Originally posted by ark^^:
they know they are wrong...but the mind fights that label....

Sooooo true....

And sometimes, even after WS admits he/she is "having" an affair ...
if you say to that person...

"YOU are an adulterer" ...

The adulterer will often react like this "Don't judge me."

And it's not a judgement, It's a statement of FACT.

But it's the fact that they can BE comitting adultery and NOT allow themselves to say to themselves "I AM an adulterer" ... this is the defense the brain takes.

Pep

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

^^bumping bumping bumping^^

ARK^^

Never underestimate the power of the mind!

The most interesting thing to me about the mind is that it cannot tell the real from the imagined. This is how the Russians are able to train their atheletes so well. In the morning when the mind is in that state of not awake but not asleep, they imagine themselves doing whatever it is they want to exceed at, over and over again (is this the alpha state?), and the mind actually thinks that the experience is real, so the body has literally been in training because the mind thinks it is real.

I learned how to slolem this way, just by picturing it in my mind, never even used two skiis, because I would go over and over it in my mind on one ski. I did this because I wanted to get up and slolem the first time. It worked.

Also wanted to say Ark, that when I met my ex fiance, the MM, I wanted so much to believe that he was for real, I never had a clue for eight months that he was married. It was such a total shock to me when I found out I almost had a nervous breakdown. There must have been signs, but to this day I can't think of any, I was completely clueless. Now thinking back the relationship was abnormally intense right from the get go, almost sureal. And I think now after reading this, it was because he was doing as you said the WS does, and justifying his affair, believing that I was everything that his wife was not. Well now, I might as well be his ex wife, because I have become she, the phsyco b****.

Well must be time to go to bed, don't know if there was a point to all this rambling or not <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Velly, velly intelesting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

I wondered how my H and OW could be ashamed of what they did the first couple of times.. but kept doing it.. even made a video of it!

Then I realised (AND NO, I'M NOT SAYING IT'S THE SAME THING!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) they say it's hard to kill another human being when you do it for the first time(s).. but then you get used to it.. you might even start to feel good about it (it's the enemy, remember)... until you realise it was a person with a life, a family, a heart, a history that you killed.

So.. compared to that it seems relatively easy to get "used" to fun sex and to start feeling less ashamed about it if you keep doing it over a longer period of time. After all, you're not hurting anyone, are you? (even typing this still makes me want to insert a puking icon sometimes...)

An alcoholic..
A smoker..
A food addict..
A cheater..
Any addict...
they will all deny they're addicted and justify or minimize their actions, won't they?
Of course they know smoking isn't good for them (or for the people/children around them that get to "enjoy" their fumes).
Of course they know food eaten when nobody sees it DOES contain calories <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Of course they know they have been drunk too many times and really can't "control" it.
Of course they know their partner would be devastated if he/she knew.

But they don't want to know, they're hooked.
And yes.. our instincts are to chose the easy, pleasant way.. we can even fool our bodies into needing toxic substances that really are NO good to us.
We can fool our minds into needing a certain person or a situation that is really NO good for us.

Yep... so we need to SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
De-tox! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Start the diet!
NC!
Lots of love and patience and no mercy !

<small>[ September 09, 2004, 06:35 AM: Message edited by: brownhair ]</small>

Ark...........I love reading your insights. You are a marvel, keep posting these WS theori's, they are great.

A/C0810