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Hello everyone.
I am a WW and I DO NOT blame my husband whatsoever.
It was and is totally my responsibility and my decision.
Notice I wrote I AM a WW because I still am.
I think I am the only one on this board that is still involved with my OM and that does make me feel sad; yet that is the honest truth and I need to admit it.
When I wrote that title, it just seemed so unreal that I was talking about ME.
Anyone that knows me, would not believe it in a hundred years.
I play the part of a sweet, kind farm wife.
A good mother and grandmother. I am nice to EVERYONE.
Actually I am not playing a part, I am a nice lady, however, I am having an affair and cheating on my dear husband of 35 years!
And that is not very nice!
Many of you know that I met the OM when he was sick and dying. (I too am a nurse; a RN involved with Hospice home health care.)
Through the miracle of a heart/lung transplant, he got better. (He went from 100-170lbs.)
We had a wonderful friendship (he called me his angel when he needed one) and a great love developed between us, that has lasted for these past almost 11 years. (My H does not know.)
In August OM met a lady, an old classmate, and since he could not have me for keeps, (I would never leave my husband) they moved in together.
They are both 61 and I am 53.
I thought it was over between us.
Without his love and friendship, I felt a huge hole in my heart...I cried (secretly) every hour for months. Went from 150 to 130..(5'tall)
Then in April he called me...said he thinks about me all the time and has never stopped loving me. Our romance was rekindled.
So the secret emailing, phone calls and rendevous are happening again.
That is why I cannot give advice here.
I think I am the ONLY ONE that is still involved with OM. (I know some of your mates are still involved but they don't post here.)
I greatly admire you ladies that have broken off with your OM...(Or men that broke it off with your OW.)
I guess I am like the alcoholic that just can't (or won't) stop.
Sincerely, Sarah
<small>[ May 24, 2004, 08:18 AM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>
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Would you like fries with that cheeseburger, Ma'am?
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What are you trying to accomplish here! Are you looking for help to stop your A. or are you looking for sympathy or just want to make yourself feel better by getting it out. In my opinion as a BS no matter what your reasons your H deserves the truth. He deserves for you to be totally honest with him. That is my opinion.
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Sarie,
I can feel the heartache in your words - I'm struggling with ending a long distance EA.
Why are you reluctant to be completely honest with your H?
Please keep posting - don't let anyone's harshness hinder you from doing what is right.
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Thanks aMiss, your note was sweet and thoughtful.
Good luck giving up this long distance EA.
It is very hard to give up someone that makes you feel very very special.
Staggered, you asked what I wanted here.
I think it is this:
Understanding of the HUGE HOLD OP's have on our hearts!
<small>[ May 24, 2004, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>
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sarie you say you are here...HERE..
to...
Understanding of the HUGE HOLD OP's have on our hearts!
lets be logical...
how does a pro-marriage website help you understand that...
and what does that have to do with a pro-marriage website....
do you expect people to say,,,
oh I understand...because it is HARD for you...then you should have other people's blessings to continue your affair...
poor husband..
poor finance..or is she officially a betrayed spouse yet...
amiss...
anyones harshness here doesn't stop sarrie from doing what is right...
human selfishness stops her...
her choices stop her
that is not a judgement..
that is a fact.
ark
ARK
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Nice , kind ,sweet people do not do HURTFULL things to others .
When someone cares for someone they do not pay them back with pain and LIES .
Just because you may admit that this is your doing and excepting responsibity does not make it better .
Your H should be told , he has the right to choose . Your taking away his rights .
Your selfish and cruel .
And the OP does not have hold of your heart YOUR giving it to him to hold .
And he is not a kind person either to be going out of his way now to hurt someone else and he apparently has no value of the second chance he was given in life to be treating other lives with such intentional pain .
Being on the edge of death you would have thought would be an eye opener that life should not be a game.
And mean while you both are playing with other peoples lives like you a GOD .
Aren't you alittle to old to be trying to figure out what you want from life ?
If you are so in love with eachother then you should be together and leave these wonderfull S of your to find real true respectful mates .
JMO
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Sarie,
You're going in circles. Why don't you just bump up the last thread where you posted this same drivel and re-read it? I can't imagine that you're going to get any different responses.
Low
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Ark and 3's. I haven't posted for many months. However, everyday, I come here and read. I guess I am hoping that one day, one message, will penetrate my heart and guide me into stopping contact with OM, confess to my H and do the right thing for the rest of my life. But I am not there yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Love, Sarah
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Sarie, nothing we say is going to make it any easier to do the right thing. You already understand VERY WELL about withdrawl and why the OP has 'such a pull', as you called it. You understand it well enough to relate it to an addiction. So really, what is it that you really want here??
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well sarie...
as long as you keep looking out here for reasons to quit hurting people other than the big one that it feels good for you...then you never will stop....
you already know the right answer...
you choose not do it...
keep on hoping sarie...it is your hope that someone else will fix this for you that keeps you in your affair...
no one else can do it but you...
ARK
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I think she needs a cheeseburger with fries. Can I supersize that for ya, Ma'am? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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I don't know what I want 'hope for the future'.
I think I shouldn't have started this thread.
I am soooo still in the FOG.
I have been told many times how to get out; yet I remain.
It seems by choice! Or else it is stronger than choice, not sure.
Sarah
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We evidently posted at the same time.
Words don't make the difference, Sarie - action does. You can't/won't succeed because you REFUSE to do the actions required to safeguard your marriage.
I bet if you told your H that would change.
You are doing NO ONE, including yourself, any favors by allowing this to go on. The OM lives a partial, lie filled life. And so do you. How sad.
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Hello Sarie,
I just have a quick question. How would you feel if your husband for the past 11 years was doing to you what you have been doing to him? You have a right to happiness but you also have a duty and obligation to your husband to be honest with him.
Shouldn't your husband have a choice based on all of this information to decide how he wishes to live his life knowing he has to share his wife's love and body with another man. Your marriage is not just about you. Be honest with your husband and allow him the decision on what he wishes to do.
It seems to me that you owe the truth to your husband. You say you would never leave him but it is acceptable to love and have sex with another man behind his back. It does not sound like you are doing such a favor for your husband. In addition, you have resumed having sex with the OM so now he is cheating on his new wife also. The bottom line is that you said that your husband does not deserve this so don't you think it is time for him to know the truth. Why is it acceptable for you to continue cheat for eleven years behind your husband's back and continue to cheat on the OM's wife. You choose deceit and lying over truth and honesty toward your husband and your marriage.
I guess it is all about you and not about the pain you inflict on your husband and the OM's wife. I guess it really is just all about you.
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Oh My God... I think I am volunteering for a powerstuggle... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> me in a powerstuggle...(shuddering at the thought) ARK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
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Hello Sarie,
I just have a quick question. How would you feel if your husband for the past 11 years was doing to you what you have been doing to him? You have a right to happiness but you also have a duty and obligation to your husband to be honest with him.
Shouldn't your husband have a choice based on all of this information to decide how he wishes to live his life knowing he has to share his wife's love and body with another man. Your marriage is not just about you. Be honest with your husband and allow him the decision on what he wishes to do.
It seems to me that you owe the truth to your husband. You say you would never leave him but it is acceptable to love and have sex with another man behind his back. It does not sound like you are doing such a favor for your husband. In addition, you have resumed having sex with the OM so now he is cheating on his new wife also. The bottom line is that you said that your husband does not deserve this so don't you think it is time for him to know the truth. Why is it acceptable for you to continue cheat for eleven years behind your husband's back and continue to cheat on the OM's wife. You choose deceit and lying over truth and honesty toward your husband and your marriage.
I guess it is all about you and not about the pain you inflict on your husband and the OM's wife. I guess it really is just all about you.
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You know what you are, MelodyLane?
You are a 'snot'...
You think you your cheeseburger and fries comments are SO CUTE, well, they are not!
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Hi Bryanp.
You are 100% right!
Sarah
<small>[ May 24, 2004, 09:13 AM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sarie: <strong> You know what you are, MelodyLane? You are a 'snot'... You think you your cheeseburger and fries comments are SO CUTE, well, they are not! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, is that very "nice?" Would you like some apple pie with that, Ma'am? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <small>[ May 24, 2004, 09:16 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>
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