</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Woman thrive on affection for their sex drives...men thrive on visual. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know this, but it's both bad and good in my case, I think.

This probably explains why my sex drive is so low anymore--no affection. Not really much affection in the wife/lover sense even before the A. WH was too busy, as was I, and I was treated more like a roommate/mother. I don't feel sexy, therefore I don't want sex.

On the "visual" deal, this has always been my fear in why the WH might not be showing me the affection. While I don't consider myself unattractive by any means and have been told by many that I look (okay, and dress) younger than myt 38 years, I have absolutely no curves on the upper-topper-half. I mean NUTHIN'! And WH is a boob man to the extreme (aren't all guys?). So even though he's never said it bothers him, he was always known for pointing out to me all the well-endowed babes on the street. The OW is much curvier than I am.

Will this be the deal-breaker for us? Maybe that's why he can't give her up. (Though I know they sag already at 26 after 3 kids -- may they fall to her knees!). Ha! - at least mine are in the same place they were when I was 26!

LL

<small>[ April 23, 2004, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: lordslady ]</small>

I found my sex drive increased in my 40s. Then in the late 90s H had medical problems, depression, SSRIs and BP meds that screwed us up sexually. I was extremely frustrated, especially when after a year and a half of counseling we were so close. Then came the 2002/2003 year from hell, H's meds are adjusted, and horny OW. Lucky me! H finds his sex drive, but it's with her.

Believer, a sex therapist in a class I took said lack of sex can cause a decrease in sex drive. I think she was referring to woman, but I'm not sure. For me I just remained frustrated, and was quite sad that H had no interest in sex. Now that I know he was screwing OW it is something I am having a hard time forgiving him for. He didn't have a W who didn't want sex.

After A was revealed I have maintained my sex drive. However, I have this anger towards H now that might be blocking me sexually. Just knowing how he betrayed me and what he did to her is a turn off. I hope I can get beyond it. I could in the beginning, but it's getting more difficult. CV

Turtlehead: Thanks. Not meaning to threadjack here, but, I remember the day I found out (D-Day), I didn't take my shoes off all day (and that's usually the first thing I do when I come in the door (my kids are like that too even taking their socks off in the winter). I had kind of forgotten that already. I remember keeping them on in case she left, I was going after her if needed. (As an aside, she told me that if I had found out 2 or 3 months earlier, she probably would have run.)

Thanks everyone for your responses. I had always been a highly sexual person. If WH was not here, I would start without him. But now the desire is gone. Do you think I might lose it?

Believer, I dont think you will lose it altogether. But I do think in order to have it, you need to have a partner and the affection! IMO anyway! But everyone is right. H and I were also so busy, and with no sex, the sex drive went downhill for me anyway. Now mine is back. But his is not. Unfortunately he gave it all to OW! And I am the same way CV is...it pisses me off. i always wanted to do it, but he never approached me. I dont know all the details of their affair and I dont think I want to know.

Blood test from the Urologist. He was checking it out as a factor for my ED problem.

Of course now I have a new med to take, I'm not sure what they would give a woman, but it supposedly could help. Of course I have to be careful around Poe so she doesn't get any of it on her, don't think she wants a deeper voice, hair growth, and male pattern baldness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Believer, I think it will come back, it will just take time.