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Yes, you heard me right! Plan B may be less than two weeks away for Dad and me! REDHAT and ORCHID I am going need your advice and support after everyone slams me here! MB weekend went FAIRLY well! FAIRLY meaning we had a HUGE fight on Saturday night. I got to meet Redhat and Orchid both with nice RED PUFFY eyes, and H was on his best WS behaviour! I wont go into details about our fight, but Steve Harley got to witness WH this weekend. Notice I did not say H, but WH! I cried in front of SH. boo hoo! Now about my Plan B! H is waffling BIG TIME! I realized something this weekend. I had a lot of time to think, without having the everyday stresses of life and my kids with me. I realized that there are THREE people in my marriage right now. ME, H and OW. OW is standing right in the middle of us. I have done everything I can to show and give my H my love. Suport him. I have filled his EN's. BUT, H is not letting me in, he is not opeening his heart up to me, cuz OW still has it. He finally admitted this weekend he is "probably" in love iwth her. He said he just doesn't care. doesn't care about my deposits and doesn't care about him making his deposits. He said this in front of SH. also in front of Redhat! On Sunday Redhat took us on a tour. Poor Redhat got to see the true WH side of H. Unfortunately, but GOOD for me cuz now I have someone who can see and give me feedback. Plan B him. You know what WH wants me to do? hold on to your hats guys. He wants me to wait for him for a few weeks so he can get OW out of his system. He wants me to kick him out, go be with OW AGAIN and come back after he gets her out of his system. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> OH REALLY! I looked at Redhat and didn't have to say a word <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Redhat said "let him do it" and then what, I said? I dont play games. H said he would be ready to move back in and go on with it. Well, we did this once before, 5 weeks ago. Remember? Well, No, Plan B for me is for WH to figure out if he wants US...NOT HER! So I told him IF he moves out, and he goes back with OW, that will be not ONE but TWO A's and he WILL NOT be allowed back inot my life. Then he said he would go ahead and take care of the kids at MY house...Fortunately Redhat was there..."nope, you find your own place and take them there" ....oh but he works on the weekends someitmes...."so what, that is YOUR problem" ...oh but he races on the weekends..."oops, another problem"... H is trying, but I am fed up. he says he doesn't care, he doesn't love me, he loves OW still, he wants to go sleep with her again, he wants this, he wants that...he wants his kids but he wants OW too. He KNOWs the right thing to do is stay with us...WHY? I ask? cuz your the mother of my children...and? Well, he said before he would not go back to a "loveless" marriage. Well, what is it now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Well, that is all for now. I know I will have more to add for now and I know ya'll will blast the hell out of me real soon. So go ahead. I'm ready for it! <small>[ May 03, 2004, 07:53 PM: Message edited by: momto3boys ]</small>
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mom...I'm sure that others will be coming on to post soon but I wanted to just say how sorry I am that dad is being such an [censored]!! He is the one that deserves to be blasted not you. You and your adorable kids deserve so much better. Again, I am sorry! He is going to be lucky if you ever take him back!!!
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I don't understand what you are saying...
but I am not the brightest bulb in the drawer...
he wants to leave for two weeks and go live with the OW for two weeks and get her out of his system to come back home...
is this what you are calling plan b...
or are you telling him to leave ...and if he contacts the OW you are done...
what is your plan b..
what is your husbands plan b...
what is the next two weeks....
ark
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He wants you to let him go back to the OW for a few weeks to get her out of his system? ICKY! How ridiculous!! That will only get her back IN his system. I completely back your decision - let him out and let him STAY OUT. How completely typical that then he whines about the inconvienence of it all. Gosh, this isn't inconvienent for you at all is it Mom?? SHEESH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
<small>[ May 03, 2004, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: hope4future ]</small>
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I'm sorry Mto3B.. your H is being a first class a**hole! JOINT CUSTODY! He shouldn't get to take a walk in fantasy land while you take care of the children he is 50% responsible for. I'll bet he had no idea he was living in a "loveless marriage" until his little piece of trash *helped* him discover that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> "get her out of his system" I guess that's what has to happen with any toxin, but the system doesn't purge the toxin when the addict keeps consuming it. Your H is a doctor, he should know that.
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Mom,
No ones gonna blast but the signs were there,at least for me based on what you were saying here.If he is still in contact with OW for WHATEVER reason,that is what kept it going.This is just what my WH has done in the past.What I am dealing with now is what Redhat mentioned.I have to find a way for my WH to parent AWAY from this home.HE has to see that he can't come here,have his time in our home,see me and get a fix,then leave and go back to contact with homewrecker and living the second life(bachelorhood).
My WH has gone back to say "good bye" to HW twice now and he attempted a third but that was foiled by a death in the family.Your WH ridiculous idea that seeing OW again to get her out of his system is just like the "I need closure" statement.Geeze.He is off and running again I'm afraid.You do have to let him go,I did that too.I am on the same path as you I think only farther ahead.Plan B is on the horizon.
PLease don't attempt to make any leave or stay decisions.You can't.Let us help you here,ok? Don't talk to WH if you are going to blast him,WALK AWAY.I know that will be hard but if there is a future with him,and I know that is uncertain right now,you have to control yourself.If WH is going to go back and be with this OW and have sex with her then get a Plan B letter started.If I were you,I would not let him have that time with her without a serious consequence.
O
<small>[ May 03, 2004, 08:17 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>
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hmmmm, that is about as rational as giving a recovering alcoholic, who in withdrawals, massive amounts of whiskey for 2 weeks! Does it help him withdraw? Hell no! It just deepens his addiction.
Mom, when did all this happen? What does Steve Harley say about it?
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Mom -
I am sorry to hear you are in this position. It seemed like things were going so well for you. There is no way I would allow WH husband to go spend two weeks with OW. I agree with everyone else. If he is going there needs to be a serious consequence.
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Oh, see I knew I would screw this up. I am jetlagged big time and a little tired! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He doesn't necessarily WANTS to go be with OW for two weeks. I gave him a two week deadline to get his SH1T together, or else. he is waffling big time. I didnt' realize it until he showed his colors this weekend in front of SH and in front of Redhat...Not so much in front of Orchid. IF after two weeks he is still waffling BIG TIME, I will go into a Plan B. That does not give him the right to be with OW in my book. What is my Plan B...I will let him go be on his own. I want to do a modified plan B, but I know that wont work. So I will go Dark. Plan B for me will be just that, Plan B. NOT TO BE WITH OW though. IF while in Plan B, he decides he needs to be with OW to "get her out of his system" then I will not let him back into my life. OK, so I say that now. But is that fair to me. hell no. I am strong right now. That is why I want to do this NOW. he even said this weekend that he may need to be Plan B'd. What is husband Plan B...haha, well, I guess he will move out, go to his "OFFICE" and stay and go into contact with OW again. All fine and dandly on my part...but then once he sees that OW is not all she is cut out to be, he wants to come back to his wife who will be standing in the wings. NO WAY! Also, he thinks he can come to the house and take his weekend here with the kids. NOPE...he must get his own place. My Plan B is for him to figure out what it will be like WITHOUT his FAMILY...Not to figure out what it will be like with OW and without his family. Melody, I think this has been going on, I just had my blinders on. This weekend he really came out in front of Steve and Redhat. Steve says I need to be extremely guarded and that I need to withdraw myself from him right now. He is not my H...he is the WH right now. He goes back and forth and that last phone call from her set him back....WAY back. So far back he wants HER back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> SH doesn't know about my Plan B yet. I am going to talk to him this week. He said to not give up just yet, that he sees hope, but he got so much info yesterday that he is overwhelmed. H's problem is he does not think that two people can "fall in love again"... I am not giving up..please do not take it that way...I am giving myself time to figure things out. The two week deadline is for my H to figure out if he wants to give me and his kids up for OW. I am not playing these games anymore. If he needs to "see" if she IS or IS NOT the right one, then he can do that...but it is not going to be with me waiting in the wings for him. I am HIS WIFE. I did not go outside my vows. And I do not recall that our vows said that if in 12 years if one of us decides we need to figure out if OW is the right one or not our wife can wait for us...hmmm, was that in any of YOUR vows? I know I am being a bit harsh and maybe a bit irrational right now, but alot of things opened up this weekend. And there will be boundries set from now on. I will need help here setting them. If he decides to stay, boundries will be set. If he decides to go, boundries will be set. OW WILL NOT be apart of my childrens' lives. Unfortunately I cant do a good plan A while he is here. Right now we have no plan. Did I make that any clearer? I hope so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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Hi ... m23b This is normal WS behavior !. Nothing new & it didn't surprise me a bit. I dealt with a few WH. Your H is negotiating to prolong his A, it is pure selfishness. I threw words out on the table to get more out from him & his plan and also to see your reaction if you are ready to draw & stand on your boundry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . He has to hear it from you. You are doing great. You believe in M but don't put up with A. You have to go dark from this board very soon. I will bounce a few ideas w/ Orchid such that you would still have support from the people that has posted to you. -rh-
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by momto3boys:
<strong> H's problem is he does not think that two people can "fall in love again"...
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A bit correction, WH doesn't believe that in-love could be created by doing 4 gifts of love.
However in his case, he put his guard up not letting you fillin his ENs and probably mislead you in guiding you to how to also.
You know why you can't plan A when he is there ? .... He keeps sabotaging your plan A by pushing hot buttons of yours so you LB'ed !. Sorry this 2x4 ... and you fall for it.
Note: Plan A is not a doormat to let him do whatever. Plan A is to show him that you could change from the past and ready to build the future. Thus taking the reason away why he wayward.
-rh-
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The aliens on the Mothership are salivating.
Beam him UP^^.
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Redhat, why do I have to go dark from this board. I cannot do that...This board is my lifeline! I cannot function without this board, especialy if I do go into a Plan B. I dont understand!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong> The aliens on the Mothership are salivating.
Beam him UP^^. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL! Yup, that pretty much explains it.
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There is a few choices you could do ... You just another site <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> that you could get help but you have to change your screen name and let your support group know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Create Yahoo Group ... Support_MomTo3Boys_PlanB <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> then invite your support group over there. Stay in contact via IM or email or phone only with your support group. -rh-
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Oh Mom, I am sO sorry. What did SH tell you to do? I just don't have any first hand advice and do not want to steer you in the wrong direction. Yep, I do have the 2x4 out, it's not for you, it's for that a@# of a H you have right now. I KNOW that's not nice, but it's late and my true feelings are lurching out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Keep us posted.
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Wow Mom I am shocked. Well he thinks he needs to go spend a couple of weeks with OW to get her out of his system? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I thought you said you have 3 young boys NOT 4 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I am with you on this MOM. If he goes he is back in the A again. So he is basically asking you if he can go spend a couple of weeks Boffing another woman? He makes no sense. Is he serious?? He needs that slapped out of him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I cannot relate to the "fog" stuff that is mentioned. I dont understand an educated person that actually thinks his spouse is so dense that she would say "Sure Honey go play with your Girlfriend, Just dont be late for dinner" If you do this MOM, do it right. otherwise it will never end. Your H refuses to leave the hospital (which is a constant reminder) He needs to get real. He is a fool.. and he will be a very lonely fool soon enough. Is he really so "fogged" that he can see OW helping him with HIS kids? is she just gonna dump your boys off at her Moms too? Looks like he is gonna have to arrange his weekends off. You deserve every other weekend off from the kids too especially if you have them fulltime. He will be supporting two households..and a GF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> HA! Yea maybe you should let him go.. Make sure you put me on your email list. (do you think DAD just cringed?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Stressed
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StressedOutMom, He is dead serious. Actually I am glad that he cough it out b/c it is better for WS to say "fogesse" stuff out since we could point out the false logic in it (w/o LB'ed). If he keeps it inside (self talk) or talk it out w/ OW, he might never see it clear. He saw Mom's anger, pain and dead serious about the boundry too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . (this is not LB'ed, he needed to see this) Also I point out if he wants to do that would he allows her to go out w/ OM to figure out ?. He didn't like the idea <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , I think that made him think twice. Another foggese ... "I am coming home to do the right thing, to keep the M". The right thing to do would be working on M. ... "I don't have a feeling for Mom right now I still think about OW". Duh!, he didn't allow Mom to fillin his ENs, he sabotaged her efforts and worst an intentional contact. He has a lot of stuff to think about <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and he knows what is coming. We are all capable to have A if we fails to guard our ENs, let OP fillin it and spend time w/ OP. It has nothing to do w/ levels of education or morals or IQ. -rh-
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It was 6:30 in the am...
I was reading some posts before the short people get up....
took my first sip of coffee....and read wats statement...
The aliens on the Mothership are salivating.
and spit coffee all over my monitor....
damn...
momto...
still confused but getting clearer...just have to clean the monitor first..
did you tell your husband he has two weeks to get with the program...
or is that an internal timeline...unbeknownest to him...
if he knows he has two weeks...won't he just sabotage to remove his responsibility and be able to blame you?
before WAT cracked the case with the alien connection..I was concerned that he recently hit his frontal lobe rather hard....but WAT solved it for us...
ARK
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