YES!

We're familiar with Michelle Weiner-Davis.

Divorce Busters and MB principles have a lot in common. In fact, I don't know of ANY glaring differences.

In the list, I might dicker with one or two items - depending on the status of the affair - but you cannot go wrong generally following this advice.

WAT

After reading this list of things not to do it made me realize that I have been doing alot of things wrong. I have been that clingy desperate wife trying to hold onto someone. I think this comes from Doctor Dobsons book Love Must Be Tough. I think he does need to see me as a confident woman.

Is there anyway to find out about OW's parents and tell THEM what is going on? I'm sure they'd be happy to know how their wonderful daughter is spending her studying time...

From what I understand her mom doesn't want anything to do with her. Her father raised her. You know at first I felt sorry for her. Because my husband wasn't honest with her either. The whole time he talked to her he didn't tell her he was married or had a son from a previous marriage that is in his care or has a son with me. When I talked to her after we both found out she said she was sorry and felt awful. She also said that if things didn't work out she told him if she was still available she would see what happens. But she forgave him pretty quickly. I emailed her back a few weeks ago. Asking her why she is still pursuing this knowing he is married. She told me to stop beating a dead horse around that she wasn't pursuing him but if she was then I would have something to worry about. She pretty much called me stupid and told me I make up lies to make her upset with him. But everything I told her was the truth. Told me never to email her again because she doesn't like to read stuff from people she doesn't f***ing care about. Like I didn't already know that.. If she cared about him she would care about how his kids are affected in all of this. Maybe because she came from such a bad family environment that makes her not care about anyone else's. That is one of the reasons he keeps saying he talks to her. That she has lots of problems and nobody to talk to. I told him a long time ago that he is not her Knight in shining armor. That she needs to get a therapist. Who knows.. I just hope she soon finds somebody else and leaves him alone. I know if she would tell him not to contact her.. He wouldn't... But I don't think that is going to happen. I think he just needs to grow some Balls and do it himself. Until then we are at a standstill.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadMarylandLady:
<strong>She pretty much called me stupid and told me I make up lies to make her upset with him. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For what it's worth, that's because he lies to her.

Now stop fixating on her and DO NOT contact her again.

This is NOT about her. This is about YOU and your marriage. She merely represents the symptom of your poor marital environment.

Which brings up this point:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Until then we are at a standstill. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No you're not!!!!

YOU have a LOT you can do. Plan A your butt off and take care of that baby! Yes, repairing your marriage with your H's cooperation is at a standstill, but YOU can resolve all your contributions to the poor marital environment.

Plan A, Plan A, Plan A.

WAT

A little about my WH. His first marriage ended because his wife cheated on him and left him and their child to be with the other man. She hasn't seen her child but once. My husband went up to her in a store and said I just wanted you to see your child and she said oh he is cute and walked on. I met him when his son was 3 and since we got married he started calling me mom. His son is now 8 and always asks me why his mom left and didn't love him. I feel so sad for him because he has been through so much. I think if his dad leaves me that will just bring more pain to his life. When I met my husband he said he was over what happened and grew as a person. When I fell in love with him I just kept thinking that I wanted to show him that not every woman was like her. I showered him with love and he wrote me the most beautiful poetry,cards, and emails telling me how much he loved me that I inspired him to do the things he wanted to do. That I helped him realize that he could love again. I guess knowing what he went through it made me think he would never cheat on me because he knew the pain. He even said when it happened he felt like killing himself. Now I wonder if someone has been through it and knows how it feels why would they do it to someone else. He even wonders that. I told him one time maybe it was his way of hurting me because he thought I would hurt him like she did. He says he is sorry for hurting me. Of course he tells the other woman he is sorry for hurting her and feels bad for us both.

WAT
Plan A is what I am going to try. I really need to work on the list of things not to do and I am also reading my book I got yesterday. I did order His Needs/Her Needs. I am not going to even mention the OW anymore. I think once I lay off of it for a bit he will come around. He has always been like that. If I nag him about something he will purposely do it until I act like I don't care anymore. I guess it's just hard for me when he comes home late and stuff and I know he has been talking to her. Because that is time he could be giving his kids or his marriage.

I am kinda excited about this weekend. I have found 2 people to watch our sons. Tonight we are going to a dinner and movie and tomorrow he is taking me to Ocean City. I told him no serious talk or anything just a day to relax and enjoy each others company. He seems excited to go. So I am crossing my fingers but not getting my hopes up to much.

Well my weekend went really good. I made a promise to myself that I was not going to get on his case about the OW anymore. We went to a movie and dinner on Friday he started out very quiet but as the night went on I saw the man I fell in love with.

We had a good time at the movie and came home and had a romantic evening. The next morning he took me to the Ocean which he said was my mothers day present. We had to drive for four hours to get there the whole time he kept reaching over and grabbing my hand and singing the old love songs that he used to sing to me. We were joking around about something and I said I bet if you I wasn't in your life anymore you wouldn't miss me. He said I think it would be very hard without you.

When he doesn't talk to her for a few days he is so different. I just wish he would realize this. Maybe he does. Sunday we went on a picnic and took the kids on a boat ride. I saw something different in him this weekend. I am going to take it slow because everytime I get my hopes built up something always happens. But for now I am happy our weekend went really good. We didn't talk about marriage, Ow, or what we can do to fix things. I told him I just wanted to relax and have a good time.