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SS:
I had a good day 2day, but I'm going in2 a slump now. I'm going 2 try 2 "observe" this tendency and deal with it sensibly.
I do want 2 show myself 2 my W, but you're right - it has been so long that I've grown very afraid 2 be that vulnerable. it's going 2 take a lot of work 2 be "real" 2 ANYbody, particularly her.
but I will try, because I want a real relationship. I'm not sure it matters who with.
-2long
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Plan B will give you some peace and security. You have tried your best for 2long. Time to back off and nurture yourself.
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Hey 2long,
It would be hard not to have some down times. Think about it for a minute. You have done well. You are still there. Over two years, and you are still there. I could joke and say it's because your bulb is a bit dim, but I know better. I think in your better moments, you know better too.
It's because you are a kind, noble, patient, and loving man who cares about his family.
Sure you make mistakes, sure you loose it once in a while, but you have always come back and tried.
It ought to give you a lift when you think about how far you have come. If you are a little down tonight, you will do better tomorrow. There is still good there, along with all the bad.
SS
<small>[ April 29, 2004, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>
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believer, SS:
Well, because of our houses and lawsuit against our insurance company, I can't practically do plan B. And Penny is trying something with me that seems like it has a good chance of helping me help myself without feeling 2 much like a chump in the process. I did wait 2long 2 start working with her, though.
SS, thanks for the kind words. I would like 2 think that my W will realize the good things I can do/have done, and that those will offset the things she thought I did wrong all these years. Hopefully, enough that she'll voluntarily end contact with RM and recommit to our MARRIAGE on her own.
I can't expect, though. Only hope.
-ol' 2long
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Trying to save your marriage is not being a chump. Your wife has a good man and does not realize it. This is her problem, not yours.
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believer:
Thanks.
But I do have problems, 2. One of the biggest is that I can't easily tell when I've done something positive or harmful 2 my effort 2 save my M, because I don't get feedback from the one person I hope 2 impress the most.
She does have problems, 2. I hope she addresses them like she's said she intends 2 do for more than 2 years now.
-2long
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2long -
It is her problem. It is out of your control. I have finally realized that my WH's actions are out of my control. He is making very bad decisions. I have tried to help him, let him retire, but in the end it is up to him.
Either he will realize what he is about to lose, or he won't. However I am going on with my life, and it is good.
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2L,
It's one of the most confounding aspects of recovery, trying to sort out what the right thing to do is when soooo much is counter-intuitive.
Your situation is far more complex than mine was, and I couldn't have sorted it out nor could my H without the coaching.
I'm so glad you're getting the right help, I just wish your W would "get it" that you could be a much better you and be a better partner in marriage if she'd just get on board with the right coaching tools and paddle with you.
She doesn't know what she's missing!! I'm a much better spouse as a FBS in recovery. H is a much happier man. I couldn't have figured it out on my own I can promise you that!!
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2long...
why move back in next week....?
and I realize moving out is HUGE...and that you are not really "out"....and it's not something done lightly...
but what about holding off a little bit longer?
and really giving her a taste in to life with out you....
While dating her sounds good....I think if you have such a short time you really should try to take advantage of the experience of missing you...
so I am talking about you planning something...going to something...doing something...even if it's with close friends...with out her...something a little more tangible.....
and kind of plan A the heck out of her leading up to the 'event"...so that it is clear that you aren't doing this cause you are mad...or mean...
you're just behaving exactly as you would if you two were really apart...
and YOU KNOW that I am not talking involving a "date" thing with someone else...so that disclaimer is for anyone else who thinks that what I mean...
but I am talking about a dinner with friends...
an outing with friends...
something that she just isn't invited to...
not out of cruelness but out of this is what our lives could become....
And what about popping in to date or see her in the eve..but cutting it short...leave her wondering...again not that there is someone...but that YOU, YOU 2long....
have a lot to offer the whole universe...and just might be using some of this time to do that...
what about a short overnight trip by yourself??
it seems that you should take full advantage of this time right now....
it seems that you have your childrens support...
it seems the time may be at hand....
to flex yourself..out there..
ARK
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All, particularly ark:
I've been thinking the past 2 days or so, of doing exactly what you are suggesting. I have some exciting work-related stuff happening this weekend, and some out-of-state coworkers are leaving over the weekend, so I might go out with them 2night for a change.
There's even a big weekend thing coming up at the end of May that I'll go 2, alone if necessary (and for the soli2de, even if not). But there are a 2ple of other oppor2nities I could seize during the month. I am thinking about those.
-2long
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2long,
In regards to your feedback on your plan A from your wife---you'll find it very hard to tell how you're doing while she's still actively engaged in an affair. I ended up doing a pretty good job in Plan A---but I had no clue until after my wife's affair was over and she told me.
So, judge for yourself. Do your best. And then after the affair is over for her, you'll be able to see how you did according to her.
If you think the trip would be fun---go for it!
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I have some exciting work-related stuff happening this weekend, careful there......2long...what is exciting work to a rocket scientist...may not cut if for others as exciting..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But I should tell you as pepperband and I are both medical......we once shared an interesting exchange about the opening and drainng of cysts located commonly on the tail bone... we are exciting...!!! well I hope you have good ionic atmospheric karma this weekend... you should enjoy yourself 2long...life is to short.... ARK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
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Originally posted by ark^^:
But I should tell you as pepperband and I are both medical......we once shared an interesting exchange about the opening and drainng of cysts located commonly on the tail bone...
we are exciting...!!!
ArK!!!
That was private!!!
How DARE you tell my secret perversion of enjoying I&D on a pus-filled wound to the entire community!!!
I am SHOCKED!!!
Pep;)
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I NEVER SAID YOU ENJOYED IT!!! I SAID YOU AND I WERE EXCITING...!!!! I haven't laughed out loud at a computer screen in a long time!!! (except when they pull up the official marraigebuilders photo album and I look at WAT!! but don't tell him)..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ARK
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I haven't laughed that hard since the baby picked up the phone and said, "Hi?? Hi!! Hi?!? HI!!!!!! Hi hi hi.... hi. Hi!!" etc. For FIFTEEN MINUTES. Dang, it's difficult to take a phone away and act like this was no big deal but not something we do... when you're gigling hysterically.
I had to just let her play with the phone. Oh well. She'll learn discipline another day...
Hmm. 2Long, this is a bit of a threadjack, so to bring it back on-topic....
You're out of the house. Stay out of the house. There MUST BE a month's worth of things that you've wanted to do that you haven't been able to. No, not THAT kind of thing... but haven't you always wanted to find out what the rest of the rocket scientists do for fun? Isn't there a model rocket that you have not yet launched? A set of rocket blueprints that you've never studied? An upcoming launch from wherever it is near you that you've always wanted to see?
Heck, take a trip to FL and see a launch at Canaverel!
This is the time to do a few things like that.
Spend some really good quality time with yourself and your kids. It'll do you good, even if you have to laugh while they're acting up because you cannot keep your face straight.
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JustJ said...
but haven't you always wanted to find out what the rest of the rocket scientists do for fun?
Isn't that just like
IF a tree falls in the woods and no one is around does it make a sound?
ARK
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You guys....this is great! This is exactly what he needs to lighten up!!! Come on...there have to be more rocket scientist jokes.
He was at Cape Canaveral last year...so we need to come up with BETTER ideas!!
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Originally posted by ark^^: (except when they pull up the official marraigebuilders photo album and I look at WAT!! but don't tell him)..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ARK I don't know it it's still there...
MB photo album for awhile had...
2Long's PhD graduation photo .... he's wearing pink sneakers with his cap and gown! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Pep <small>[ April 30, 2004, 02:41 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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Just J: "Isn't there a model rocket that you have not yet launched?" Nope. Got some model airplanes that haven't flown in a while, though. "A set of rocket blueprints that you've never studied?" That's rocket engineering, not rocket science! (ask JL). And the rocket science we did 2DAY, and coming up this weekend, is far cooler than just launching a stack of explosives in2 the sky! "Heck, take a trip to FL and see a launch at Canaverel!" Been there, done that, videoed a 2ple of them personally. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> -ol' 2long
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Pep: Oh great! It 2k a post about puss 2 get you over here? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> -ol' 2long <small>[ May 01, 2004, 05:21 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>
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