuse me sixflags could you stop this rollercoaster it's time for me to get off.

Tinman,

I am happy to hear you are happy again. If this is what you want and you have searched your soul good and hard than do it. I am proud of you for taking the time that you did and doing what you had to do. Good Luck to you. You know where to find me.....btw what did she say when you called her? You didn't tell us the story. We have to have the whole story don't you know that by now? You can also post on the divorcing threads, they are helpful also.

HINY

She didn't say much just that she couldn't talk about it now and of course I didn't expect to I just wanted to let her know that I was at this point in my life. No sadness here only joy to see what the future holds for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Everyone thanks for support...i was missing awhile because i did the badddd thing...i broke plan B again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay okay...dont bash me..i know the rules...

The day after the car chase incident...mom took me to this place run by nuns who does nothing else but pray and they are hidden from the public. Their prays are supposed to be powerful and this sister whom i cannot see but spoke to told me to ask WH to come home. I told the sister i could not do that but she told me i must try.

So try i did...not asking WH to come home but going out with DD and WH in their usual afternoon outing. At first i was afraid that i would get hurt again etc etc...but it turn out to be a pleasant afternoon. You could even say i did a great plan A.

I could have pat myself on the back for that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ... i realise that the reason i did not hurt this time is because i went into it not expecting anything out of it. I have already given up the idea that WH will end this A himself. I am very sure now that WH will never be the one to end it. It has to be the OW that ends it so....

I went into it knowing that this meeting must be annoying the sh*t for OW...and that is my main motive!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So my plan now is...maybe...i dont know yet...i will wait for more sign...go back into plan B then once in awhile come back out and irk OW again... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am back again into plan B until another sign appears... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

At this rate i keep breaking plan B it is like once a month thingy...i guess that is not too bad.

zizzy - Why are you in the country you are in? I always thought you were in England.

Good Morning to all! Hope everyone had a great weekend, or still are. I went to watch my DD dance recital last night, she did great. I am so glad it is all over now. Too much running around. This was her last year so we are done with the payments also. That takes a load off my mind. Anyway hope all is good! In my thoughts and prayers.

HINY

Hi all. I haven't been here for awhile, I've been too busy breaking Plan B. Now I'm going to go back to it. But I must say, it was fun for awhile.

Had a great day yesterday. It was warm here, and my boys and I went trout fishing and caught three BIG ones. Last night we cooked them on the grill. Yummy.

Tinman, sorry you have come to this point. Only you know when it is time.

Well my W came over yesterday and we talked about our DV, so here's what we came to agreement on. I told her that I would give her the quicky online DV which is only $249.00 under these conditions.

1. Anything she had before we were M is her's.

2. Anything that we bought together when we were married stays in the house.

3. She get's no equity out of the house and I will refinace in my name.

4. Any debt on her credit card she keeps any debt on my credit card I keep.

5. She gets to keep her 401k and I get to keep my 401k.

6. She keeps her truck and take's that debt with her and I will just take my name off the loan.

She agreed to all these terms and we started the process of our DV. My life is moving on to new unchartered territories, and I'm happy with me and the state I'm in right now. Knowing I have the tools to make a great relationship with someone else is exciting and great. I'd like to thank everyone here that helped me through this hard time in my life. Thank you all so much. I will still post here and check in on everyone.

<small>[ June 13, 2004, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

Tinman,

I have been following this thread for a while now and am glad to see that your DV will be without huge conflict and legal fees. I am sorry to hear that things turned out this way, as I know that you wanted things to work out differently. Your FWW will realize what she has lost in you once she grows up a little bit. Take a vacation and be careful about getting married again too quickly on the rebound. I wish you well.

Believer..Last week was definately breaking plan B week for me too.

I met up with WH again last night supposed to get the deadline from him. I ended up talking and talking. I felt i was getting somewhere and he looked like he was getting ready to quit with OW. I actually thought of going back to PLAN A can you believe the fog i was in!!! I was just so desperate to get WH back.

Then i came here and saw Mom's lastest posting about her husband running away again. Boy! did that cleared up my fog!

I swear this is the last and i mean the last time i will fall.

My WH has also reach to that point where making love to me is not right anymore which he told me last night and told me not to seduce him but i did anyway... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> How can you feel guilty making love to your own wife? I really cannot understand that. WH has told me a hundred times that men will take opportunity to have sex if given the chance...i reminded him that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I also reminded him...who is the wife here and who has more right and that he has obligation to his wife. This is definately fog.

WH is feeling very very very guilty. I do not know how he tolerates that. He could not get us out of his mind and WH thinks of us constantly. WH also refuse to talk to anyone. At the same WH says he could NOT let OW go. WH has even gone as far as having thoughts of marrying OW.

WH said his deadline is end of June. Our anniversary is tomorrow.

My deadline is end of July...which i might extend if i feel i can go on.

This whole affair is a rollercoaster ride. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />