I really do not feeling like this...Why am I so paranoid today? I just dont get it. Since he has been gone to work, I have snooped all over the place. checked his cell phone, no strange phone calls. Snooped his breifcase, his car, everything I could think of.

He has been so great this past week...showing me affection, calling me...letting me know where he is and when he will be here or there. Nothing to make me think otherwise, except for this pill thing.

Should I be having this much paranoia...I do believe him about the pill...I dont think he took it...but I am suspiscious about other things and I dont know why...Like he said he was going to one nursing home one day and THE nursing home today. For some reason I am suspicious about that. I have asked him several times if he did in fact go to THE nursing home today and the other one yestreday.

SH said dont be so paranoid that I push him away. he will get irritated and start resenting me for it. I dont want to push him..I mean what if he IS telling me the truth and here I am accusing him...what if he says, "well what the he**, I am doing everything I can to prove to her i am not lying and she doesn't believe me anyway"...That would really suck, wouldn't it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Don't worry about being paranoid mom, my H checked my cellphone records just when I thought everything was just fine. I was very hurt as I thought we'd passed all that.

You have a right to be paranoid and if Dad is like me he will understand your paranoia. I understood totally why H felt the need to check but was still hurt that he did it. Part of me (a very small part) thought why have I bothered doing all this work for the past 6 months if it can be wiped out in a day. What would he have done if I had been calling OM? I haven't asked him that because it sounds guilty and I'm not.

Jenny

mom,

You should heed your instincts but if you can't find anything to substantiate them, then drop them. Our antennas sometimes work overtime. Even so, I think you did good in checking things out but I wouldn't say anything to him. It sounds like he is trying hard.

I believe the story about the viagra, btw. It's too kooky to be fabricated and rings true to me.

I dont want to push him..I mean what if he IS telling me the truth and here I am accusing him...what if he says, "well what the he**, I am doing everything I can to prove to her i am not lying and she doesn't believe me anyway"...That would really suck, wouldn't it

IMHO, WSs really have nerve saying things like that. Esp. if recovery is early. Mom, didnt Dad just go into NC and come home recently? (Sorry if I am not correct, so many stories to keep track of!)

I feel once a spouse lies, cheats, hides things, etc. from another spouse, they forfeit their "right" to trust. They need to earn it back and that will take a loooooong time. It will take months and months (years & years?) of PROVING their trustworthiness.

Mom, paranoid means an IRRATIONAL fear of something. Your fears are NOT irrational. Of course you will be fearful of contact!

It took many conversations with my FWH to have him "get this." Now he does get it and has no problem when I get "nutso" about something. If I still feel uneasy about something he has tried to prove to me, he never gets irritated (at least doesnt show it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) And each time I finally realize there is no proof of my suspicions and I come back to reality. And he is always there waiting for me.

Talk to Dad and see if he can understand that POV. I have read how hard you both are working at this and it will pay off! Good luck!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by KiwiJ:
<strong> Don't worry about being paranoid mom, my H checked my cellphone records just when I thought everything was just fine. I was very hurt as I thought we'd passed all that.

You have a right to be paranoid and if Dad is like me he will understand your paranoia. I understood totally why H felt the need to check but was still hurt that he did it. Part of me (a very small part) thought why have I bothered doing all this work for the past 6 months if it can be wiped out in a day. What would he have done if I had been calling OM? I haven't asked him that because it sounds guilty and I'm not.

Jenny </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is why I didn't tell my H I was checking up on him. Because if there was nothing there it would only make him feel demeaned, like all his efforts were for naught. Also, if they know they you are taking a look now and again, they are just more likely to hide it better anyway.

So when I snooped I knew he was truly innocent and not just hiding things better. This made my trust for him grow in leaps and bounds. I probably might check things out once a year now, if I get a funny feeling. But other than that, I don't even bother anymore because he has restored my trust as completely as is possible.

Mom,

Dont worry about the 1/2 pill I totally believe the story, Plus what Doctor would crawl around looking for 1/2 a pill, Not one I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sounds like things are going well..I am happy for you. Keep your pulse on the N Home situation... Accountiblity should be no problem.

Keep up the good work Mom and Dad!

Dear Mom
The paranoia is to be expected. It is because you have been deceived before and are cautious about trusting your own instincts. I too believe his story. I think the fact that he was calm when you confronted him and supported you rather than getting defensive speaks volumes. If he was hiding something I would have expected more defensiveness. JMO

Great to hear how things are progressing. Sounds like the two of you are rediscovering each other.

Also I think as you begin to feel more love again it scare you somewhat in that it is difficult to put yourself out there and risk being hurt agian. You are getting closer agian and now you are scared of being hurt. That may explain why the paranoia followed you good day.

Anyway, hold on
C&S

Thank you guys so much for believing the story! That makes me feel so much better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Stressed, isnt' it just like a DR to be cutting a pill with a knife! DR's dont know how to do much of anything except give the orders...well, maybe yours might be a bit better with the knife since he is a surgeon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> My H tried to give me a TB test one time. He barely stuck me with the needles...I guess he didnt' want to hurt me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well, after this post...H called and he asked how I was doing...I said fine, but he could tell something was wrong...so I asked him if he was being totally honest with me and he said YES...I asked him about the nursing home and he said "what are you insinuating" not rude or mean or anything...anyway, I apologized for being so paranoid and that tomorrow I should be ok. He said I had nothing to apologize for and he understood.

Then he called me again at 11:00..I was out cold. Was falling asleep on the phone. I had taken a Xanax to calm my nerves. Hadn't had to take one in a week! He reassured me things were fine and he was looking forward to coming home today.

Things are really going well for us and the love is definitely coming back. I can really feel it and I myself feel like a teenager in love again. This program really does work if anyone has doubts. If you do it right. Today we counsil with SH. We were supposed to council on Tuesday, but he was running an hour behind schedule...yesterday we had the flat tire so Steve wanted to reschedule. Today, Pray that we get to talk to him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you guys for all your good thoughts and supporting us, espeicaly with the pill story! I feel much better with all the positive responses!

M23B,
Proud of you. You're doing a great job, and D23B is being very supportive. He is coming out of his withdrawal and helping you. He recognizes your courage, and realizes he needs to let you lean on him.

Without LB, he will not be so afraid to comfort and love you.

You two are finally doing great !! Hang in there...remember.. there will be bad days too...it doesn't mean you're going back to dday, it just means that you're still on the road to recovery... a marathon... not a sprint.

Keep up the good work !!!

I think paranoia affects us all at some point, whether our spouse has been unfaithful or not. Acknowledge the fear, then move on.

Glad to hear you and dad are doing so well.

Sending love

I get twanges of paranoia too at times ...and I am not a BW. Unless you call a job being a mistress then I have been one for YEARS!

My H works with only women all day and all night.
They call my home 24/7..the "New" RN's have left out phone manners. When I was a working RN and I called a Dr's home I would say " Hi This is Stressed from University Hospital is Dr So So avalible? Now they just say is Dr Stressed there
I would tell hubby someone is on the phone...he asks whom? I say SHE didnt ID herself.

I do so loud enough for them to hear..BUT alas it does not sink in.

Mom...You and I have it tough...they have plenty of oppurnity to cheat. They get hit on all day long. As a Doctors wife you could drive yourself INSANE with worry if you allow it.. DONT

Mine is a surgeon too..so paging him can lead to a woman calling to let me know that he is scrubbed in the OR (which is embarassing).

I have been lucky because my H thinks I am beautiful (see how easy we can fool them) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
He calls ME a dozen times a day. and has ALWAYS called me back if I paged (or has the OR nurse call if he cant) I rarely page.
He has not found anyone worth risking everything he has...and we do have marriage issues (working on them).

The fact your guy crossed that line...OF course you have moments...Now that he has "crossed the line" ALL the hospital will hear (medicine is very small, and alot of the doc's and nurses work at different hospitals)..
More than likely he will get hit on by others..
keep that antenia up...but dont let it drag you down...

Just keep working on you!! how's the training going?? I need to get me one.. age is catching up with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 09:33 AM: Message edited by: StressedOutMom ]</small>