hadn't considered learned behavior, that is true, but should be readily corrected when exposed as a bad habit....I am not sure how you seperate an abusive mentality from that kind of learning though, since plenty of people grow up in abusive enviroments and vow to NEVER treat anyone the same.... that raises the whole issue of evolutionary psychology.... for example, some say "criminals" are made....but in fact they are born, it is genetic for the most part...I suspect abuse is similar....but to the extent it is learned, it should be quickly unlearned when this is uncovered and the abuser retrained....and perhaps that category is the one where intervention does have a good outcome... whereas intervention is useless for many other abusers.

I do agree that substance abuse, and organic psychological disorders can present as abuse, but probably should not be described as such because the issue isn't really the abuse, and it will stop when the individual is cured.

I said malicious because I hold all human beings to a rational standard (ie mental competentcy) and expect that any adult can recognize they are hurting someone....if that behavior continues it is malicious in some sense....the abuser may even regret their abuse, or want to stop, but they "profit" from the maliciousness in some way (so find it hard), and need to be held to that standard. Take the standard "namecalling" we all learn as children....we know it's wrong, but it is the place we all go if provoked enough...mostly cause it is an easy weapon, does not involve physical risk (like hitting), that is malicious, cause we do it to "hurt" the recipient, cause we are angry/hurt/manipulative....an occassional event, followed by apology and discussion is not abuse, it is normal human imperfect behavior...but a pattern of namecalling is malicious, and earns one the abuser label....there are many many such people in relationships, and as parents who qualify...IMO this kind of abuse is common, and is abuse because it is malicious, and pattern behavior...and yes, it may represent poor coping skills on the part of the abuser...but it is abuse none the less.

Abuse is a complex issue, and needs a lot of this kind of discussion and conciousness raising....we need more confrontation re abusive behavior, and we need more accountability (and consequences) placed on those who run about claiming and accusing abuse when such is not the case as well. That cannot happen until/unless we are all well grounded in what abuse is....once we have that level of societal awareness, boundary setting becomes much easier, and more common....maybe as this process continues (and it seems to be doing so) our societal psychological well-being will continue to improve...as it must if we are to continue to survive and prosper.