I was glad to see you back on MB but sad to see that things are still in limbo for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . Please don't give up. Hang around and read if nothing else. I did want to give my opinion for what it's worth. If you so find the courage to tell your H I believe it would be start your recovery. It's so important to be accountable for what you're are doing. Sarah, not only are you hurting your H, the OM but you are hurting yourself by allowing this relationship to continue. OM needs to move on and find someone who isn't married and you are preventing that from happening. It's so hard to see things clearly while you're still involved. I know that this thing is eating you up inside because I know that mine did and it only lasted a year. I pray that you will find the courage to make a plan that will get your life on track. I want you to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and not feel bad about what you are doing and the double life that you have been living for so long!!

Lisa, thanks for starting this post. I have had Sarah on my mind a lot too. you said it all perfectly in your post.

Sarah, i wanted you to know i ditto Lisa's thoughts and i am keeping you in my prayers.

i didn't show you much empathy the other day, you would think i would have much empathy because "been there, done that". but the point is, you HAVE to move forward Sarah, please, for your own sake, before you get to the end of your life. come clean. it will be painful but in the end you will have peace in your heart.

I was a little surpised that Archuletan locked the previous thread. It was getting a little shaggy, to be sure, but some important information had come out - namely, Sarie admitted that she lied 2 US about having told her H in the previous thread on the subject. So, apparently her H knows nothing still. That explains a lot.

So, it remains 2 be seen whether Sarie is in fact desirous of ending her A or she's just toying with us. If you're out there and reading, Sarie, I was going 2 suggest on your other thread that you go 2 www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com, click on the discussion forum and scroll down to "Reclamation" and sign in. It's a private forum for people in As that want 2 end them but can't on their own.

I hope it helps better than us hurting BSs and WSs can,
-ol' 2long

FL...It's nice to see you here. I know that Sarie is very confused but my God, those people ripped her to shreds on the other thread <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> From my own experience, you never know what a person's frame of mind is when they come on here to post. You never know when they have reached their limit and are barely holding on. I never want to think that I might be the one that says that last harsh thing to them. This forum can be a powerful tool for good or bad. This is a real life person out there who is hurting. She doesn't need to be patted on the back and told that what she's doing is right but she certainly doesn't need to be crucified.

I didn't think that your posts was harsh, just direct but some of them were down right hateful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> !

Lisa:

Precisely why I recommended she go 2 Penny's "reclamation" forum.

Sarie did come her of her own volition, however, and she was pretty cruel 2 us here by lying 2 us all that time in her previous posts in March and April.

-ol' 2long

2long...I totally agree with you that she was wrong in lying about having confessed to H. I hope that she will get the help she needs from somewhere. She has let 11 years of her life go by that she will never be able to call back. Her life has been an absolute lie for all these years. My regrets are many but I can't even imagine living like she is.

i thought she came clean right away about that deciption, where she told us she confessed to H...

maybe i am wrong, i would have to look at her past posts to be sure but i'm not inclined to spend the time/effort to do that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

as far as those posters who were "cruel". that is the nature of this board. i had a few harsh responses that were not at all helpful to me and at times almost drove me away, but my desire to stay was stronger so i learned to focus on those messages that were helpful and let the other ones go. i don't mind intesnse posts aimed at forcing you to think, but some posts can come off as just mean spirited. i have heard from others that it was in fact the harsher posts that helped them the most, so who knows. each of us has to figure it all out for ourselves in the end.

I refuse to tow the line that being truthful makes you hateful....

sarie is NOT confused in the sense that she does not KNOW what needs to be done...
people will post excellent advice...and she will agree and do nothing with it....

she may be afraid....but that's not the same as being confused or not grasping the situation...

she brings pain to this board....with no real intent of changing a thing.....
her verbage and declaration of true love for her om is great...and interesting....
but it doesn't belong here...
I think she should end the creulness
set her poor husband free and quit deciding for him that he is happy even in the throes of her affair....

it comes down to personal character...
either you believe that other people in your life are there to be respected or you believe that they are there for your own gains, pleasure, and wants...

people can tell her to end it with the OM
people can tell her to tell her husband..
and she'll agree with you up and down the river...
but she is not a victim to her decision..
her indecision IS her choice...

and people who post the truth to her, her actions and her choices.....
and the pain she brings to this board...

are not by any means..
snotty or hateful...


ark

FL....your point is well made. I guess I always preferred my 2 x 4's straight up and hold the nails please!!

ark..I agree with you up to a point but some of the comments made there were unnecessary. I guess
maybe I can relate too well to some of what she's going through and I know that some of the advice I got here was hard to hear but helpful. Other comments that I got were just downright hateful and served no purpose. I will say without hesitation that Just Learning's posts have been without a doubt the most helpful for me from the viewpoint of objectivity. He is firm but never cruel. I think that's called tough love. Constructive criticism meant to correct but to not kill the spirit of the person.

Scott Peterson told a morning news show (months before his arrest) that he had revealed his affair with Amber Frye to Laci... that Laci "Was OK with it"... and they agreed to work things out.

When Sarie told MB she had revealed her A to her H ... she also said "He's OK with it and doesn't ever want to know any of the details."

I knew it was a phony confession... but I also realized that what Sarie was seeking from all of is is our approval... NOT our help ... our approval. And she would lie to us to gain our approval.

She has limitations as far as being here. And I see no movement or difference in her from her arrival. She is not here to employ MB principles... not yet.

Pep

I believe what Pep and Ark have explained is accurate. The proof is in the pudding folks. If Sarie came back and actually read something here and made sense of it, by following through on H/O, then there would be some credence to that story.

Otherwise it is just spinning your wheels. Which is useless you know.

Thank you Lisa, for starting this thread for me.
I have been gone all day helping my Mom.

And thanks to all that replied.

I was ok with the 'arh' moderater for stopping the thread as it was going nowhere.

I did lie about telling my husband about the affair. (Confessed here later though, and I wouldn't have had to.)
I made up a story.
I wanted everyone here to think I took their good advice and told my H and that he forgave me.

Instead, just yesterday, I met OM at the river and we had a nice visit together, made a wonderful memory.

So see I am still involved with him.I don't belong on this site yet I am learning and SOMEDAY I AM GOING TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND STOP THIS AFFAIR!

But for now, I just CAN'T (WON'T) let him go (or him me), even though we are suppose to be committed to others.

That is why it is best if I do not write here on this MB anymore until I have the courage and the morals to end this affair and at this time, I don't want to.
I cannot imagine my life without OM in it and to think of no contact is beyond my comprehention.
Plus I can't imagine my life without my H in it.
I think I am pretty messed up in my mind with my thinking!

So I can see why you would all HATE me for being so weak and for continuing seeing OM, if only occassionally.

I know, I know, What a fool I am.
I have three wonderful daughters, 8 grandchildren, a husband that adores me (because he doesn't know) yet I am leading this secret life.
It is almost unbelievable to even me.
I was a pristine lady before meeting OM.
A virgin when I married; a good girl always until him!

I think of it like this.
When I am with OM I am myself only.
I am not a wife, a mother, a daughter but just me. The person before I was married.

So I selfishly continue and put the affair in a secret compartment in my mind.
And days turn into weeks, then months, now many many years!

Sincerely, Sarah

<small>[ May 26, 2004, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

Sarie:

"And thanks to all that replied."

Please don't thank me. Apologize. It'll mean something, at least.

"I did lie about telling my husband about the affair. (Confessed here later though, and I wouldn't have had to.)"

And this helps you how?

"I made up a story."

And this helps you how?

"I wanted everyone here to think I took their good advice and told my H and that he forgave me."

And this helps you, us, and your H how?

"Instead, just yesterday, I met OM at the river and we had a nice visit together, made a wonderful memory."

I hope you got leeches. ...sorry about that, I don't. But this helps you how?

"So see I am still involved with him.I don't belong on this site yet I am learning and SOMEDAY I AM GOING TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND STOP THIS AFFAIR!"

No, you don't belong on this site. I will report your post 2 the moderators when I've finished my reply.

"I just CAN'T (WON'T) let him go or him me, even though we are suppose to be committed to others."

Then leave your H, abandon your kids and grandkids, destroy their trust in you, toss his new SO out on the street, and be with him!

"I cannot imagine my life without OM in it and to think of no contact is beyond my comprehetion.
Plus I can't imagine my life without my H in it.
I think I am pretty messed up in my mind with my thinking!"

Yes you are. You must choose. You don't get 2 keep up what you're doing.

"So I can see why you would all HATE me for being so weak and for continuing seeing OM, if only occassionally."

We don't hate you. We hate despicable behavior.

"I know, I know, What a fool I am."

And this admission helps you how?

"I have three wonderful daughters, 8 grandchildren, a husband that adores me (because he doesn't know) yet I am leading this secret life.
It is almost unbelievable to even me."

And they have a liar, cheat, and theif for a mother/grandmother. And this helps you how?

"I think of it like this.
When I am with OM I am myself only.
I am not a wife, a mother, a daughter but just me. The person before I was married."

Your fantasy construct is intricate, indeed. And this helps you how?

"I was a pristine lady before meeting OM.
A virgin when I married; a good girl always until him!"

And this...?

-2long

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is why it is best if I do not write here on this MB anymore until I have the courage and the morals to end this affair and at this time, I don't want to.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen! I agree!

Tootles!

WOW. I don't even know what to say. I thought I was gone...I don't know sarie...why don't you leave your H? I don't understand why...I know from experience, it's hard to go on with the A for years. I couldn't imagine my life without OM either. BUT, you can, and have to..unless you leave your H! Maybe you are supposed to be together, who knows. But this life you have has to suck. I hope you figure it out...

So I can see why you would all HATE me for being so weak and for continuing seeing OM, if only occassionally.

sarie....no one here cares what you and OM do..
not one iota...
you will do what you do....

no one here cares if you are weak...it is your choice....

we may feel great empathy for your husband the OM live-in-girlfriend, you and the OM...

and no one here certainly hates you...it's an internet message board for heavens sake... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

but what is not likable is your continual insistance on bringing your affair here and flaunting it in the face of people's pain...

that's cruel...and you rarely miss your chance to do it.....no matter how many times pointed out to you...you oh so innocently slip it back it...

so I can only assume that cruelness becomes you...as no matter the words you speak of perhaps wanting to end it some day and do the right thing.....

your actions of posting such schlock as ...

I met OM at the river and we had a nice visit together, made a wonderful memory.

are what shows your true colors...

you play on some peoples fears and pain here...like a toy for you to take out every couple months and dabble with.......

no one cares what you and OM do or don't do...
there are other sites that would welcome your fantasy affair with open arms....

I fail to see any logic in you posting here...
except to meet your only clearly defined goals

rub your soul mate affair <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> in peoples faces..
and get sympathy from as many at the same time as well...

ARK

From Ark "I fail to see any logic in you posting here..."
Ark, I was responding to Lisa's thread.
I did not think it right to ignore it.
If you think I shouldn't post anymore, I will abide by your request!

I am not flaunting my affair; just telling what is happening in my life.

This is the side of an affair that is not seen on the MB; it is what is happening with BS mates and the OP.

I think by your responces, Ark, it is one of the reasons I would not be able to tell my H.
If you, a stranger, cannot deal with my feelings without critismn of what I am writing, how could I possibly possibly expect my H to understand?
Love, Sarah

<small>[ May 26, 2004, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

I just went back and read Susan's and 2longs messages.

I think it is best if I stop posting.

And MB people, please pray for me.
Please. That I will do the right thing before it is too late.
Sarah

If you, a stranger, cannot deal with my feelings without critismn of what I am writing, how could I possibly possibly expect my H to understand?

Yes Sarie...now you're getting it..

It is ALL about you.....

ark