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Sarie -
Ug. I am so sorry to see you are still stuck in the same space you have been for so long. If you truly want unstuck, and you don't know how to facilitate it on your own, tell your H about the A. Let him decide. Perhaps his reaction will motivate you to make a decision once and for all.
Because, you know, that just because he doesn't know, doesn't mean you are not being cruel to him. Eventually, you will have to face the music for that.
Do it now. Do it today. Get unstuck. Then Melody cannot ask you about the fries and cheeseburger thing that irritates you so much!
Do something. SOMETHING!
SS
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You KNOW what sarie...
you KNOW what you do...
1. you post the same reterect over and over...people post thread after thread back to you....
2. you read here, on your own admission, day after day.... of other peoples PAIN...PAIN sarie....and still DO nothing to stop the exact same PAIN that you CHOOSE to CREATE each day.
3. you KNOW what you should do...but won't because of every excuse in the world...
4. You play your sympathy and victim card over and over.....waiting just enough time till people forget how good you are at gaining sypmathy...and acting so sincere...
You're MO to each post will be..
you're right
I know
I get it
but you won't change a thing....
because it's hard...and because you choose not to
no one here can change or fix this Sarie....so perhaps you should quit trying to use others to do that.....
It's cruel Sarie...
cruel to your husband
cruel to the OM's OP
and cruel to the people here that are struggling with this issue...and atleast TRYING to change the cycle of chaos...
you don't even try sarie..
I know .....
cause it's hard...
ark...
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Sarie, what is your problem?? You have been on this board before - wasted peoples PRECIOUS time trying to help you - and then you come back and pout because you aren't being taking seriously and no one is laying out the cushy red carpet for you?? GROW UP! MY GOSH WOMAN, you are almost twice my age and I could swear you're a teenager!
If you don't like MelodyLanes comments - ignore her. Didn't they teach you that in kindergarten? (and I'll take one of those Apple Pies, Melody!!)
And as for the rest - hey, when you're ready to set up a plan of action to change your life, be sure and post again. Otherwise - this is just redundant. We can't change your mind and it's not our job to. But you have some SERIOUS issues, maam.
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I've thought this for a long time...Sarie belongs on gloryb.com...not here.
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You are so right, Ark, it is hard. HARD
It seems to be harder than I am capable of doing.
To stop contact and tell H.
I think I am getting closer because I feel such a heavy burden that I have created.
For the next 4 months, because of shift change by my H, it will be IMPOSSIBLE for Om and I to talk or see each other.
I am hoping that I will be able to do the right thing during this time and make the decision to stop this affair for good.
Pray for me.
Love, Sarah
The only good I can see that will come by my posting is that BS's can see how hard it is for us WS's to do the right thing and give up the attention and affection from the OP's!
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Sarie said:
"I play the part of a sweet, kind farm wife.
A good mother and grandmother. I am nice to EVERYONE.
Actually I am not playing a part, I am a nice lady, however, I am having an affair and cheating on my dear husband of 35 years!
And that is not very nice!"
_________________________
You do have an act going on here. And you are not truly nice!
Up to you to quit your bad habits. Lying, cheating, deception; those are all rather on the evil side of the scale.
Sorry, you don't get it yet. Sorrier for your family.
The decision resides in you. Or just keep on living like you are, pretending! It is completely your responsibility. Not anyone of us can cause you to behave better.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The only good I can see that will come by my posting is that BS's can see how hard it is for us WS's to do the right thing and give up the attention and affection from the OP's!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">that does not help anyone...
all you BS's out there... does that help any of you???
it certainly does not help me, a WS that choose to confess and really start doing the hard work. and that is exactly what it is HARD WORK.
come on Sarie, stop using us.
bottomline, nothing will change in your life until YOU do something different and you are NOT willing to do that.
i could care less that no one would believe you, such a wonderfully nice person to everyone in the world, would have an ongoing affair. that has no importance to anything. totatlly irrelavant.
i don't know why i am even bothering spending anytime reading this and posting a response...
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Oh gosh, Sarie must be bored today. Nothing else to do but 'brag' about her A on a marriage building site.
I don't understand why others even post to you.
I don't understand why I'm posting to you...except that this crap makes me so angry...intentionally hurting another person because of the 'hold' of another man.
Get real!
sss
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am hoping that I will be able to do the right thing during this time and make the decision to stop this affair for good </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hoping?? there is no hoping here... last night when i was playing backgammon with my H, I was hoping for double 6's.
stop hoping and just start doing.
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FL, you may not realize it but you have been a guiding light for me.
I followed your story of how difficult it was for you to confess to your husband and then you finally did.
And how hard it has been since and how he hasn't quite forgiven you...(How he refuses to kiss you because.....)
Anyway, don't give up on me, as I hope to do the right thing yet!
Sarah
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<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Melody I think you're cute! ~~~~~ Make mine a ... cheeseburger and a LARGE PEPSI <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ONE!!!!!!!!!! NO fries... but grilled onions on the burger instead.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think WAT wants french-fried cicada <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Pep
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I am a FWS (I really hate to say that <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ). Can I ask you a question, Sarah? Are you a Christian? I remember being so deep in the fog, constantly justifying my A by saying it was ok because H was in an A, too (which he was <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ), and didn't love me anyway. HOWEVER, I dropped the A like a hot potato when I realized that I was one of those who "work iniquity" -- constantly commiting known sin. It's human to sin and make mistakes....but to go back to KNOWN sin with no regard for the penalty is insane. I knew without a doubt that God would NEVER bless any union with OM because it was born out of sin. I also knew that God was going to take His hand of protection off of my life. To put it bluntly, that revelation scared the cr@p out of me. No one told me that...no one threatened me or tried to scare me into repentence. It was right there in the Word, plain as day. It said I was like a dog going back to his own vomit. Not a pretty picture, huh. Be very careful of the decisions you make, Sarah. You own your own decisions. When you stand before God, He won't be interested in hearing your excuses or justifications. Good luck. Lori
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stillsosad.
I hope my message does not come off as 'bragging' because I advise anyone that is slightly interested in another person to run in the other direction!
I am also thinking that the old saying:
"The truth shall set you free" is the only way my H or me or our marriage will ever be totally the REAL THING.
He THINKS he is happy; that WE are happy and have a good marriage!
Sarah
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Sarah, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> FL, you may not realize it but you have been a guiding light for me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">if i am a guiding light then FOLLOW in my footsteps and do it. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I followed your story of how difficult it was for you to confess to your husband and then you finally did. And how hard it has been since and how he hasn't quite forgiven you...(How he refuses to kiss you because.....) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">don't you be using my struggles as a reason to not do anything. they are real and they are difficult. they are not just words on a screen. they are my reality. Yes, my husband is still hurting and due to that he is unable to kiss me. that does NOT mean confessing was a bad idea!!! </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Anyway, don't give up on me, as I hope to do the right thing yet!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">when you CHOOSE to DO the right thing, i will be right here and more then happy to help in any way i can.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> :I think WAT wants french-fried cicada </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LOL
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Hi everyone.
I think it would be best if everyone STOP posting on this thread.
When (not IF) I do the right thing (Stop the affair with OM, end all contact and confess to my H, I will be back and start a new thread.)
So don't waste anymore of your words and time on me.
Please, I mean it, don't write anymore.
Just respond to others' threads that will listen and take your good advice.
I am going outside to work in my gardens.
Love, Sarah
And MelodyLane, I guess I will just have a Wendy's chili and garden salad! (From the 99 cent menu!)
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I said it before, but for those who missed it...SARIE IS NOT REAL....come on, seriously folks, "nice" people don't yank other peoples chains.... Not to mention if you look closely at what she says, it is an obvious fabrication. "reward" the drama junkie if you want, but understand you are just playing a game with "her" or whatever it is.
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sufdb, I have been reading this site for a long time and nice people even have affairs with their best friend's husbands!!!
Nice people sometimes do, not so nice things!
My story is unfortunately 100% true.
Sarah.
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Sarie -
First, become clear on why you won't tell your H. You keep talking about the "hold" this OM has on you. Well, the only one you can control in this world is you, so . . . What holds you back inside of you? Fear?
Finally Learning was so much further along than you, in the fact that she was capable of being honest with herself, and therefore us, as to why she was stuck in indecision and no action. She was afraid her H would never forgive her and would end their M.
I heard a hint of your fear in your post to FL, regarding the kissing comment and her H still having a hard time. Is that what you fear?
Sometimes, our brains confuse our feelings, and try to make every confusing thing in our heads make sense, when they just don't! That is justification. If you want to begin breaking this cycle, you must become honest with yourself. Which means you will have to see how ugly you have become.
You cannot be a nice person and be involved in an affair. I know that is hard, if not impossible for you to see right now. You are so very foggy. BUT, you are here, and that says a lot to me. Until your fog wears off a bit, you are going to continue to aggrevate the posters here.
See your ugliness, Sarah. Your selfishness. Your self-centeredness. Not on these boards, but in your real life. How can you do this to someone you are supposed to love and protect? You are lying and deceiving instead?
We can tell you how horrible your actions are until the cows come home. But until you come on here and say that you are doing xy and z and you have no justification - only deep remorse - can you begin to turn around.
It is a process. Don't give up on yourself. But you cannot go half-a$$ with this. Finally Learning tried that. She tried just ending the A. Not telling H. Didn't work. She now truly has a chance for a happy, healthy, wonderful M.
How you doing, FL? Long time, no talk to girlfriend! Glad everything is going well for you. My H came home. Maybe that is why I am so patient with the foggy. He has told me how his sitch looked on the other side of the fog, and he said for the first couple months, he wasn't even capable of seeing the damage he was causing in the lives of those who loved him. It is a strange, strange thing.
Lots of love and support and HUGS!
SS
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SARIE IS NOT REAL</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><sigh> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Hard to know for sure who's "real" and who isn't. It's incredible to me that people would actually come on a site like this to mess with people's heads just for sport. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Lori <small>[ May 24, 2004, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: at peace ]</small>
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