Now that I have your attention, here goes.

This past Saturday, I told WH that son and I will not be put in second place (we have been in 2nd for 10months). I would be filing for divorce. (WH working out of state and was laid off Friday night.)

WH home from work. Said he was not leaving his family again. He wants his family. He wants us to give it an honest try. He will sleep on the porch until I say he can come inside. I reminded him we had a tent. So now the tent is pitched in our yard by the front steps. My mom told him, he could stay in her guest room. He said no that is to far away from his family.

I asked him about OW. He said he is not interested in her. I asked when is the last time yall have talked. He said Monday 5/3/04. I asked him what changed his mind. He said he realized what he has done and what he will be losing.

Okay, now how and when will I know he is being sincere. I feel that he is home so 1)OW will not be in divorce proceedings (affair); 2) he is just using me because OW doesn't want him and he has no one else; 3)he really wants to be here.

WH just called said he is watching son. Our son is 10 months old. Affair started the day son was born. This is the first time WH has ever cared for son in his life.

Any advice, suggestions?????????????
j

r & j...I dont have any suggestions for you, but thatnks for giving me the idea. I now know where to send my H..He's too cheap to spend the $900/ month on an apt.

Tell him no pooping in the yard.

Seriously, has he written a no contact letter?

WAT

I see y'all have your sense of humor back now...I am LMAO here... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ...I could pitch a tent for WS..but I live cliffside about 500' above a road below so if WS left tent in the middle of the night for a pee he might disappear forever <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ..now that's a thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

This past Saturday, I told WH that son and I will not be put in second place (we have been in 2nd for 10months). I would be filing for divorce.
Does this mean you are not filing for divorce now?

I asked him about OW. He said he is not interested in her. I asked when is the last time yall have talked. He said Monday 5/3/04. I asked him what changed his mind. He said he realized what he has done and what he will be losing.
Ask him to write a no-contact letter.

I feel that he is home so 1)OW will not be in divorce proceedings (affair); 2) he is just using me because OW doesn't want him and he has no one else; 3)he really wants to be here.
Which one do you think it is?

WH just called said he is watching son.
Where was your son if you didn’t know your h was watching him? And how did he pick up your son if he’s never done it before?

Actions speak louder than words. If he is not willing to do what he needs to help restore the marriage, then he is not serious about it (yet).

This is too funny. Now we all know the solution for where to put WS in Plan B.

Thanks everyone for the quick responses.

Chris -CA123
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This past Saturday, I told WH that son and I will not be put in second place (we have been in 2nd for 10months). I would be filing for divorce.
Does this mean you are not filing for divorce now?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really don't want a divorce but I will not be put in 2nd place anymore. I have reached my limit. I am use to my WH, he has been part of my family for half of my life. I don't want to start over with anyone else. But like I said I will not be put in 2nd place.

I will ask for a NO CONTACT LETTER. But that is tricky because we shoot pool in a small community where we might bump into OW occassionally.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel that he is home so 1)OW will not be in divorce proceedings (affair); 2) he is just using me because OW doesn't want him and he has no one else; 3)he really wants to be here.
Which one do you think it is?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really don't know which one I think. I want to believe him but he has said these words before and didn't follow through.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WH just called said he is watching son.
Where was your son if you didn’t know your h was watching him? And how did he pick up your son if he’s never done it before?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My son stays with my mother while I am at work and school. My mom was mowing grass while WH is watching son. My grandma is also at my moms watching WH watching son.

I definately believe actions are stronger than words. Tonight I'll ask about no contact letter. Yesterday, I said jokinly maybe you could put an ad in the newspaper about what you did and how you are now sorry. He didn't say anything.

Thanks
j

oh by the way, how do I/we find out what our pre-A issues were that caused WH to look beyond our marriage to fill his needs. I hope this makes sense.

j

Too funny. This tent thing has got to be an MB "Hall of Fame" FOG thing.

r & j,

I agree with the poster that said you need to have your WH (aka Yard Camper) compose and send a NC letter to OW.

Jo

I will ask for a NO CONTACT LETTER. But that is tricky because we shoot pool in a small community where we might bump into OW occassionally.
This does not mean he can never see the ow again by accident. It means he should NOT contact her and he should NO accept any contact from her.
If he does see her on occasion (such as the parking lot or at the store) he should not say anything and immediately inform you.
He should take precautions to NOT go where she may show up.
If you play pool at the same place, go on a different night.

oh by the way, how do I/we find out what our pre-A issues were that caused WH to look beyond our marriage to fill his needs.
Right now, the pre-affair issues should be put on the back burner. You need to get the relationship going in a positive direction. Address what you KNOW is a problem.
After you are both showing some commitment, then you can fill out the Emotional Needs questionnaires. These will show you what the other needs from you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong> Too funny. This tent thing has got to be an MB "Hall of Fame" FOG thing.

r & j,

I agree with the poster that said you need to have your WH (aka Yard Camper) compose and send a NC letter to OW.

Jo </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm hoping there is someone out there with Adobe Photoshop and some "MaD sKiLlZ" who can add a tent in a yard to that photo WAT has of the Flying Saucer and alien.

counseling as a condition to get back in from the wilderness.

r&j,

I would also look at his actions and if he is willing to send a NC letter.Given the circumstances, your WH may be just coming home because everything else is falling apart(lost job,no OW).

Don't let him back in until some specific actions are implemented.NC letter,counseling,etc.Don't go easy on him now that he has parked himself out in the yard.Make him work for his right to return home, fully.

O

O

The best part of this is that YC's tent is apparently in the FRONT yard! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, all he needs is a sign... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-ol' 2long

Just a wild guess, but would that sign read "DOG HOUSE ... err TENT"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ May 10, 2004, 05:50 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

"WH living in a tent in yard "


I love this lady! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

r&j -

Sorry we are all getting such a bang out of this. I know you are still very hurt.

You can check out the emotional needs questionnaire here. That way you both can figure out what your needs are. Then try to meet them for each other.

Believer - Don't worry about the fun, I too think it is funny after what WH has done. As he said it is his turn to beg me.

Do you think we should start with the Emotional Needs questionnaire now because Chris -CA123
stated. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">oh by the way, how do I/we find out what our pre-A issues were that caused WH to look beyond our marriage to fill his needs.
Right now, the pre-affair issues should be put on the back burner. You need to get the relationship going in a positive direction. Address what you KNOW is a problem.
After you are both showing some commitment, then you can fill out the Emotional Needs questionnaires. These will show you what the other needs from you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is there a step by step plan for recovery? For example 1. NC letter 2. counseling 3. ? 4. ?

Last night WH told me that the reason he started talking to OW and left because of all the fighting over money issues. WH said it was easy to talk to OW. How do I respond to him telling me this?

j

Of course it's easy to talk with OW, you don't have a joint checking account or joint bills, you have a fantasy life together, and in the fantasy life no one has to worry about money.

Give them a couple of months of having to share things and see how real things get...

"counseling as a condition to get back in from the wilderness."

LOL

Hey, a tent is better than a doghouse LOL

Hmmmm.... we have an RV (in storage in another state)... For that matter, we have a shed...

OK, I just have to ask:
What have you told the neighbors?

I swear I would be really tempted to make an anonymous call to the media LOL
I think this is as funny as that macho guy modeling/selling his ex-wife's wedding dress on e-bay LOL

Seriously though:
He said he was ready to beg for you?!?!
That's great news - and exactly the attitude adjustment I'm waiting for my WH to have!
As to finding it easier to talk to the OW... Well, that's a common tactic in the adulteress' arsenal of tricks. (Not sure if you should say that though - might be LB'ing) Maybe you could ask him what he was afraid you would say or do if he had talked to you instead of to OW? And ask him if he has identified any ways he can protect himself and your marriage from such future temptations to talk to an OW? What precautions can he see should be put in place in the future? In addition to why did he talk to her instead of to you, when and where did he talk to her? Maybe things like going out to lunch with women or e-mailing women need to be eliminated?