I AM PUTTING HIM FIRST THOUGH, I DON'T WANT TO HURT HIM. YES I'M BEING SELFISH
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> If you are being selfish, you are NOT putting him first. Selfishness is defined as putting you first.

I HAVE GOTTEN HELP OVER AND OVER AND HE'S JUST NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THAT I WILL SEEK HELP I GUESS ?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> He won’t believe you for the simple fact that you “have gotten help over and over” and it has not done anything for you.

Do you believe you have any control over your behaviour? YES SOMEWHAT
Somewhat? So some actions you take are not because you make the decision to do it?
You have NO control over some things at all?

Do you believe you deserve unconditional forgiveness? YES
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So you think he should forgive over & over & over, no matter what you do or how many times you do it? That is unconditional love.

If the forgiving person is willing to communicate as much as you like but is not willing to continue the old relationship, do you still feel he's being forgiving? NOT SURE. NOT REALLY BECAUSE LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL AND WE'RE ALL HUMAN AND WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.
You have a LOT to learn.
Love is NOT unconditional.
And yes we all make mistakes. Your mistake is not getting the help you need and trying to blame it on others.