Hi Eric, glad to see you back! The question you are asking of yourself really touched me. As a FWS, I remember feeling panicked at any hint of my H's withdrawal from me. It took a long time for me to be able to believe that he really wasn't going anywhere, that he really was committed to me after all that had happened.
Trust goes both ways, strangely enough. The FWS has fears too and her comments about you getting even, reflect that fear. Take what she has to say with a grain of salt, sometimes it's pure defence mode speaking.
On the BS side, some NEVER ask themselves about their own motivations and personal and joint recovery is hindered. We can only change ourselves, it's the only part of recovery we have absolute control of. You are examining yourself and this is good but at the same time,don't be too hard on yourself. As Melody said , this is a NORMAL reaction to trauma. Take it easy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
She sounds like she is trying to please you by doing things that she thinks are important to you. They may or may not be but she's trying to show her intentions towards you in a concrete way. It was nice of you to tell her that you loved her before in spite of her not doing these things but she's trying to get through to you in the only way she knows how. She KNOWS words are not enough.
You feel it sounds too good to be true don't you? Has she changed in a month? Change takes time. It's a process for both of you. She (and you) can't expect you to be all happy all of a sudden because she's cooking some dinners and picking up the house. There will be plenty of stormy times ahead as you hash out the issues.
It's crummy that sometimes it takes a major life altering event such as an affair to shake up a marriage to the point where it's REAL, but that's exactly what happened to us. We were in a marital fog, auto pilot.
Directly after DD, H lost 20 lbs (sound familiar?) got very depressed, threw a number of self pity parties, (well deserved!) made some very poor financial decisions which cost us a small fortune adding to our stress ect. but it all was part of the process. We got through it because at the end of the day both of us wanted to work on staying together. Everything we learned on this site gave us hope for a BETTER marriage.
Good news on the GPS. Keep posting Eric, people think about you and your FWS even when we're not here on site!
