Durham- My WH and I have not taken any classes together this time but did with our first. My deliveries in the past have been easy, secret is have kids with small heads 2 pushes and they are out LOL.

A week ago my WH was going to be in the delivery room with me today I don't know. I have been in plan A and wanted to stay that way till after the baby came. However, after discovering more lies I am beginning to think I need to move to plan B. I really want him to be there not for me or even him but for the baby. I can't imagine explaining to him/her later in life Daddy wasn't there but he was for your brother and sister. \

Loy- My pregnancy is passing by so quickly also. Often when friends and family ask me how my pg is going I reply "Oh am I pg" it just seems so distant sometimes. I definitely have more to concentrate on this time.

<small>[ May 12, 2004, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: limbojenn ]</small>

Keep me posted on whether your H attends things or not. I have 4 more months so who knows what will happen. I don't want him to miss out but also don't want to even look at him.
How can he help me deliver and be with OW???

Hey Ladies:

My Wh has been thinking of the consequences of the A more and more. One of the top consequences would be not seeing the birth of this child and not being able to be a daily dad.

While pregnancy and babies are definately a stress on a relationship and can encourage an A as a escape, I think in the end these miracles, our children, are a great leverage.

Not sure if I would let wh into the delivery room if the A was on-going, but my wh fears not being there.

I still have 14 more weeks so my H may not realize everything just yet. Although my prenatal classes start the end of June. Did your H go to classes? Is this your first child? Was your H giving you a bunch of fog like they were meant to be together ect???

I had my 2nd doc appointment today.. It was such a relief to hear the baby's heartbeat. I was thinking something was wrong because I didn't start to feel pregnant anymore. I actually lost a pound. Course I only gained 8 pounds with my first son and lost 17 afterwards. I was single but engaged to my current spouse when I was pregnant he lived 2 hours away and worked late so he couldn't go with me to my appointments or birthing class. I took the next best person my mom... Which she also came to the delivery. I told my WH if he leaves then I don't think I can handle him being at the delivery of this baby. He seemed hurt but what does he think I am? Also told him if he leaves and does end up dating other woman I do not want my kids around her.

Durham,
You asked about my story so here it is. I was 6-7 months pregnant when my WH started staying away more. Stupid as I was I believe his stories. H went to birthing classes with me and even held my hand in the delivery room. Left hospital and went to OW (found that out later). For the first 2-3 months of my daughter's life, H found reasons not to be home.(Still stupid). Finally one day H comes home and tells me about the A. OWH was going to call me. H stays they are just friends, blah, blah. (Still stupid I buy it) We worked on marriage for a while until things fell apart and I find H is still talking to OW. since then I have been trying. H is in the FOG. H thinks he loves her. Sometimes sees it could be infatuation, but not sure if H loves me.
I'm glad I didn't know about the A during my P, I don't know how you are doing it. You must have a lot of strength. I pray for you. since my H wasn't around much, I felt the baby was all mine. I bonded with her before she was here. And he missed out on the first 3 months. Give your baby all that love and it will come back at you. And as for the father, it is all his loss. Take care of yourself and enjoy each moment. God Bless

SML Glad to hear everything went well with your appt. I have suffered 2 losses, a boy at 20 weeks and 1 at 11 weeks. I know to well the panic that can set in when you don't feel pg. If you need reassurance before your next visit call and ask for it. There is no reason your Dr shouldn't bring you in and ease your mind, you are facing plenty of stress already.

I wouldn't worry to much about the weight gain. Stay hydrated and make good choices when you do eat. I say this but had a krispy kreme doughnut for lunch SHHHH lets keep it a secret.

star*bump for kloe

I'm scared of the baby arriving. Will the all the stress a newborn brings, combined with the huge task of rebuilding - crush us?

Loy,

I don't think that you are likely to be crushed at all....you are singularly strong. Do I think it will take all of your strength? Yes, probably. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> And still....I feel in my heart that you are up to this task and that God is on your side. I must honestly admit that adding a newborn to this mix doesn't simplify this situation any....and I understand your fear and worry. It's a mixed bag though....there is beauty and joy that goes along with that newborn. There is a bond in that tiny life that forever ties you and your husband together. That is very powerful stuff you know. So even though it will complicate things....not all of those complications are negative ones....so concentrate your thoughts on the ones that are empowering and good. Remember....the world shapes itself around your thoughts!! It doesn't just change women to mothers....it changes men to fathers as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing.

BH03-Were you ever in plan B? How long between DDay and your H coming through the fog?

Thanks Star, great advice as always.

I know there is post-partum depression, but is there a delayed reaction post-partum? Something that hits 5-6 months after the baby is born?

<small>[ May 21, 2004, 11:31 AM: Message edited by: Loy ]</small>

Loy,

When is your due date. How is your H acting? Is this your first child?

Durham:

I was never in Plan B; I never had the chance. FWH has always confessed his affairs, after he's ended them.

So trust me -- I feel for those of you enduring Plan A or Plan B. (In fact, so does FWH. I told him about the Plan A/B concepts a few weeks ago at dinner, and he was literally sick to his stomach. We left the restaurant with half-touched dinners remaining on our plates.) Dealing with an affair is hard enough without enduring the back-and-forth, will-he-or-won't-he crap

How are you feeling these day? And what's happening in your situation? For whatever reason, God has placed you heavy on my heart. I'm praying for you daily -- and I don't say that lightly.

BH03

Durham,

This is my second pregnancy, our first child is 18 months and my due date is June 25.

The reason why I was asking about post-post partum depression is that I felt very flat about everything in my life last spring when our daughter was 5 months old and I think this may have kicked off our journey into a "low valley" of marriage.

My wh is still suffering in withdrawal, but he will be going on meds next week. I am very excited about this because wh is taking responsibility for his own well being and happiness. Not that he blamed me for his depression, but I think sometimes has viewed his unhappiness/depression as proof we shouldn't be together. MC described WH as divided. His head is with me and our family and is committed to our marriage, but his heart is torn and uncertain. I think meds are really going to help wh take pressure off of himself.

There was phone contact with ow last week and I think this increased WH's depression, but I also think it made an impact on wh as to exactly how vulnerable he is. In the past wh thought he could handle contact.

WH and I are sharing more, I'm trying to be more vulnerable with him, and wh is turning toward me more often. Wh has been starting more conversations about our relationship, his feelings, and fears. It's sometimes hard for me to be vulnerable, I already feel like I am standing before him naked in the rain.

Anyway, MC wants us to go on a retreat without daughter for 3 - 4 days within the next couple of weeks. She wants us to work on reconnecting, taking advantage of this time before baby2. MC talked about lowering our expectations of our time together and not put so much pressure on ourselves to feel "in love" and is encouraging to just "be" and experience each other as individuals.

I too am a member of this club. I am 11 weeks pregnant with my first child and my WS moved out on Sunday. I am hoping the time apart will help him realize that we could make this work.

How do you cope? This is suppose to be one of the best times of your lives and all I can feel and see is misery.

As long as you are behaving responsibly and are healthy, don't worry about the baby. The baby will grow and develop regardless of your fears and doubts for the future. Focus on what you can do, not what you can't.

So, in addition to impplementing whatever plan your on, make sure you enjoy this last bit of childless freedom. Explore a hobby, see friends, get out of the house. This is all much easier said than done, but I try to make it a goal to get out a few times a week. This is getting harder because I am now 35 weeks and super tired.

You work on yourself and mother nature will work on your baby.

Kloe,

What plan are you in. Is he seeing OW. I have been in plan B for 4 weeks. It isn't ever easy but it does get better. You still think about it a lot but focus on other things like the baby and preparing.
I read lots of books when I am going crazy or can't sleep. I also see friends and family a lot. I am never home. Unfortunately only time will tell the future. Work on yourself!!

He said he wasn't "seeing" her any more but she works at his office so he sees her there. I believe him when he says they aren't together anymore but he says he still has feelings for her. I guess I'm in plan A; although I don't know how that works when your WH has moved out and wants time alone to clear his head. He's at his Mom's house. He has sent me a couple e-mails, the first to go over some bills and at the bottom he said he missed me. He called today to coordinate picking up the truck. But that's the only contact. I replied to his e-mails but other then that I am giving him his space.

I'm going down to FL next weekend to visit family. I can't wait to get out of here for a few days. It's so hard keeping it together, plus taking care of the house, and our two large dogs who miss their daddy. Plus I really hate living alone. It's so depressing to come home to an empty house. I guess after December (my due date) I won't have that problem anymore, one way or another.

K--
I don't know if I would believe that he is not seeing the other woman. In SAA they state that when a WH moves out to think things throught that means they see the OP.
My H also works with the OW and told me for a month after Dday that they weren't seeing each other when they were. The big signs for me during that time even though I believed him were that he seemed unsure about the M and he didn't love me anymore....
I think it is good to give him time as staying with you only makes it worse. Don't contact him and let him see that you don't need him. I go to all appointments and do everything on my own with the help of friends. It really bothers my H. He is the last to know about the baby.