Here's today's quote


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life."
-Smiley Blanton </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Tinman, just want you to know I am happy for you. Happy that you got to a place of clarity and peace over what you need to do. By the way, I have to thank you for the creation of Plan Me. It has given me great comfort when I can't stand another day of Plan A. Last Tuesday night I had a LB fest with H, recorded on the recovery forum, where OI told him to leave and I didn't want to be with anymore. I very clearly told him I was in Plan Me. Of course he it didn't know what the "F" I was talking anbout. But it felt good to say it just the same.

I've said it beofre to you I'm sure, and I'll say it again. You are an awesome man, you're W is a very fogged out, stupid (sorry) woman. You are the winner here in, and you have your integrity in tact. Good Luck!

Zizzy, when I see your 37 yr. old H is with a 20 yr. old, OMG gag me now. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't be so torn up, missing you all the time. If he ends up with this "baby OW" he will get a rude awakening as to how she will ever meet his needs. C'mon! She's not even a grown up yet. How pathetic! CV

Tinman, just want you to know I am happy for you. Happy that you got to a place of clarity and peace over what you need to do. By the way, I have to thank you for the creation of Plan Me. It has given me great comfort when I can't stand another day of Plan A. Last Tuesday night I had a LB fest with H, recorded on the recovery forum, where OI told him to leave and I didn't want to be with anymore. I very clearly told him I was in Plan Me. Of course he it didn't know what the "F" I was talking anbout. But it felt good to say it just the same.

I've said it beofre to you I'm sure, and I'll say it again. You are an awesome man, you're W is a very fogged out, stupid (sorry) woman. You are the winner here in, and you have your integrity in tact. Good Luck!

Zizzy, when I see your 37 yr. old H is with a 20 yr. old, OMG gag me now. He obviously loves you or he wouldn't be so torn up, missing you all the time. If he ends up with this "baby OW" he will get a rude awakening as to how she will ever meet his needs. C'mon! She's not even a grown up yet. How pathetic! CV

Thank you CV life is just to short and since I found out that my W is a serial cheater I can find a woman who will love me for who I am and return that love in kind.

Hi TM,

I too wanted to say that I am glad that you feel comfortable with the path you are now on.As much as we are guided into marriage recovery here,sometimes it doesn't happen,not by any fault of our own.

I too am on the path of a D with my WH but it feels right to me and I have been praying and asking for guidance and this is where I am headed.I know that I have done my best and I have no regrets.Surely I would have wanted nothing but the best for my marriage,myself, my WH and my children but I cannot do it alone anymore.And I cannot continue to be married to a cheater who is selfish and hurtful.

Anyway,glad you checked in with us and you're doing alright.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi everyone..just checking in to see what is happening today...Tinny I think I will soon follow your lead...I have been separated since October and have now realized that I do not need WS in my life to be ok...granted I have my days when I think about our lives together... 30 years is a long time to try to detach...son and his family was up yesterday afternoon for a swim...it must be so hard for him to be here without WS...WS would play pool games with granddaughters...and here we are ..Father's Day is coming up this weekend...how does my son ever find an appropriate card to give to his father?...so sad but life goes on and one thing I get from this thread is strength and determination...all of you who post here have helped me grow stronger every day...just wanted to say thanks and I think of you all constantly...

October girl thank you for your reply, but I think it was your's and mom23boy's that really help me get to the point I'm at right now. I know that I would not be strong enough to watch my wife pine over OM while she was going through withdraws I would be in the small padded room. If we would have had children involved I would have been in this for the long haul but I can do better and my W is not very grown up and I don't know if she ever will and I'm not going to wait on that to happen so on with my life and forward and hope to hell I get marriage right this time whenever that my be.

Here's today's quote I think it says it all.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The best proof of love is trust."
-Joyce Brothers </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I just balled my eyes out. I was crying about losing my husband. I do not think he will ever come home. i was also crying for my marriage. I do not think i want to save it anymore. Something click when he walked out the door the last time...suddenly i did not want to help any more...i do not want to be with this man.

The whole day since yesterday i was seething with anger...i do not feel any of those woe me-pity me-i am afraid of losing WH feelings. I just have this strong feelings of i dont want him back.

i deserve better things. All of us BS deserve better treatment than this.

((((((((zizzzzzzzy)))))))))))

there, there.
want me to send something nice from kl?

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 12:23 PM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>

Zizzy that's why they call this the rollercoaster ride because our emotions are always up and down from one state to the other. I feel your pain and you will run the gambit of emotional state's. That's why I'm glad that I have found the indifference stage where I'm living for me and not even worried what my soon to be XW is doing. Hang in there Zizzy.

Ahhhh Zizzy...know it is tough...we all have these days but you have to be strong...I have a friend who was in my situation financially...all the bells and whistles..her WS was abusing her children....mentally and physically...his job took him to Romania for a few months and while there (during a reconciliation period) ...he took up with an OW a few years older than her eldest daughter...her WS has a high paying job...he returned from Romania with OW...my friend had had enough of the lies and deceit and left WS...she had to go to a woman's shelter because of WS's anger against her for bringing charges of abuse against him...he filed for bancrupcy so that meant she got nothing from the sale of an executive home and other assets...the lawyers bills were not paid...her Divorce was a number of years ago...she is now living with her mother...during the time of going through her Divorce she was appointed lawyers through legal aid who did absolutely nothing to protect her and her children..her WS just abandoned her and her children to fend for themselves...she wound up getting very sick from this ordeal and was literally dying on her feet...she wound up having to have a liver transplant...therefore she cannot work..today her WS is still angry at her and is taking her to court to try to take her meager 500/month spousal support away from her...again she has been appointed help from legal aid...this woman has been through hell and back..in the meantime her WS has all the bells and whistles and lives in luxury while she continues to struggle to survive but you know what ..her strength throughout this whole ordeal is amazing...she tries to set an example of a good parent for her children ...her children are at an age where they see what their father has done to them and their mother...her WS has a new wife and two small children...his previous family was thrown away to fend for themselves...her WS is unhappy and still exudes so much anger that his life is a shambles..and not to mention the guilt he lives with on a daily basis...my friend has taken the high road throughout this...she is a survivor and her strength and determination makes me proud to know her...she is a prime example of a woman we all can respect...so Zizzy..even though we have our days and wonder what the hell happened to our lives just remember there is always someone else out there who has been put through the ringer and has survived through this...keep your chin up hon...

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: New Outlook ]</small>

Ruffled...yes yes...send some Kenny Rogers muffin please...i like those but they dont have it here.

NO...thanks for the story.

Tinman...looks like i am heading to plan D myself. I was reluctant about the idea before but now i am determine to end it all. Dont break plan B too often unless u want to get to this stage i am in.

I have gotten a lot of respond from all around me to move on.

I am going to move on. I think i have reach Octobergirl's level of tolerance too.

I am going to divorce WH. If he comes back because of the divorce...i will try again and if he doesnt, i am moving on. I am willing to take the risk of him never coming home because a big part of me no longer wants him to.

I am also not too crazy about recovery and i no longer feel like doing all the work. I am just too tired of struggling and trying to make this marriage work by myself.

I do not give sh*T anymore about WH..i hope he never comes back.

I am so tired, angry and hurt that i wanted to see a lawyer this very afternoon but a good level headed friend of mine told me to stick my deadline...end of July.

I really see no point in waiting any longer. What is the point of waiting until July and now??? I want WH to know TODAY that i dont give a sh*t about him anymore.

I have been struggling, waiting, crying, learning, praying, humiliated, Plan A, Plan B, search for answers, buy books to learn and so many more trying to save this marriage...and there WH sits...saying again and again that he do not WANT to let OW go...never once since Dday that he even say he loves me and would not want to lose me. NEVER!

So i am also not going to care anymore. It is better to risk losing him then to go on waiting and waiting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ June 16, 2004, 01:06 AM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

Tinman...soon you have to change the title of this thread from We're in plan B and doing fine...to...All Plan B'ers heading for divorce. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

zizzy I don't think I can change the title of this thread. Here's todays quote.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."
-H. Jackson Brown Jr. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

zizzy,

It wasn't too long ago that I read your OW's parents found out. Do you know what has happened since? What's happening to OW and H now, do you know? zizzy, it may feel like forever, but if things are not progressing well over there, it would only be a matter of time when A is over.

IMO-- one should not make decisions when one is emotional. When you're calmer you can think better and make better decisions. You can rationalize, look at all angles before you take the next step. Remember, the D would also affect your DD. And your H will never really stop being your DD's dad, so in some ways, the link between him and the both of you will always be there. Can you really say you can look away when he comes to see DD?

I have already seen a lawyer. I went to see two, in fact. Both of them encouraged me to seek reconciliation first. They both said D cases take forever. My H's cousin's D took five years. Both spouses can be very sure of having the D, but as paperwork progresses, they stall and rethink their decision. Do seek out a lawyer to see what your rights are and how you can protect yourself financially. For me, the lawyer is not interested in fighting for me because As are very common and the proof of A must be very good. It is also very common for WS to deny A. I stand to get nothing from the D as we don't have any children. Because it's me who initiate the D, H doesn't even need to pay his part of the debts owed to our shared property. When you have decided on D, and if H agrees, it will only take three months. The paperwork can be backdated.

zizzy, have you thought of taking a little holiday to get away from it all? Sometimes us BS fight too much, want too much, cry too much and it is all no good for our system. And the days go really slow when we are in this awful mode. I look at my registration date, I have only been here four months but it feels like I've been here a year or so. So take a deep breath, dearie. Take that little break for yourself and your DD. Take care.

Today's quote


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "We perceive when love begins and when it declines by our embarrassment when alone together."
-La Bruyere </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Tinman..yes you can change the title of this thread by going to your first posting and edit it. But to change it or not is up to you...this is your thread and you started it....and its getting longgg. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hope you are doing better lately.

Ruff...thanks for support. I have seen a lawyer once...just to seek info. It sounded very easy and very cheap as long as WH do not contest. The best part is WH is so deep with guilt he is willing to give me everything. I am lucky in that sense.

The lady lawyer was a kind lady...she actually wanted to talk to WH herself but i told her to wait. She also said that Sabah has the highest divorce rate. Sad to hear.

I am not in a hurry to do plan D...i can wait until Jul...i even thought to continue my plan B onwards if i can handle it. It is nice to know that OW is going out of her mind wondering when WH will divorce me.

However if and when WH appears again in my sight and make me go psycho then that will definately be the sign to do plan D. One more fog talk from WH, it will be the end for me. I will not tolerate one more crap from WH.

You want to know about WH and OW...I know for sure WH is not completely happy in his life now. He has lost so much weight and losing his hair pretty fast too. So much guilt and WH will regret it if he does not save this marriage. I know my husband. He will regret because all his life he always regret decisions that he made. I dont know why but that is him.

Will WH and OW have a happy ending...i doubt it...OW parents still disagree with this affair and will probably influence their daughter.

Last i heard OW parents are thinking of sending her back to school which i hope will be somewhere far.

WH and OW are still living in a bubble of their own. WH feels uncomfortable going out with OW friends. In fact he never did as far as i know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Furthermore...OW is a pure chinese and speaks poor english. All her friends her chinese educated. My WH is not so they do not have the same type of friends. Totally not compatible when it comes to friends.

My MIL will give OW hell if she gets a chance to meet OW and so will my SIL...so i relish the thought everyday knowing this is for sure to happen oneday.

Even if his relationship goes on...i doubt it will last because..his guilt and regret will continue to hunt their relationship...the possibility that a wake call will happen to OW oneday when she sees WH bald and realise what is she going out with an old man. I give them 5 years max.

Lastly...i relish the thought of OW will never get to walk down the aisle. That might eat OW alive one fine day when her own fog lifts. They can never marry in church. Super thoughts for me to make my day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Even if they do make it to marriage...then the part of money will come in...WH will have to continue support to us. WH will always have financial problem so this i believe will create problems in their future marriage. WH will have to start all over again...save money for new house...for future...etc etc.

And if they reach this part and still can go on...then i definately will say this is TRUE love and they are meant to be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Morning everyone...how goes the battle?...know it is hard to post when we are all going through so much...I am now in the grieving stage as I know there is now no hope for my marriage...I have tried to be strong but am now faced with venom and hostility from WS for taking the step to take legal action...now that anger has reared it's ugly head towards my son as well...so sad...for a family that was so loving...it seems WS is cutting ties with all the people who once loved and supported him...he is now acting like a very angry rebellious teenager...it is bad enough that I have to try to get through this legal separation but am now being inflicted with more pain...I am wondering if it will ever end...I do not understand how a man could change so much in personality in such a short time...WS showed up here a few days ago unannounced in a rage to remove the rest of his tools etc. from the garage...keep in mind he has removed many items that are classified as marital assets worth a few thousand dollars already from said garage...I asked my son before the rest of WS's tools were removed to put together an emergency set ..ie a few wrenches etc.so that I could have something here to work with...he agreed to do so...when Ws showed up I asked him to leave the standing tool chest ( worth a fair amount) so that son could have time to put together a small kit of tools...he got mad and threw the tools he had in hand on the garage floor and stated if I wanted things to be handled by lawyer so be it...since my son wanted to be fair and above board he called WS to inform him that he was going to put tool kit together...WS went balistic with him and told him "No"...from what I understand they had words and WS hung up on son...it now seems any contact with WS, I have to be the "mother" and he the rebellious teenage...in my son's case...the roles are reversed..ie. he the parent and WS the child...son was so hurt that WS treated him with such disrespect and anger that he called back and quit the band they played in together...I feel so bad for my son..I was so hoping he could keep a relationship with WS...now Father's Day is coming up and son is so hurt that this day will come and go with no contact with his father...why do these WS's become so hateful and angry?...do they not see how much pain they are inflicting on the ones who care about them?..so sad that things have come to this... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Here is today's quote and an update on my situation. Well we started filling out the preinformation form to get Plan D started. Except my wife has no clue as to how to fill out this paper work she's generalizing everything like one of the questions is "List credit cards and debt on each." My wife fills it out "husband will take debt on his credit cards and I will take the debt on my credit cards." Duh I think you need to be more specific. I'm not feeling bad about Plan D since I'm still reletively young and will have no other ties with soon to be XW. I have this thought that runs through my head and it's very vindictive, like after the DV is final and my XW relationship doesn't work out then she calls me and says she made a mistake. My vindictive side will come out or maybe it's not vindictive for me to say "Yes you did make a mistake, but don't call here anymore you made your bed you lay in it and as far as I'm concerned you are dead to me." I'm not sure if I would use these exact words but something close to that. Anyways like I said I'm doing good and I hope everyone else is doing fine also.

NO sorry to hear your WS is being a [censored], maybe it's misdirected anger and he's mad at himself but taking it out on you.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> "Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."
-Leo Buscaglia </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">