How many people ignore him, AM?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong>So there is no real Plan B here, Redhat. Not in the sense of it being a recovery method for a marriage. So what's the point in holding back anymore? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is the whole point .... why keep him as the center of your life ... including OW. You are still holding on something. What you are doing serve no purpose, nothing, except busting your LB$ for him as large as our nation's debt. Appearently your bottom limmit has not been reached yet, I wonder is it love or is it something else. You decide.

However by keep joining him in his 'coaster you are delaying your self recovery.

Sorry, this cheap & bad chardonnay get to me, yet I keep drinking it. I could just flush it in the sink and open up the better one that I had picked up from our winery trip. Why ? I guess I go for the alcohol 13.5% on the most cheap one and get me tipsy faster.

Why don't you flush him out from your life maybe by then your eyes could see the much better alternative out there.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>How many people ignore him, AM?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good Q H4F ... no one, he is an important figure in her small community.

-rh-

<small>[ May 08, 2004, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

No one is pretty much it, Redhat & H4F!

Lay off the cheap chardonnay! I'm not on any rollercoaster, Redhat. I honestly don't know how he's doing, how the A is going, or anything. I don't seek out info.

However (forgive me for getting all-religious on you at this hour, Redhat; I haven't been drinking at all) in this case I firmly believe a soul is at stake. And when do you give up on that? I got a glimpse last year of what was going on inside him -- and it wasn't pretty.

So anything that can be done on my side, I'm willing to try. But it's not great, passionate love or a desire for a roll-in-the-hay that's driving me on -- it's compassion. When it's anything at all. (Statistically, my chances of remarrying at my age...well, I think the odds are better for being struck by lightning.)

And by and large I don't think about him, let alone make him center of my life -- even when I see him with OW and they make a point of pawing at each other in front of me -- but occasionally he makes even one of his antarctic attempts to reach out (this may be one of them, believe it or not -- all he had to do was contact my attorney, after all), and I don't want to cold-shoulder it. For his sake.

And, after all, a pledge for forever does mean a pledge for forever -- though at this point its fidelity to my word, rather than fidelity to a person.

<small>[ May 08, 2004, 12:35 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hope4future:
<strong> Best laughs I've had all morning!! I like ALL the letters! Orchids, although the FUNNIEST, would probably get the lawyers at your front door. Arks might be used in court to declare you insane!! ....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly! (more fog babble) Imagine the lawyers coming without having to pay. LOL!!! As for being declared insane, why wait? I volunteer? After all the exposure to the WS fog babble sanity is a state of luxury. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

I was looking forward to being considered insane. Little did I know, you both were KIDDING! I still don't think it's half-bad as an idea to write an Ark-type letter -- it would release the hold on ME his emails have, the throat-tightening feeling that I have to take these missives seriously.

And Redhat, do give me a little credit! Not many go through Plan B for seven months without initiating any contact, nor responding to goads for contact. (Oh well, in my own ethnic origins, close to Ark's, there's a saying, "Talk, liquor, talk.")

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong>(Statistically, my chances of remarrying at my age...well, I think the odds are better for being struck by lightning.)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">About me & my wine, don't worry about it. I never claim that I am an angel. I just use it as an illus. I just came back from BBuster to get another movie, it will be a long night tonight.

I was beleving the same thing before I steped out there. I am 41, Dv, 2 D, Asian, has my dark days, has something that will prevent intimacy unless she is willing to sacrifice herself. I like latina or caucasian, at least +/- 4-5 years of my age. Worst AS is one of my top 5 and I am no Brad Pitts. Yet, I found a female friend that almost get into R. It didn't worked out b/c any of the profile that I have stated. I am going to meet someone (cute) on Monday and she know pretty much about my epiphany, it didn't deter her.

You had something w/ a foreign guy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

You are not in 'coaster <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . Probably not as drastic swing but you still let him drive the car.

No offense, looking at where you live probably your odds comparable winning the CA-lottery.

Try BayAreaLinkUp.com. There are hundreds of events that you could go to ... to your target rich environment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

You have done very good but you probably need to wrapp it up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

-rh-

<small>[ May 08, 2004, 12:57 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Oh don't make me throw up, Redhat! That would be too, too awful! Online dating services! No! No! No!

Besides, I thought MB had a policy of no dating until the ink is dry.

(You're pretty cute anyway, at 41, you'll have no problems!)

linkup is not a dating service, it is an EventMatching service.

I don't believe in dating separated or dv'ng ladies too. In which, I found it common on the age braket that I seeks. My potential was "way too young" for me according to T1 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , at 32.

Anyway, hope you could make it to SFBayAreaMBer IX.

-rh-

<small>[ May 08, 2004, 01:21 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Ms. martin...
I am not kidding about the babble back letter from my end...

I am not kidding that oscar wilde would have something witty and wonderful say either....

but I am serious...

lawyers don't care about babble letters...they care when their client puts it in writing that perhaps he or she could have queen annes table...

NOT
blah blah blah....babble babble babble..
with no incriminations.....

look i believe in marriage builders...
I believe in plan a and b..etc...

but I also think that in some cases the WS is so lost and layered in their own creation they see no way to turn around....and that if the BS throws a crumb that says...
look dummy...exit is this way....
that it doesn't blow everything up...
and whose to really say if he came towards that exit door you wouldn't slam it in his face...

I am not suggesting some demonstrative declaration of love and pining....
I am talking a note of nonsense..
with little reflections that speak to her old WS..the one that the intelligent ms martin saw enough in once to marry...

Is he in there?
None of us know if he is...or if the alien abduction was one of those complete extreme ones you read about every so often in STAR magazine...

AND
I also am preaching that the reaching out is for her more so than him...
that she may need this to know deep in her heart that she did throw the line one more time...

ms. and mr. martin even in plan b...have been in a tango of social events...in which each movement has pressure for orchastration of being perfect..

if I do this will he think this
if I look at this will he think that...
and
vica'versa....

sounds exhausting to me....

I think ms martin would like and deserves the chance to talk to her husband even if it's one last time...and while I don't believe in the word "closure" persay.....

I just think she should try...
if she has no expectations she can't get hurt
if she tries and fail ...she knows she tried one last time....

orchid said it best...

if you SEE my husband tell him I miss him...

I think ms. martin should consider saying it once as well...
in her words...
in her words that he knows are hers...somewhere deep in his brain...


ark

Have to go out for most of the day. Let me think a bit. One thing time has taught me: you don't have to react quickly to these sorts of things.

OK, all. I've thought about it for a few days. Ark, this really is a STAR magazine case. H & OW looked very tight on the one occasion I saw them over the weekend, but I really have no idea what the reality is. I know he is in fog -- deep down I know that. But we need a fogcutter on a level that hasn't been invented yet.

I'd like to get through but, Ark, I just in all honesty don't think a babble letter would do anything, except reinforce his feeling that I, not he (oh no never he) is the crazy one. I thought of sending him a gift -- something to confuse him and touch him, maybe cutting through fog, but something without words, so he couldn't "answer back." (Maybe for Father's Day...) I honestly don't think my total silence is doing anything more than enabling at this point.

How about if my intermediary sends a letter such as this:

Dear WS,

BS wished me to tell you that she is not interested in further separation of your joint possessions at this time, as she has already stated.

Frankly, WS, I think she is a little confused that you continue to treat all this rather blithely, as something that has been jointly agreed upon, rather than as something that has been forced upon her unilaterally. She thought she made her own thoughts clear in her letter of last September.

She will be happy to talk to you when your affair is over.

Sincerely,
[Intermediary]

Problem is, intermediary may not feel comfortable saying this. I may need to get a new intermediary. Maybe one of my siblings, or something. A sibling may not make H feel comfortable -- but then, I am not trying to make him feel comfortable.

I'll forward H's email to my attorney -- but the benefit of this third-person communique is that it reiterates that I do not wish a D, it reinforces my PBL, without the absurdity of resending my PBL with its love-letter contents. Moreover, the intermediary will alter the letter to suit their "style," and since it won't be sent by me -- my lawyer can't complain that I've written him. At the same time, I'm not rattling sabers with any mention of attorneys.

What do you think?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong>What do you think? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know what I think ... here we go again, just drop it and have a cup of tea or come down to SF to join us for 5/29 Angel Island trip.

-rh-

Well, since it's more or less the solution I proposed, I kinda like it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And I think that after your very brief response, you should in fact do what RH suggests. Get back to living the way YOU want to live! Every moment you spend stewing over WH's actions and reactions is one that you can't spend LIVING. Living is more fun than stewing. (Unless you're MAKING stew, in which case how come you didn't invite the folks who're close by over for some, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

Please! I AM living my own life NOW! But I do get the odd communique from Fogland that I have to respond to ... or have to decide not to respond to. And it's not the simplest task to communicate to someone in Star Magazine level alien abduction, adhere to lawyer's wishes, and stay in Plan B all at the same time.

Which is a long way of saying I'm changing my mind. Maybe I should just find a way of giving files over to give the illusion of cooperation, and not communicate at all in any way ...I just don't know. I still just don't know. I don't want to have this whole thing in my lap right now. I'd rather do other things ... which is why days later this hasn't been resolved.

I understand. Even my own lawyer wouldn't back me up on the Plan B no communication thing. The WS exploits this - contacting you and if you don't respond it just makes you look uncooperative. It really is scary sometimes not being able to figure out how/if to respond. I guess if he contacted you about something requiring some sort of response then respond through intermediary after getting advice from your lawyer (if appropriate). I agree with those who said that if you respond, just say something about not wanting to divvy up assets at this time.

AM,
I'd like to see you ignore your H and see what happens then.

But, if you feel you do need to respond, how about, "I recieved your letter. My answer is not at this time."

Vague enough for Fogland?

I guess my question is are you two ever ever going to speak again....

ever?

cause I am not sure you are in plan B anymore either...
people have filed...

plan b for your husband...is a green light of approval...or so he will twist this to be....

ms. martin...you do what you need to do...

me,
I,
I'd say something...
I'd HAVE to say something or I would explode...
But I would say what I wanted with no interest in his response, interpertation, or processing...

I would say what I had to say...
for me.....

the fact that you are still concerned with his processing or receptiveness...
not sure what that means...

I know I am sorry that you are hurt...

ARK

Thanks, MM. The problem, of course, is that every time you consult your lawyer -- $$$$$.

And yes, I do look uncooperative to WH, who is acting as if nothing particularly important is going on -- we are just tying up loose ends. This is incredible fogland, and my H would have been astonished at his own behavior a mere two years ago. I'd like to put some forgotten context on that for WS; maybe that's what's hanging me up. I keep waiting for the answer to "flash" on me -- days later, it hasn't.

So.... what'd you end up doing?

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I'm such a wimp.

My intermediary says that she is willing to send note. However, she says, she wants to give my lawyer a chance to respond to email. (Tomorrow should suffice, she said.)

On the PBL, intermediary also thought that should be put by lawyer, since one never knows how something will affect a case.

I may just slip an undated, unsigned PBL it into an old envelope and leave it in his office mailbox. Won't even have an email date.

At a public event with H over weekend -- H seemed to be looking where I was sitting with stepson a lot. I could be imagining it. Big show of affection with OW when we saw them. What for? She doesn't seem to be making friends -- but then, she never did...she's a strange person.

I could be imagining much -- that's why the PBL might be a good idea... I'm just thinking about all this stuff too much, Just J. Nobody knows what the story with them is from the inside. Can't imagine it being good news -- neither of them are particularly happy people, and both of them have problems.

What's really irritating is my H is acting in public like we are still "friends." He really believes it, too -- that if he wants to be my "friend", I can't stop him. But friendship is more than having a warm fuzzy for someone. It has to be related to a series of actions that are supportive to someone else's well-being. How does he see that he (or she, for that matter) have acted as my "friends"? It's annoying, but I don't know how to publicly contradict it.