i'm starting a new thread for myself to talk about just the everyday kind of stuff because i want my other thread to specifically address my sessions w/SH and if anyone wants to discuss those or their own experiences w/counseling. my intent is to be able to refer people to the session thread to remind myself of what me and SH talked about but to also help others so that maybe they can get an idea of what to expect if they were to go into counseling w/MB.

so here i am lostnhurt, you found me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
prayers to all.

just wanted to share some websites/programs that have been a tremendous help to me since Dday. in fact, i'm pretty addicted to them to the point where i "need" it everyday. of course my mom has tried to get me to listen to these programs for years but you know how that goes. These are Christian programs and most of them enable you to listen via the internet. please visit them when and if you can, it will change your life forever, prayers to all.

bottradionetwork.com
lwf.org
equip.org
familylife.com
family.org
gty.org
intouch.org
insight.org
lote.org
flc.org/parenttalk
ligonier.org
turningpointonline.org
winningwalk.org

RR, it is a great thread. You provide good information.

I just checked that animal adoption network. I will try to contact them to see whehter I can bring kids with me.

Dear RoughRoad (Apt nickname for a BS!),
Thank you for the information. Yes, I am familiar with several of these organizations, and have been listening, but some of these are new to me. Thank you. I am feeling much better today. I went back on my med's! Goodness, gracious, I am a 53 year old druggie!

You are a calm voice in the midst of my storm. God bless you.

ME1

lost, you never know what God has in store for you and your family. maybe y'all will become great ministers in the care of animals! you know i'm w/you in spirit and maybe someday your daughter can meet my doggies but i have to get them back first.

ME1, like my post says, i am just trying to do what i can. i have just truly been so touched by everybody and everything in my life since Dday and i just can't even explain it. i have beat myself quite a bit over the years for not being the testimony i should have been but now i just have to tell myself that all this has happened for a reason and maybe i am going to be an even better testimony now because of what i have experienced. like i've said before i can't even explain what these programs have done for me the last few months. not all of them are about M, some are on finances and politics but it's still about doing God's will and learning how to be better Christians.

like i was telling lostnhurt, even though the programs may not seem applicable to her situation. she can use what she learns to help her kids and help others in just the slightest ways and when you've gone through what we've all gone through things take on a new perspective. i wrecked my truck on tuesday the first thing when i came to work. well i didn't wreck it but i dented it in and scratched it up because i hit a pole in the parking lot (or as others have said to me, the pole jumped out and hit me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) anyway, 6 months ago i would have really been upset and angry but now it hardly took up any of my day on tuesday. i can still drive it, thank the Lord it wasn't on the same side the gas tank was on and no one was hurt. just kind of funny that it will be paid off in november. i can't afford to have it fixed right now even w/the dedicutible but you know what God blessed me in the fact that i didn't get upset (well too upset).

so don't discount any of the programs you here as what they can helpl you w/in your life. i'm very blessed to be able to listen to the bott radio network which has all these programs on it 24/7. you know it makes me smile to say that because even though i am all "alone". i have no family in the area (i moved here last october), and only one good friend (who will be moving this summer by the way) i can listen to this radio station!!!! and i can tell others about it and maybe some day it will be available to everybody, w/our support and God's help it will be.

well i gotta go, and i'm glad i was able to be of any help. i just want to do what's right in all areas of my life and not let satan use my weaknesses for his evil purpose. i just have to keep telling him "get behind me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> i don't want you to have anything to do w/me." of course i'm sure he doesn't like that but as far as i know he can't read our minds like God can. prayers to you, RR

RR, how amazing! When I drove to work this afternoon, I press seek in my radio, just two sations, I found Bott Radio. I don't know why I couldn't find it in internet. But anyway, I listened to the topic of Family and Finance. It is a good one.

roughroad,

I too am in bott radio network country. I'm in Denver this week. (No bott radio network here) and drove out last Sunday from St. Louis. I printed their list of stations from the website, and was able to listen about half of the 13 hours I drove.

If you too are in the St. Louis area, I'm volunteering my help for the BS, such as being an intermediary, help with household repairs, etc.

I too am a BS, and am willing to help others as I can.

FWIW,

Tony

RR,

I copied all your internet sites to an email and mailed it to myself at home. I've already checked out a few here at work, but don't like doing too much surfing during my work time.

Thanks for posting them!

LL

lost, hallelujah, i am just dancing inside that you can listen to the bott radio network. it will truly be such a blessing to listen to it when you can. again, even if you don't feel like it might not "apply" to your situation there are still so many things on there that can help us as Christians. hope you had a good night last night and today is good as well.

JVS, thanks so much for the offer for stuff in the st. louis area. i work in st. louis but actually live in IL. i may just take you up on the offer when i move into a place of my own. i'm living w/a friend right now and just have a few things at her place. i have a truck and can get everything in there but can't do it myself. so i wrote down your member # and name for future reference <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> BTW, this is probably a silly question but what does "FWIW" stand for?

LL, i know what you mean about surfing at work. here i am on the forums at work. but i don't have computer access outside work right now so i'm kind of constrained but because i have the bott radio station i'm able to listen to it on the radio in my office. i couldn't even listen to it on the internet if i wanted to, i don't have speakers on my computer. i could always records some programs from the radio and send it to you if want. all i have to do is put a tape my radio and press record. just let me know and we can email each other off the forums.

hope everyone is having a good day and will have a good and safe weekend. prayers to all and spread the word about the bott radio network! and all the webistes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RR I figured I'd give you my update on your thread. Well haven't heard a peep from my W so that's par for the course lately. I'm fine still smoking though, when I find my happy place again I will quit at that time. I'm glad my parent's are coming this weekend to visit so I don't have to spend this long weekend alone which is nice.

I think your doing a great job of chipping away a little at a time. I bet you didn't even know that you had all that strength in you did ya? You calmness and level headedness is amazing you are one strong lady who realizes what was lacking on your side of the M and you are making the decisions to correct them.

I couldn't get on very much yesterday due to ton's of work that I'm doing and it will be the same today. I hope you have a good weekend and my prayer's are with you.

I would like some couneling, but I ahve no insurance, so it has to be inexpensive. Where can I go? Reply to my post in general discussions instead of here please. thanks!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by roughroad:
<strong>

JVS, thanks so much for the offer for stuff in the st. louis area. i work in st. louis but actually live in IL. i may just take you up on the offer when i move into a place of my own. i'm living w/a friend right now and just have a few things at her place. i have a truck and can get everything in there but can't do it myself. so i wrote down your member # and name for future reference <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> BTW, this is probably a silly question but what does "FWIW" stand for?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">roughroad,

I'm on the "East Side" as well. My WW lives in O'Fallon in those new apartments near the new Target Greatland.

FWIW is For What It's Worth.

I'll include an e-mail addy tonyb1965@charter.net It's still pretty anonymous <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Tony

<small>[ May 28, 2004, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: javaSansContour ]</small>

RR, I wanted to post to you earlier, but was logged out. When I got back in, I forgot I was supposed to do. You can see how absent minded I am now.

I hope you have a good day today and w good weekend. Do you have memorial day off. I don't have to teach tomorrow. I already have plans for the kids. Sunday after church, we will go to a mall for some activities. monday, the boy scout will join a parade. We will have fun no matter Wh wants to join or not.

lost, i do have monday off and think i will have a pretty busy weekend, have several activities planned. i'm going to get a haircut (just a trim), exercise sat and sun, go to church on sunday, go to a movie probably on monday, and go to the mall to get a new pair of shoes and a couple of clothing items.it has just got to the point w/my weightloss that i need to get a couple of necceary clothing items. i just can't wear some of the things i have anymore. i don't want to buy any because i'm not done w/the weight loss <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> but i can't go any longer w/what i have and the rest of my clothes are in FL.

JVS, wow, we live really close together. i will email you at the address you gave.

everyone have a good weekend and lost you're getting the right attitude, just stick w/it. prayers to all.

RR, good morning. How was your holiday weekend? Hope you have a good day today. Prayers for you.

hello lost, i'll give you an update on my weekend. i slept in and worked out and then came to work to pick up a few things. i did go to the mall on saturday and tried on a few things but just decided not to get anything because if i'm going to lose more weight i don't want to waste my money on clothes that fit me now. so i did walk away empty handed from the mall but i kind of felt good that i could walk away empty handed because the old roughroad would have bought something. so i just went home and painted my fingernails and toenails, something i haven't done in quite some time.

sunday, i called my H at 8am on his cell phone and left a message to call me, i tried the home phone and was going to leave a message there but the answering machine never came on and no one answered. so i called his cellphone again at 9am and said that i had tried to call the house and for him to call me sometime this week. went to church on sunday morning and sunday night. i was calling my H like SH told me to in response to the letters we had both sent each other. my H called me sunday afternoon and asked me what was going on. so this is kind of how the conversation went:

me-well i thought we should talk, did you get my letter?

WH-yes, i don't know what to think or what to say anymore, i just don't know what to say.

me-i'm not sure what to say either but what do you think about what my letter said?

wh-well i don't know what to say that it looks like we believe a certain way.

me-well, if things can change then things can change again.

wh-i'm glad about the changes you've made but i think they were more changes you needed to do for yourself and not for me.

me-i'm not asking for a committment just an understanding that things can be different, that we have the ability to change the future.

wh-we could have changed things in the past but we are past that point now.

me-my counselor talked to me about the ideal scenario and that it is for us to be in love w/our spouses.

wh-yeah i talked to him for an hour the other day and he told me about that too.

me-that's probably why i'm struggling, is because we haven't tried together. i know that you said that you gave me years and chances to change. i'm truly sorry for that. i know you were hurt and are hurting but that person who believed that way doesn't exist anymore. again, i'm not asking for a commitment.

wh-well i have to go, i'm at work and i've been out here for 10 minutes, we're not even supposed to have cell-phones and i'm going to get fired.

me-okay

wh-i'll call you later this week and we can talk more.

me-okay, talk to you later.

(i took down some notes from the conversation in order to be able to post it here and tell SH).

we had a fellowship after the service sunday night and i was looking forward to it so that i could meet more people but i was actually very disappointed. hardly anyone came to the activity. i basically just talked to a few people who i had gotten to know already. not that there was anything wrong w/that but i was just trying to meet other people (something i had a hard time doing in the past) and then there was hardly anyone there. anyway.....

monday, i walked to the video store to return a movie and then i did a few things around the house and then i took a bag of old cereal and went and fed some ducks and geese that live at a apartment complex near by. there's a cemetary right next to the apartments as well and both the cemetary and the apartments have huge ponds, so of course there's lots of ducks and geese and lots of people to feed them. there was one mamma duck that must have had 20 baby ducks! there were so cute. i was sitting on the edge of the pond and it was so nice outside, sunny w/a breeze, that i decided to go back to where i live and lay out to get some sun. so i laid out for a little over an hour and i did get some sun (and i didn't have to pay for it). i went to walmart and got a few things. then took a shower and went over to a friend house for dinner at 530 pm. it started to get real stormy when i left at 9pm.

so that's how my weekend went. as far as the conversation w/my H, well, it seemed like i was annoying him, he seemed really detached, and kind of ticked me off when he talked about my changes, like i was the only one who needed to change. i agree i did need to change, i was 50% responsible for the state of our M and the resulting A. not sure what i'm going to say if and when he calls this week. i guess only time will tell. maybe some of the OT's will give me some advice (hint, hint).

anyway, i have got to go, i have a meeting soon, hope you have a good day and talk to you later, God Bless, RR

RR,
Just some encouragement, thanks for your example and resolve. God wants us to be salt and light and to fulfill His purpose for our lives. He puts people and circumstances in out paths so that our response to His overture will glorify Him. He knows our hearts and always wants what's best for us. His desire is for us to depend totally on Him and for us to seek Him. It is in the dark valleys that we see Him more clearly. It is there that He reveals Himself to us. Please keep your resolve strong by continually depending on Him and His grace. It is in our weakness that we become strong through His grace.

Christ's Love,
Roman121

RR, you did have a good weekend. You did excellent talking to your H. I felt like talking to my WH too, so detached, so cold. The same way telling me that I am the one who needs the change. He even blamed me for the SF, I am the only one to blame. But we don't know what GOD's plan is like, we will just have to let GOD lead us to when he wants us to.

Prayers for you.

Roman, it's kind of hard to believe how things you've probably heard all your life are just now starting to take a meaning or you are just "hearing" for the first time. what you said about being the salt and light is what i'm referring to. i've been in church all my life and i've been a believer for 21 years. of course i've strayed and have come back to the Lord at times but God has brought me back on my knees for good this time, even though i was the faithful one.

now i hear the salt and light analogy all the time. for instance, at church and on the bott radio network. so of course it takes on a whole new meaning to me now. i honestly don't remember hearing the analogy before Dday. thanks again for your words of encouragment and i'm still amazed people consider me to be an example and a resolve. sometimes i really wish i could bring my mom hear to read just so she could know what people are saying about me and/or asking me. i was very fortunate, well Blessed is probably the best word, that i had a good foundation in which i could knock down my shabby "house (life)" and start over. i can't imagine what people do when they don't have those foundations. i hear it over and over again here how these situations have brought people closer to God, etc. maybe that's what we should rename the forums, something along the lines of "this is God's will, or God's plan for us." i don't know i'm just throwing stuff out there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> but i think you get my general idea. it just occured to me yesterday to write a letter to my childhood pastor and thanking him for the part he played in giving me the foundation i needed in life. i'm still in touch w/his family, his daughter and i were best friends and still keep in touch via email.

lost, i hope you are doing your homework and are listening to the bott radio network. i think on the focus on the family webiste by Dr. dobson, there is a section where you can go to help find a counselor in your area. maybe this is what you need to do. just an idea. anyway, continue in your attitude of prayer and he will take care of you. I gotta go for the day but will "see" you tomorrow.

prayers to all, God Bless, RR

going to start an additional thread today, probably will only get a few replies but i want to have it separate from here. as always, prayers to all.