Anyone have any good pot-roast recipes? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi Friends.
I did it! I nipped this affair in the bud instead of letting it blossom and then ROT!
I decided not to be like our dear friend FL and let it go on and on and fill my heart with dishonesty and grow into a passionate sexual affair. (And it had that potential!)

I was up at 3 am reading over what everyone had written me.
I don't want to lose my husband's respect and my community integrity!
I don't want to lose the respect of friends here at this MB.

So at 6 am, soon after the alarm went off, I told H that I needed to talk to him about something.
I told him about the car rides and the kisses.
He didn't say anything for what seemed like several minutes.
Then he said "That son of a b*****, how dare he after all these years that we have been friends." (He considers him his friend also.) He DID NOT cry! He was just angry!
I said "Hold on, it is every bit as much my fault and I am sorry. I do understand better though, how you were drawn into the affair with 'Jane'."
We talked much longer, that is just a little of what was said.

We sat down at the computer this morning before he left for work and wrote a simple no contact letter. It had to be NOW not tomorrow!
I feel better already, although I know I will miss communicating with the OM VERY MUCH! He surly did make me feel like a special lady!

"Dear 'John'
I told my husband about the rides and the kisses.
He said he will forgive me IF I promise to never do it again.
I promised him so I will keep that promise.

It will be best for both of us; my marriage and also your relationship with 'Sue'
if we keep our distances. H does not want us talking or e-mailing either.
So if you do ever e-mail, just know H will be reading it also. Actually, an "I'm truly sorry" to 'H' , might be a good idea.

On a marriage building message board that I am involved with, it says we will have feelings of withdrawal like an alcoholic that quits drinking. So we should both expect it and know that by keeping NC it will pass.

H knows we care about one another; that is why it is extremely important that we go NC.
Sincerely, Julie Jo"

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT TOOK THE TIME TO WRITE ME YESTERDAY.
I TRULY BELIEVE THAT YOU KEPT ME FROM MOVING FORWARD INTO A HEAD-ON CRASH!

<small>[ April 21, 2004, 07:51 AM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Ladysing, here is my favorite beef stew recipe! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I know you were being fastidious, but I feel like a great big load is lifted from me this morning...It is a BEAUTIFUL sunny day!
You have a glorious day, Ladysing. (And everyone!)
Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


BEEF STEW
1# lean beef (cut in small chunks)
1# fresh carrots, peeled and chunked or use baby carrots
1 1/2 cups celery, sliced
4 cups potatoes, chunked
1 1/2 cups slivered onions
3 cups cold water mixed with 3 tb. cornstarch, 1 tsp. brown gravy sauce, 1 1/2 tea. salt, 1/4 tea. pepper, 1/2 tea. garlic powder....

Stir together and put in big bowl, cover and heat in the microwave on high for 30 mins....Then put in covered crock pot for about 4 hours on high..

During the last 45 mins. add a 10 oz. box of frozen peas.
Approximately 180 calories for a 1 1/2 cup serving.

OK Julie,
Every time you feel tempted to contact the OM, get in the kitchen and cook something!

<small>[ April 21, 2004, 08:03 AM: Message edited by: Ladysing58 ]</small>

Good idea, Ladysing. Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

But how will I keep from gaining back the 20 lbs I lost on the "Infidelity Diet"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I can't believe how much better I feel today.
Like I have been 'cleansed' of this sin that was growing in my heart.

After several days of NC, I might be singing a different song, but by God's grace, I can stay on the right path!
Love, Julie

"Was blind, but now I see"

Forget the 20 lbs. concentrate on your marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessed Time,

I logged on today for the first time after almost 3 weeks to give an update and what do I find??? I couldn’t believe my eyes when I started reading your thread but what a relief it was to see you have came to your senses just in time. I’m so glad! Just stay focused and follow the right path! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good luck and may God bless you and give you strength and wisdom in this struggle,
Suzet

Julie...You hit the nail on the head with your thread's first post about being with the OM and feeling like your 16 again. The truth is that in order for me to even have the PA I had to drink and drink heavily every time I was with him. Thank God you have come to your senses!!!!

Thanks Ladysing, Suzet and Lisa for commending me for doing the right thing.

Many 'old timers' jumped right in and gave me lots of advice and lecturing!
I got criticized (justifiably) and raked over the coals for my behavior.

So, I impulsively did the right thing, told my H and wrote the NC message.
(Had I waited ONE more day, I don't think I would have done it!)
So actually, im my mind, I am thankful for all of you PUSHING me to do the right thing.
(Even though it wasn't want my HEART wanted!)

So where is the "Good Job Julie Jo"?
Is it easier for MB friends to circle and mark with 'RED' the errors in judgment that we make? How about some 'smiley stickers' and praise when we do the right thing?

So many parents do this to their children.
They only comment about the mistakes they make and do not PRAISE them for good behaviour!

All night I woke up in sweats and fear of this promise I made to my H not to talk with the OM...I feel I might have made a mistake and should NOT have told H but ended the 'emotional almost physical affair' and that way could have still kept in at least a LITTLE contact.
Now I am terrified of life without any communication with the OM.

He did e-mail back, apologized to H, told him how fortunate he was to have a good kind lady like me for his wife and said he would abide by the NC. (And he will!)

Sincerely, Julie

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 08:32 AM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

I'll answer your question, Julie.

You did do the right thing, in the end, and I considered praising you for it.

But I chose not to.

Reason: you shouldn't have gotten yourself into that situation to begin with. And now you're questioning whether you did the right thing after all.

I do not praise my son when he recovers from a bonehead mistake that was 100% avoidable based on his prior experience or knowledge. Instead, I'll stand by and make sure he recovers and then I may ask him if he has REALLY learned anything from his experience and what will he do in the future to avoid similar situations in which he knows better.

But that's my responsibility as a parent with a growing and learning child to help protect him from himself.

You are an adult and you had all the tools you needed at your disposal. You willfully chose not to use them.

I won't speak for others, but instead of me praising you, I feel you owe me an apology for requiring my time to try to bail you out.

WAT

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 08:01 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

So where is the "Good Job Julie Jo"?


All night I woke up in sweats and fear of this promise I made to my H not to talk with the OM...I feel I made a mistake and should NOT have told H but ended the 'emotional almost physical affair' and that way could have still kept in at least a LITTLE contact.
Now I am terrified of life without any communication with the OM.

Julie Jo? Now I'm starting to believe that this is not for real... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

You have written a NC letter and now you think that it was a mistake to tell you H, you want to maintain a "little contact" with the OM? Have you read the MB concepts? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

NC means NC! You are not going to get "smiley faces" here if you continue to ignore the concepts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You seem very conflicted about your desire to remain in your marriage and be honest with your H. Please keep reading here if you are sincere in wanting to recover your marriage.

HI Ladysing.
I think it is called early stages of 'withdrawal'.
I intend to KEEP that promise I made to my husband to have NC with OM.

I was saying I have these 'feelings' of wanting to stay in contact, stay friends with the OM.
I will NOT though, I will KEEP that promise I made to my H even though it will be difficult.
I am trusting that he has kept that promise he made to me to not contact the OW on the sly.

I am sure most people that confess when not 'caught' have these nagging doubts if they could have just kept it a secret.

However, I do believe for affairs to truly END, they HAVE to be discussed with the other mate!

Thanks for your note.
Julie

Hi WAT.
I hadn't noticed your note.

Thank you for 'wasteing your time' on me!
I am thankful to everyone that wrote me and helped guide me to the right path.

WAT, I e-mailed you last night thanking you for your guidance!

Somehow, reading advice to others, when it is yourself getting the 'lecture' is different.
I think it is just so much more personal that the words affect us more.

Again, thanks to all.
Love, Julie

Hi all.
I have been thinking while outside gardening and appreciating this beautiful day that if doing the RIGHT THING were EASY, there would be NO AFFAIRS!

Even as Christians, we have our old sinful nature to daily contend with.
Whether it be the sins of 'commission' or the sins of 'omission.' (Such as acts of kindness we should do that we DON'T do.)

Sincerely, Julie
And all of you that are hurting, "Hang in there" and remember that the sun IS shining behind those dark clouds that are over you now!
Brighter days are ahead!

WAT, you sure can be a pain sometimes!!!! MEN!

Julie, way to go, good for you, i am proud of you.

Thanks FL.
You are a sweetie! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have been following all of your threads.
It seems to be working pretty good between your husband and you.

You have done all that you can.

I think there comes a time that saying "I'm sorry" does NOT have to be said anymore!

If your H wants total peace of mind, the only only way, is to sincerely and completely forgive you.
Then both of you can move on with your lives and make your marriage the best it can be!
Love, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well I guess they say goodness is it's own reward... LOL

As I posted before, sin is pleasurable for a reason (Satan's plan).

And doesn't it say somewhere in the Bible that the path to wrong is wide while the right path is narrow?

When children do wrong, I want to reach out to them and teach them;
when my husband does wrong I have a moral obligation as his wife to try to stand by him and help him get back on the right track. Plus my husband's wrongdoing has a detrimental effect on me and my daughters so there are those reasons for wanting to help him.

But I will admit when I see other adults doing wrong, ESPECIALLY when it's not a simple matter of them being ignorant and needing to be warned of the danger (not amorality but clearly immorality - not lack of knowledge of how and why to avoid temptation but a selfish willful choice to succomb to temptation - not ignorance of the consequences but a selfish disregard for those they KNOW they will hurt, maybe even acting purposely for revenge) THEN I am a bit 'judgemental'.

Also, you got a lot of attention for your little escapade - sort of a reward in itself. I certainly don't want to reward you for a cycle you may be tempted to repeat again (if the end result is lots of praise).

Sorry if this sounds harsh. But I would be dishonest if I pretended you didn't know better before you chose to stray. And more importantly I feel it would be unwise to reward you in any way for going on your little adultery spree when you absolutely knew better.

Self-respect and dignity will be your reward.
Kudos from me (a 'virtual' stranger) shouldn't mean that much anyway.

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: meremortal ]</small>

Now I'm proud of you, Julie.

WAT

you are welcome and thanks, yes things are going fairly well.

i don't think it has been long enough to be past the "i'm sorrys" yet. i still have lots to do to help him heal and to help him feel safe in our relationship.

but we are certainly on the right track.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Blessed TIME:


So where is the "Good Job Julie Jo"?
Is it easier for MB friends to circle and mark with 'RED' the errors in judgment that we make? How about some 'smiley stickers' and praise when we do the right thing?

So many parents do this to their children.
They only comment about the mistakes they make and do not PRAISE them for good behaviour!

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

How old are you?

Aren't you old enough to have many life experiences that you've learned some basic truths about living safely?

You already learned that when you stick you hand into the fire you get burned.

When you don't stick your hand in fire .... are you hoping to be praised every time?

I think you are beyond the age where you need to be praised for doing the right thing ..... can't you praise yourself instead?

Afterall...

Isn't self-esteem based on your own value of doing the right thing?

I didn't kiss any old sweethearts today .... don't I deserve praise from the entire MB community? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Pep