http://www.drphil.com/advice/advice...ationships/Sex&subsection=Infidelity

Sorry - I've forgotten how to make the nice little links with a topic instead of whole WWW address...

Note that the first thing Dr. Phil addresses is that OW must have had her brain abducted LOL

Apparently, Dr. Phil doesn't buy into the pretense that the OP is innocent, doing no harm to the BS, etc.

He also agrees that even if the WS and BS are separated, it's still adultery and wrong.

I had forgotten about this episode. Did any of you see it? What did you think?

The woman who bragged she could sleep with a different married man each day of the week disgusted me. She reminded me of the SIL my husband is the closest to (the SIL who likes to brag about every guy she's slept with - including lots of married men, and my WH's reaction is to come home from visits with her feeling deprived and 'trapped'...)

Also, note that she blamed it on the BW's...

I love Dr. Phil's response to that theory LOL

http://www.drphil.com/show/show.jhtml?contentId=1104_other.xml

Here's an analogy that I thought of the other day (regarding how some pretend the OW is totally innocent, the WH and/or BW are totally to blame):

What if somebody tried to excuse robbery just because the person they committed the act with was their 'soulmate' and they felt 'in love' with them? And of course they could even add that they felt they needed and were entitled to whatever they stole together. They could even blame the victim for not doing more to protect what they loved, not taking better care, right?

Why do some people have so much difficulty in accepting that the OW did something wrong TOO, and wrong TO the BW?

If instead of committing adultery with the BW's husband, what if the OW had broken into the BW's home and stolen all her jewelry? And the OW justified it by saying, well she must not have been protecting it well enough if it was so easy for me to come in and steal it from her.

What if the OW were a male child molester who LURED an innocent child away from the park with the promise of candy, a puppy, or a trip to Disneyland? Is the perv/perp innocent because the parents failed to 'compete' with his enticement? Does anybody tut-tut, 'oh well, those parents didn't stuff his pockets full of candy, buy him a puppy, or take him to Disneyland, so it's their fault if he was tempted?

And what IS it with the OP's responsibility being harder for a WH to acknowledge than for a WW to? Is the BW supposed to pretend the WH's is doing it to be manly, to protect women? I don't think so when by doing so he fails miserably at protecting his BW! And how can remaining naive about the agenda and methods of an adulteress possibly protect your wife/marriage from future affairs? Is it really a male ego thing? Maybe they don't want to admit they were in any way the victim of a scheming, lying adulteress?

i guess part of my problem w/all this is that the OW in my case is 20yrs old, single, no kids, never been married before, and still lives at home w/her parents, who are basically supporting her and my H in what they are doing. i honestly don't think that this OW set out to snag a MM. maybe it's denial but i just can't see that in my situation, also because from what i've seen she doesn't lack for anything, materialistically speaking. maybe if she has to support my H financially she'll start to LB. hard to tell at this point but i can't see him giving her up on his own.

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 11:28 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

My husband told me that he now feels like an absolute fool. He thought that the OW (23) was a naive young sweet thing. -That she needed his attention. I managed to get this sweet young thing's cell phone record. Imagine my surprise to see that she had stopped receiving calls from my husband, and was no longer calling him (just as he said), but she IS calling her boss again at all hours for some pretty long calls - 76 minutes was the longest. I showed that to my husband, and it was a slap in the face that really woke him up.
You know, your husband may have initiated the affair, but like the old saying goes, "it takes two to tango". If this girl knew that your husband was married, (this girl DID know, and was my two daughters' best friend) and walked right into it anyway, just what does that say about her character? The majority of my anger and disgust was initially directed toward my spouse,and rightly so, but now that we are rebuilding our marriage, I am seeing beyond his involvement, and see how manipulative she was and is. They share in the blame. As my daughter said, if a guy has an idea to rob a bank, and he has an accomplice, they are BOTH bank robbers, no matter who came up with the idea!

<small>[ May 03, 2004, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: Marie Elena ]</small>

My husband told me that he now feels like an absolute fool. He thought that the OW (23) was a naive young sweet thing. -That she needed his attention. I managed to get this sweet young thing's cell phone record. Imagine my surprise to see that she had stopped receiving calls from my husband, and was no longer calling him (just as he said), but she IS calling her boss again at all hours for some pretty long calls - 76 minutes was the longest. I showed that to my husband, and it was a slap in the face that really woke him up.
You know, your husband may have initiated the affair, but like the old saying goes, "it takes two to tango". If this girl knew that your husband was married, (this girl DID know, and was my two daughters' best friend) and walked right into anyway, just what does that say about her character? The majority of my anger and disgust was initially directed toward my spouse,and rightly so, but now that we are rebuilding our marriage, I am seeing beyond his involvement, and see how manipulative she was and is. They share in the blame. As my daughter said, if a guy has an idea to rob a bank, and he has an accomplice, they are BOTH bank robbers, no matter who came up with the idea!

Yeah, OW in may case is a real piece of work. Had the nerve to tell me she knew I hated her but she did nothing wrong. Then told me WS left me because I was dead in bed. Well, coming from a former prostitute, yes she admits to that, I guess that's all she has to offer a man. She knew in less than a week that WS wasn't available but of course didn't care because "she" was in love. These women are so selfish. My God she has a husband of her own. In my opinion she's less than scum.

Yeah,the homewrecker in my case is something else too.If I am to believe my WH about her,she was cheated on throughout her 4 year relationship(prior to my WH) by her boyfriend AND her parents divorced due to adultery as well which is why they(the mother and step father)are supporting her abhorrent behavior and why she probably thinks she is doing nothing wrong too.

Afterall,she supposedly said to my WH that she would not be involved with him unless he is D'd but even though he isn't,it doesn't keep her from dropping her pants <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Marie Elena:
<strong> My husband told me that he now feels like an absolute fool. He thought that the OW (23) was a naive young sweet thing. -That she needed his attention. I managed to get this sweet young thing's cell phone record. Imagine my surprise to see that she had stopped receiving calls from my husband, and was no longer calling him (just as he said), but she IS calling her boss again at all hours for some pretty long calls - 76 minutes was the longest. I showed that to my husband, and it was a slap in the face that really woke him up.
You know, your husband may have initiated the affair, but like the old saying goes, "it takes two to tango". If this girl knew that your husband was married, (this girl DID know, and was my two daughters' best friend) and walked right into anyway, just what does that say about her character? The majority of my anger and disgust was initially directed toward my spouse,and rightly so, but now that we are rebuilding our marriage, I am seeing beyond his involvement, and see how manipulative she was and is. They share in the blame. As my daughter said, if a guy has an idea to rob a bank, and he has an accomplice, they are BOTH bank robbers, no matter who came up with the idea! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maria-

I can relate. My FWH initiated the relationship with the SOW (serial other woman) but she KNEW he was married, was exposed to my kids at many functions, yet still "placed" herself in that position and took him up on his offer.

My H realized later that she has dated at least two married men (she has a son that I can bet was by a MM b/c she fled the city she was living in after his birth). My H felt like a dolt. He was so played. She didnt care when he stayed with me. Didnt beg him to leave me or anything. She was pissed b/c she had to "start over" (her words). How sick.

I have been throught the majority of my anger with my H. Still have some but the intense anger has faded.

Now I am angry at her. Real anger. Not only b/c she took advantage of the situation, but she lives in my neighborhood and is taking opportunities "to be in our face." i.e. drives down our street daily, driving way out of her way; being "right there" at church and school functions, etc. We are working so hard at recovery and healing and she is just a trigger that constantly pops up!

How these women can wake up every morning and look in the mirror w/o being ashamed is beyond me!

OW cheated on her husband throughout their marriage. I guess he cheated too. Yet for some reason WS believes she'd never cheat on him. Wow, is he in deep fog! This OW is still married but tells WS she's divorced which I know she isn't. She's cheated on WS too. She even comments she can get any man she wants. I suppose if spreading your legs is all it takes then it proves that these s**** are nothing more than unpaid prostitutes. Now there's someone you want to take home to mom.

I read Dr. Phil's website w/ his advice for the OW. I copied it & plan to send it to the OW in my life, maybe in a Mother's day card!

She is unmarried 28 yr old. w/ two other children on public assistance. The childrens' fathter is in jail for selling drugs. She claimed he was getting out in Dec. 2002, he is not out yet. She acutally had the nerve to say that my H deserved to be a father so she felt it was her duty to make sure that happened, was so deep in fogville that she thought he would leave me for her.

On top of it all she claims to be a christian! Not only has she never read the commandment - thou shalt not commit adultery, she obviously wouldn't know what a moral was if it jumped up & slapped her in the face. Maybe in her version of christianity you don't read the bible, much less try to live it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Makes you wanna puke. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

BabyGirl,
I agree. Do you think OW will even understand the concept? I doubt OW in my case would. She also got pregnant on purpose. Also claims to be a Christian. I guess when you are a lying, scheming w**** the Bible has different meaning. I would love to send OW all kinds of stuff. What a loser.

It is amazing isn't how these OW's put a spin on their antics to justify all the wrong they do, trying to hide behind the bible & then wanna cry poor me, I have to raise this baby w/o its dad.

Well boo hoo hoo. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />