Oh brother! I got an email from WH last night. It's unusual for him to respond so quickly -- he usually takes at least days to respond to people --and I'm beginning to think he is indeed responsible for the four-ring phantom phone calls I've been getting with no messages.

Though the tone is chilly, the defensiveness, waspishness, and tit-for-tat "getting the last word" tone is not usual for him. When I said in my brief phone message referred to earlier, that against my wishes we were now dealing with lawyers so it was not the time for moving stuff, of course "lawyers" was a synecdoche for "divorce." He took me literally. (By the way, the lawyer he now admits he paid says he it was inappropriate to speak to me when I began to tell him that this was not a friendly D. So it's not quite as clean-cut as WH suggests.)

Of course there's no question of my replying, though I will leave undated, unsigned PBL somewhere where he can find it, as discussed earlier.


Dear BW,

Thank you for the message you left on FRIENDS' Mina's answering machine. I was staying in the motel X, but fortunately ... I got your message last night. In the future, though, the best way to reach me when I am in the CITY is by e-mail. Although I have been staying at many different places, I check my e-mail regularly.

I also wanted to clarify one point. I merely paid LAWYER X to fill out and file the papers for me, however, I did not retain his services as an attorney. Thus, the only lawyers are the ones you hired. I myself have no legal representation, and indeed, I would have to say that I am not aware of any legal or financial questions which would need to be settled by attorneys. That is why I have been trying to communicate directly to you. However, as I said before, if there some other way you wish it to be handled, I would be happy to accommodate you, although I would hope to avoid spending money on lawyers.

WH

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 11:06 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thus, the only lawyers are the ones you hired. I myself have no legal representation, and indeed, I would have to say that I am not aware of any legal or financial questions which would need to be settled by attorneys. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sorry, but my first thought was, "oh, well, sucks to be him".

Generally, when the lawyer draws up the papers for the person wanting/initiating the D, the lawyer is retained.

He truly doesn't live in the real world, does he....

I think you are on the right course.

It is bizarre...

what do you think it means?

interesting...
where is he staying??

ark

Thanks, Lor. He does live in a world where he has been the alpha male, cosseted and protected by myrmidons and sycophants.

Bizarre, Ark -- always hard to read, because he is so heavily armored. It's strange that he's staying in a hotel, because we have so many friends who normally put him up. (Does occur to me that this could facilitate porn addiction...) I have no idea what this all means -- hoping for a little insight maybe from you all.

As I've said before, whatever is going on emotionally with him is usually way, way below the surface. He denies have most of these emotions. Only at the end did I see they were all there -- immature, childlike and vulnerable.

What's weird, too: This is the first time he admitted to actually paying a lawyer. I'd been led to believe this was a favor from a friend until now.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Four-ring phantom just rang again. Maybe it's not H, after all. But I suspect the phone calls yesterday and day before were...well, I can't know for sure.

Funny...I had this thought as I was falling asleep last night...and forgot it till just now...OW may be looking for a way out, after all. A beautiful young man (no, no, folks, a different one this time) asked me out to dinner a few weeks ago with an older couple of our acquaintance. I remember hesitating after I said yes because I'd seen OW sucking up to him, rubbing his arm, etc. Even in a small town, I try to stay far away from people I see with OW. Turned out to be fine, after all, and the young man is lovely. But it seemed a bit strange then, and the hand-holding incident (see "OW with OP. Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!) seemed strange, too.

I expect OW hasn't had much experience throwing men out. Liaising into a new A is probably the only way she thinks she can do it...but she might have a tough time. She is one weird cookie.

Oh well, wait and watch.

Oh, I do love these. Let's see... I think a translation is in order.

Dear BW,

[b]Thank you for the message you left on FRIENDS' answering machine.

Translation: What the heck are you doing leaving messages for me there? I'm soooo confused. *sniff*

I was staying in the motel X, but fortunately ... I got your message last night.

I can't believe the world is so cruel to me that I have to stay in a HOTEL, particularly a yucky one! O woe, woe is me!

In the future, though, the best way to reach me when I am in the CITY is by e-mail.

Translation: Please talk to me, I am soooooooo lonely.

Although I have been staying at many different places, I check my e-mail regularly.

Translation: All our friends are starting to think I'm a creep! What am I going to do next?

I also wanted to clarify one point. I merely paid LAWYER X to fill out and file the papers for me, however, I did not retain his services as an attorney.

Translation: I have a lawyer but don't want to admit it to you. I'm going to babble in the hopes that you won't recognize it.

Thus, the only lawyers are the ones you hired.

Translation: Let's see... oh! I know, if I try to blame you, maybe this will look better.

I myself have no legal representation,

Translation: I am, of course, completely blameless in all this.

and indeed, I would have to say that I am not aware of any legal or financial questions which would need to be settled by attorneys.

Translation: I think you should just roll over and show me your belly. How would you feel about doing that?

That is why I have been trying to communicate directly to you.

Translation: I have no ability to understand your boundaries because I never learned good ones of my own. So I'm still trying to break them. Why isn't it working?

However, as I said before, if there some other way you wish it to be handled, I would be happy to accommodate you,

Translation: I refuse to accept that you won't talk to me, so the alternative of the intermediary was uncomprehensible and I don't understand that you already gave me another way to handle it.

although I would hope to avoid spending money on lawyers.

Translation: I don't want to involve yet more people who will realize that I'm a bit confused and overwhelmed right now. I might look bad. Oh, and I'd rather spend money on things that allow me to forget this whole mess.

Commentary from me: Silence is golden. And golden is a very pretty color.

Thanks, J. Not sure you're dead-on with the self-pity staying-in-motels (I'm sure it's a nice motel), but the lawyer stuff sounds pretty on-mark.

It is strange, though -- I know some mutual friends won't put up H while he's with OW (not from any loyalty to me, but because they can't stand her), but wonder why he's staying in a motel while he's alone. H, like me, is a tightwad. And why isn't OW with him, anyway? She doesn't have a job. Oh well, this doesn't hang together. But then, it never did.

And this is why you're in Plan B. So you don't have to wrap your head around a situation that doesn't, in fact, make sense. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So what's AMM doing for herself these days?

Oh, I'm doing fine, Just J. Thanks for asking. I would prefer not having all this stuff on my plate, though. I feel like some sort of boddhisattva -- trying to have compassion for him, knowing he's bad news for anyone, hoping he will turn himself around, with the grace of God.

I did leave PBL in a place he could find it. I suspect he'll leave it for OW to find, to inspire competition and renewed attentions. (Yes, he has a side that is that childish and self-interested.) It will inspire short-term attention from her -- long-term resentment from both. Oh well...

Stepson came over for dinner last night. Our repeatedly banged-up, reconstituted family is a continual source of reward. So are my many projects (which I won't describe to protect my anonymity).

Love the world's shortest PBL posted here. Wish I had said that!

There's not much wrong with being a boddhisatva, all in all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Compassion is good stuff. It may not save your marriage, but it'll save the world in the end, if the world is going to be saved at all.

And in between, don't forget to have fun and occasional bowls of ice cream.

Don't mention bowls of ice cream. Had one yesterday. New York Super Fudge Chunk.

At the farmer's market yesterday, H & OW came late. OW planted her a** on a park bench where she could overhear my conversation. Then H joined her, and the positioned themselves at 12 o'clock where I couldn't miss them. Fortunately, a big fat tree was in-between. Chees!

But my part, fortunately, is silence...because -- boy! -- do I have a lot to say!

<small>[ May 23, 2004, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>

Oh, I do love NY Super Fudge Chunk! Now I'm going to have to find myself some ice cream sometime this week. Maybe I'll walk over to the Ben&Jerry's some evening. It's hot enough, and a long enough walk, that I could almost justify it.

What is it with the OW and WH and needing to be close to you? I don't get that. And, err, at the farmer's market? Is that like a big hangout or something? Your farmer's market must be must more fun than ours is.

There are outdoor tables and cafe-type things. It's rather social.

Don't know why H & OW need to manifest around me. It can be hard to put your finger on, but happens on too consistent a basis to ignore.

Like the poet Akhmatova said, when she told someone she was being followed by the KGB. "How do you know?" the person asked. "My dear, it's impossible NOT to know." On some level, they WANT you to see and know it's them. Why? No idea. Seems to be tapering off a bit -- but could re-flare at any moment.

Well...maybe I have one idea. It makes it more exciting for them if they have some idea that I'm gnashing my teeth in despair in the background somewhere. Crying my heart out. It makes what they are doing more real and important. After all, their best days, I expect, were sneaking around me. As someone on the board put it, "Who'll be on top this time?" is a much more exciting question than "Whose turn for the laundry?"

They are both in town this week, doing their togetherness thing. If I'm not mistaken, people are avoiding them as a couple -- not because of me, but simply because she's weird. I really can't know for sure. In Plan B, I don't attempt to find out. Little bits drift back to me. I heard she said something weird in public yesterday, that nobody understood.

Meanwhile, I'm going to get into some heavy-duty work this week. I want to get a lot done. Maybe I'll reignite my yoga, as my body is getting stiff. I won't be able to avoid the show entirely -- but I think I can bypass most of it. And, as I said, I have lots of plans that are pretty interesting...