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So, can I seek professional help and counseling and tell him when I'm mentally ready to?
This is confusing?
Why are you asking if you can seek professional help?
Why not just do it?
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I am going to do it, but i wanted people's opinions if it seems right and okay to, which I think it is. Isn't that what the support rooms are for?
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I told you...
This board won't give you the help you need.
See a professional. Get into drug rehab. Drug rehab not only stops you from using... but will give you new skills for living.
I really don't care if you "tell your secrets" to your BF right now...
You need help, not a message board.
Asking us questions is pointless, and possibly dangerous to you.
God bless.
Pep
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This board is supposed to give you opinions, advice and support. So why wouldn't it help me? It has helped me already.
I know what drug rehab is and does. I have been a recovering addict for over 3 years now. I was clean for 5 months and relapsed and messed up.
I really don't care if you "tell your secrets" to your BF right now... THANKS A LOT - YOU ARE A COLD UNCARING PERSON.
You need help, not a message board.
Asking us questions is pointless, and possibly dangerous to you. HOW SO?
God bless.
Pep [/QB][/QUOTE]
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Please be kind to yourself...
Recovery of your wounded relationship is premature in your case...
I think your other issues (self recovery) are top priority.
Unless you are a healthy individual, your relationships won't be healthy.
Get help.
Call today.
Pep
<small>[ May 27, 2004, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by iwanttobehonest: <strong> YOU KNOW, I'M HURTING VERY BADLY HERE. YOU HAVE NOT MADE ME FEEL ANY BETTER. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sorry you're hurting. If you are looking for unconditional support I don't think this is the place for it. These forums are to help people with the Steve Harvey method of coping with adultery. Until you decide to use his method of healing there is nothing we can do to help you. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by iwanttobehonest: <strong> I WANT TO TELL HIM, AND PROBABLY WILL, EVEN THOUGH ALL MY FRIENDS SAY NOT TO. I JUST WANT TO BE MENTALLY READY TO DO SO, AND I THINK SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP ON MY PSYCHOLOGY ISSUES WILL HELP ME,, AND SEEKING HELP ON ADDICTION, WILL EVENTUALLY MAKE ME A CLEAN PERSON WHO CAN THINK CLEARLY. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think seeking professional help is a good thing. I'm glad to see you are willing to do this. Have you made the call to setup the counseling session? Do you need information on where to look for professional help? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by iwanttobehonest: <strong> ALSO, WHO IS TO SAY THAT BEING HONEST WITH HIM WON'T MAKE THINGS WORSE. SOMETIMES PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE THEIR MISTAKES TO THE GRAVE, AS LONG AS THEY DON'T MAKE THEM AGAIN AND JUST HURT THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF HURTING THE ONE THEY LOVE. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It depends on your definition of worse. If worse equals him leaving you, then you're right, there is no guarantee. On these boards we consider worse to be an unhappy marriage with no positive changes being made in the individual or relationship. Being honest can never make things worse by that definition, as honesty is usually the first step towards a positive change (even if it's just an individual choosing to be honest versus lying). </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by iwanttobehonest: <strong> I'M SO CONFUSED, HURT AND SCARED AND I NEED SUPPORT. NOT LECTURES AND EVERYONE TELLING ME IT IS WRONG NOT TO TELL HIM... ETC. ETC. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Once again, these boards are not here to make people feel better. These boards are here to help people build a healthy marriage and to heal from adulty using the methods devised by Steve Harvey. The Harvey method states that Radical Honesty is the only course of action. Those of us on these boards cannot endorse any other course of action. April
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Do you need information on where to look for professional help? YES BECAUSE I DON'T GET HEALTH INSURANCE FOR ANOTHER 2 MONTHS.
BUT HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I'M LIEING SO WHO IS TO SAY IT'S MOVING TOWARDS A POSITIVE CHANGE. IF I JUST MOVE ON AND EVENTUALLY TRY AND FORGIVE MYSELF THEN MAYBE I WON'T HAVE TO PUT HIM THROUGH THE PAIN, ESPECIALLY CAUSE I KNOW WHAT I HAVE AND DONT' WANT TO LOSE HIM AND HE FEELS THE SAME WITH ME... AND I KNOW I WOULD NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKE AGAIN, AS I'M SO IN LOVE WITH HIM. IT WAS THE DRUGS.
YES I KNOW THAT THESE BOARDS ARE ABOUT HONESTY, BUT I NEED SUPPORT ON HOW TO FOLLOW THIS HONESTY WAY... THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE.
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MAYBE I SHOULD BREAK UP WITH HIM UNTIL MY ISSUES ARE RESOLVED AND THEN JUST BE FRIENDS WITH HIM FOR NOW UNTIL I AM READY TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH AND UNTIL I AM SOBER AND HAVE SEEKED HELP PROFESSIONALLY BY A PSYCHOLOGIST? </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
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Go to an AA meeting today.
It will cost $1 ...
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I'M TALKING PSYCHOLOGY HELP ALSO, NOT JUST AA... I TOLD YOU THAT I KNOW ALL ABOUT A.A.
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So to preserve a temporary solution to his problem and to keep Jennifer from experiencing intense emotional pain, he felt that dishonesty was justified. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A TEMPORARY SOLUTION...AS LONG AS YOU DON'T DO IT AGAIN AND REMAIN FAITHFUL AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN. WHY IS IT THAT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THIS - THAT NOT WANTING TO HURT SOMEONE IS THE REASON OF NOT TELLING THE TRUTH?
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Why not just tell him the truth, break up with him & fix yourself.
If you "just break up with him", he'll want to know why.
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And how about turning off your CAPS LOCK key?
Typing everything LIKE THIS is considered yelling and rude and is difficult to read.
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yelling and rude? i'm not yelling. i used caps so you could see the original quesiton and then my answers.
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yelling and rude? i'm not yelling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> When typing in forums and messages, if one wants to yell/be rude, they type in ALL CAPS.. If one does not want to yell/be rude, then one does NOT type in all caps.
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Okay sorry I did not know.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by iwanttobehonest:
<strong> WHY IS IT THAT NOBODY UNDERSTANDS THIS - THAT NOT WANTING TO HURT SOMEONE IS THE REASON OF NOT TELLING THE TRUTH? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Its not that we don't understand it, its that we know this is BULLSH**. You have ALREADY hurt him, but he just just doesn't know yet because you are LYING to him. You have added lying to the original insult of adultery.
We know that you really don't want to tell him because you don't want to hurt *YOU*. Because if you really didn't want to hurt him, you wouldn't have had the affair in the first place. You would have told him the truth afterwards so he could protect himself from you.
It is not in HIS best interest to not know that you are destroying him behind his back so you can't say you are doing it because you dont want to hurt him.
If your bookkeeper embezzles money from you, who hurts you, the bookkeeper or the policeman who informs you? Should we not tell you that your bookkeeper is robbing you because it might "hurt you?"
Now doesn't that sound ridiculous? Of course it does because the person who hurts you is the embezzler, NOT the person who tells you the truth! How can you protect yourself from your bookkeeper if you don't know she is robbing you?
It is the same with your BF. He doesn't know how untrustworthy and manipulative you really are. He doesn't know that he needs to PROTECT himself from your betrayal. He doesn't know that he is exposed to STDs.
The fact is that your BF might rightly decide that he doesn't want to continue in a relationship with you and you are denying him that choice.
He has a RIGHT to choose whom he marries and you are lying to him. You are tricking him into marrying you.
<small>[ May 27, 2004, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>
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