Hey there,
Sorry I hadn't gotten on before your thread...wasn't sure waht to say.
When I hit about 5 months into recovery I hit a wall. I don;t know if that's where you're at now, and don't want to belittle your situation by saying "it's just a phase" but I'll tell you about my experience and see if it is the same...
About 5 months into it I saw we were getting back into the same habits...the same LB's the same igoring each other. I thought I was still trying, and he had made some changes, but I had expected more. It was about this time it started to REALLY hit me about what he had done. I guess I was so focused on getting my M and my man back inthe beginning that I didn't really look at what had been happening...he CHEATED ON ME!!!
Then I started thinking...I deserve to be won back. I guess my Taker was out in full force. There were some pretty powerful vents at the time. I think it was about the time you were just recovering and I was on the board YELLING about how I deserved MORE!!! (Probably scared you a bit, eh?)
It was at that time that some very wise people really gave me the scoop...that my attitude sucked. That my lack of respect for my H permeated everything and unless I changed my attitude, things would go back. JL was right.
I can't say my attitude has changed completely, and every few months I get on my high horse and complain, but I can draw back and realize that my Taker has taken over again.
Your H is with YOU!!! Yes, he may still have strong feelings for OW, and they may never go away...but it is a fantasy, and it is YOU that he loves and is with!!! Fall in love again. If you see life getting too humdrum do something spontaneous and fun.
His capacity to love an OW means he HAS the ability to love!!! And he is choosing to love YOU!! Doesn't mean he has less love for you.
