As a lot of you know already, I cheated on my boyfriend of one year with another man. This other man did drugs with me and I ended up fooling around with him, but did not have intercourse. I finally was able to get up the courage after a week this happened, to tell my boyfriend. I told him that I have partied with this man on and off before I became committed to my current boyfriend. He was very heart broken and we are now just friends, but we both cannot help giving each other love and affection to one another. We are both in love, but he is not sure he wants to be with me. Should I continue to have sex with my boyfriend and share affection, or should we just stay friends until he is ready, if and when he is ready, to get back with me? It's not like if we are both affectionate, that it's going to hurt me any more than it already does, to know he may not ever be with me or marry me. It just makes us want to be together and I feel that maybe this is going to make our relationship much stronger. When will the hurt/pain stop? I'm hurting just as much for doing this to him? When will he forgive me and will he ever look at me the same way. Why is he so affectionate and kind to me after I did this to him? I ask him all this, and he says cause we're best friends. How can he see me as a best friend when I betrayed him? He knows I have a problem with this drug, and have been trying to get clean for over 2 years now. I was clean for 5 months, and then relapsed and that's when I cheated. I told him I would have never cheated on him if it wasn't for me being high and not myself and not liking myself at the time. All of his girlfriends have cheated on him in the past. He left his wife of 13 years because of an affair she had (even though she didn't have anything physical with the guy) and left his 3 kids...even though he sees his children quite often. So many questions and I need so many answers that I don't think my boyfriend knows how to answer either. Please help.

Here's where I'm gonna be harsh. I mean well with this post, but, I promise you won't like it. Just read, and absorb. If anything makes you angry... read it again, and absorb that even more. Get ready... I'm not going to hold back.


Drugs are stupid. For the last damn time. It should be an easy thing for a smart person to figure out... if something like this happened... STOP USING DRUGS!! End of issue. They're illegal, anyways... so, you should not be partaking in the first place.
Yes... I am a hipocrite for saying this... I've done a little weed, and some other stuff, in my time. But, that just lends me to an even more valid opinion on the matter. I know what getting high, or stoned feels like. It's nice... but, it is NOT worth my job, my marriage, my health, my freedom, or my future. Now, I race, instead. Still stupid... but not as stupid as drugs.

Unless you're just using the drugs as an excuse to behave any way you damn well please, and get away with it. In which case... you need therapy, something fierce.

If I was your boyfriend... I'd have snapped you off quicker than anything... and, probably beat the tar out of that a**hole that messed with you. I never tolerated anything like that from girlfriends.
Marriage is different. I believe in death before divorce (for myself... not for her). I'd rather die than break my marriage vows, or become another statistic on divorce.com.
So... when the time came to "just deal with it"... I did. I don't like the fact that it happened... but, I'm not going to let it kill my marriage.

Lecture over. In closing... stop using drugs, stop cheating on your boyfriends, stop being stupid, and stop acting like a dumb high-school punk.
God... I sound just like my father-in-law. Maybe that's a good thing...

All of us here really want to offer you some advice that will help you. I know I do.

But nothing we say is going to help until you decide to take control of your life, including getting some professional help. You have needs that we simply cannot address.

The title of this post speaks volumes about the help you need: "Mind altering drug made me cheat."

Of course it didn't.

No more than owning a car is going to make me speed.

Until you get this piece sorted out, we cannot help you.

Please seek professional help.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Should I continue to have sex with my boyfriend and share affection, or should we just stay friends until he is ready, if and when he is ready, to get back with me? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask yourself: What would be the result of your filling your boyfriend's EN of sexual fulfillment? How would it affect you, and him (as individuals and as a couple) - if you got back together, and if you didn't?

What would be the result of you not filling that need? How would it affect each of you and you as a couple, if you got back together, and if you didn't?

Personally I say yes, have sex. He's feeling hurt and rejected and if you withold sex from him that will just be more hurt and rejection. The only down side I see is that by having sex you might be misleading yourself into thinking things are better between the two of you than they really are, and if he ends up bailing on the relationship you might feel betrayed.

MIND ALTERING DRUG MADE ME CHEAT
No, you made the decision to cheat AND you made the decision to use mind-altering drugs. Now you are trying to "blame" your actions on anything/everything except the responbible person. You.
Grow up. Take responsibiltiy for your actions.
Until you realize that the decision to do drugs is yours & yours alone, no one will be able to help you.

I finally was able to get up the courage after a week this happened, to tell my boyfriend. I told him that I have partied with this man on and off before I became committed to my current boyfriend.
Not “really’ committed, though, right?

I feel that maybe this is going to make our relationship much stronger.
Are you on crack now or what?
Maybe when your relationship goes south again later, you can cheat some more to "make it stronger"?

I'm hurting just as much for doing this to him?
Sorry to burts your bubble, but the pain you feel is nothing compared to his pain. Not even close.

When will he forgive me
MAYBE when you do something to actually earn forgiveness?
Attend drug rehab for minimum of one year and stay clean and sober and show that you actually want to do it for YOU and no one else.

If you want to save your life (and any future relationships), you MUST get into drug rehab NOW!
And keep in mind, it's not gonna be a few weeks. This is something you will HAVE to do for life.
You have serious problems and need serious help. Getting off drugs is something you have to do ONLY for you. You will not do it for anyone else.
Sadly most people only learn this the hard way only after they lose everything (literally) that they have. Family, friends, money, possesions, everything.

<small>[ June 01, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Drugs are stupid. NO DUH!

STOP USING DRUGS!! It's easy for you to just say stop using drugs...

but, it is NOT worth my job, my marriage, my health, my freedom, or my future. NO DUH!

Unless you're just using the drugs as an excuse to behave any way you damn well please, and get away with it. In which case... you need therapy, something fierce. NO, I USED THE DRUGS, WITH THE INTENTIONS OF JUST PARTYING WITH THIS GUY, AND WHEN I WAS HIGH, I GAVE IN.


Marriage is different. YOU ARE SO WRONG... MARRIAGE OR NOT, IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE WITH ALL YOUR HEART, YOU STILL CAN WORK ON PROBLEMS AND WANT TO WORK EVERYTHING OUT, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS AND COMMITMENT IS.. A STUPID PIECE OF PAPER AND VOWS IS NOTHING...IT'S ALL JUST WORDS IN VOWS AND THEY ALL CAN BE BROKEN CAUSE WE ARE ALL HUMAN AND WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES... LOVE IS LOVE, AND IF YOU WANT TO BE WITH THAT PESON, YOU WILL DO EVETYHTING YOU CAN TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK AND FIX WHATEVER PROBLEMS THERE ARE.. MARRIAGE OR NOT!!!

I believe in death before divorce (for myself... not for her). I'd rather die than break my marriage vows, or become another statistic on divorce.com. OH, SO IF YOUR WIFE CHEATED ON YOU ONCE EVERY SINGLE MONTH FOR A YEAR, OR YEARS, YOU WOULD STILL STAY WITH HER? THAT'S STUPID!

Lecture over. I DIDN'T ASK FOR A STUPID LECTURE AND YOU ARE A JERK! I SIMPLY ASKED FOR ADVICE, NOT A RUDE LECTURE... YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME FOR YOU TO JUDGE ME THIS HARSH.

In closing... stop using drugs, stop cheating on your boyfriends, WHO SAID I CHEATED ON BOYFRIENDS? I SAID I CHEATED ON MY CURRENT BOYFRIEND... AND THAT ALL HIS EXGIRLFRIENDS AND HIS EXWIFE CHEATED ON HIM... WHY DON'T YOU READ MORE CAREFULLY BEFORE RESPONDING.

stop being stupid, and stop acting like a dumb high-school punk. RUDE AND CRUEL PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FORUM.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE.

YES, I KNOW I NEED TO GO TO NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS AND THAT IS MY FIRST STEP.

Of course it didn't. WELL I FEEL THAT BECAUSE I WAS HIGH, I WASN'T THINKING CLEARLY AND I LACK EMPATHY FOR ANYONE WHEN I'M HIGH ON THIS DRUG. SO YES, I FEEL IT WAS THE DRUG THAT MADE ME DO IT. ASK ANYBODY WHO IS IN REHABILITATION AND THEY WILL AGREE. YES I PUT MYSELF IN THE POSITION AND SET MYSELF UP FOR THIS TO POSSIBLY HAPPEN, BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE IF I WAS STRAIGHT, I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT IN MY HEART.

What would be the result of your filling your boyfriend's EN of sexual fulfillment? RESULT WOULD BE THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND LOVE FOR ONE ANTOEHR WOULD STAY STRONG AND GROW STRONGER.

How would it affect you, and him (as individuals and as a couple) - if you got back together, and if you didn't? IF WE GOT BACK TOGETHER, IT WOULD AFFECT US POSITIVELY. IF WE DIDN'T GET BACK TOGETHER, IT WOULD AFFECT ME NEGATIVELY.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR ADVICE AND OPINION. IT HAS REALLY HELPED ME A LOT!!!

No, you made the decision to cheat AND you made the decision to use mind-altering drugs. Now you are trying to "blame" your actions on anything/everything except the responbible person. You. NO I AM NOT BLAMING ANYONE. I AM TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS...I FEEL THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER CHEATED IF I WAS STRAIGHT... IN MY HEART I KNOW IT FOR FACT.

Grow up. Take responsibiltiy for your actions.
Until you realize that the decision to do drugs is yours & yours alone, no one will be able to help you. I KNOW THE DECISION TO DO DRUGS IS MINE ALONE.

I finally was able to get up the courage after a week this happened, to tell my boyfriend. I told him that I have partied with this man on and off before I became committed to my current boyfriend.
Not “really’ committed, though, right? WE BOTH DIDN'T WANT A COMMITMENT AT THE BEGINNING.. SO IT WAS A SHARED THING... SO NO, WE WEREN'T COMMITTED UNTIL NOVEMBER OF 2003. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE RUDE BY SAYING I WASN'T COMMITTED TO HIM WHEN I CHEATED... THAT IS SO WRONG AND DISCOURAGING. YES THE TRUTH HURTS, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE POEPLE AND MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER, NOT BE RUDE AND SAY THINGS THEY ALREADY KNOW AND FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.

I feel that maybe this is going to make our relationship much stronger. Are you on crack now or what? NO HAVEN'T SMOKED IT SINCE THAT EPISODE.

Maybe when your relationship goes south again later, you can cheat some more to "make it stronger"? NO, AGAIN, RUDE... NO, I THINK IT MAKES US STRONGER CAUSE OF WELL, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TELL YOU WHY AND WASTE MY BREATH ON AN [censored] LIKE YOU... YOU ARE RUDE PLEASE DON'T REPLY ANYMORE.

I'm hurting just as much for doing this to him?
Sorry to burts your bubble, but the pain you feel is nothing compared to his pain. Not even close. NO DUH!!!

When will he forgive me
MAYBE when you do something to actually earn forgiveness? Attend drug rehab for minimum of one year and stay clean and sober and show that you actually want to do it for YOU and no one else.I DO NOT NEED A ONE YEAR DRUG REHAB PROGARM.. I NEED A DAILY 1 HOUR NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS MEETING.. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH ALL THIS BEFORE AND KNOW WHAT I NEED... THNAKS FOR YOUR OPINION ON THIS THOUGH. BUT ACTUALLY, WHAT MAKES YOU THE PROFESIONAL THAT I NEED A MINIMUM ONE-YEAR PROGRAM?


If you want to save your life (and any future relationships), you MUST get into drug rehab NOW!
And keep in mind, it's not gonna be a few weeks. This is something you will HAVE to do for life.
You have serious problems and need serious help. Getting off drugs is something you have to do ONLY for you. You will not do it for anyone else.
Sadly most people only learn this the hard way only after they lose everything (literally) that they have. Family, friends, money, possesions, everything. [/QB][/QUOTE] IT'S NOT AS BAD OR SERIOUS PROBLEMS AND NEED HELP AS BEFORE... I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME.. THANKS FOR YOUR OPINOINS ON ALL OF THIS.. I HAVE LOST EVERYTHING BEFORE ON IT.. JUST SOME PEOPLE DON'T LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES OR LEARN AT A DIFFERENT PACE. OR JUST AREN'T READY TO QUIT... I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO.. I WILL DO MEETINGS AND GET A SPONSOR.

Drugs are stupid. NO DUH!
And you STILL do them because?

Unless you're just using the drugs as an excuse to behave any way you damn well please, and get away with it. In which case... you need therapy, something fierce. NO, I USED THE DRUGS, WITH THE INTENTIONS OF JUST PARTYING WITH THIS GUY, AND WHEN I WAS HIGH, I GAVE IN.
ANd yet still, you are using the drugs as an excuse for what you did.


Marriage is different. YOU ARE SO WRONG... MARRIAGE OR NOT, IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE WITH ALL YOUR HEART, YOU STILL CAN WORK ON PROBLEMS AND WANT TO WORK EVERYTHING OUT, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS AND COMMITMENT IS
You are wrong. You know nothing of love and commitment.

I believe in death before divorce (for myself... not for her). I'd rather die than break my marriage vows, or become another statistic on divorce.com. OH, SO IF YOUR WIFE CHEATED ON YOU ONCE EVERY SINGLE MONTH FOR A YEAR, OR YEARS, YOU WOULD STILL STAY WITH HER? THAT'S STUPID!
That is “unconditional love” and that is what “real love” is according to your previous posts. Now it’s wrong? Why do you expect your boyfriend to stay with you when you cheat and take drugs over & over?

Lecture over. I DIDN'T ASK FOR A STUPID LECTURE AND YOU ARE A JERK!
Name calling is so mature.

stop being stupid, and stop acting like a dumb high-school punk. RUDE AND CRUEL PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FORUM.
But you can call him a jerk and it’s okay?

YES, I KNOW I NEED TO GO TO NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS AND THAT IS MY FIRST STEP.
Then you need to do it NOW. Not next week, not tomorrow, not in 10 minutes, but NOW!.
If you do not find a local contact IMMMEDIATELY and get a hold of them IMMEDIATELY and find out how to get into rehab IMMEDIATELY, you are not serious about anything.

WELL I FEEL THAT BECAUSE I WAS HIGH, I WASN'T THINKING CLEARLY AND I LACK EMPATHY FOR ANYONE WHEN I'M HIGH ON THIS DRUG. SO YES, I FEEL IT WAS THE DRUG THAT MADE ME DO IT.
Okay, let’s cut the crap.
You KNOW what happens when you get high. NO MORE EXCUSES.
So if you get high again, it will be with the intent of having sex with someone other than your boyfriend. No more

YES I PUT MYSELF IN THE POSITION AND SET MYSELF UP FOR THIS TO POSSIBLY HAPPEN, BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE IF I WAS STRAIGHT
Then don’t get high.

Do you know how you can tell when someone who uses drugs is lying?
Their lips are moving.

No, you made the decision to cheat AND you made the decision to use mind-altering drugs. Now you are trying to "blame" your actions on anything/everything except the responbible person. You. NO I AM NOT BLAMING ANYONE. I AM TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS...I FEEL THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER CHEATED IF I WAS STRAIGHT... IN MY HEART I KNOW IT FOR FACT.
The world is filled with good intentions. The fact remains, YOU DID CHEAT!

SO NO, WE WEREN'T COMMITTED UNTIL NOVEMBER OF 2003. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE RUDE BY SAYING I WASN'T COMMITTED TO HIM WHEN I CHEATED
That’s not rude, that’s a simple fact.
If you have an affair and cheat on your boyfriend (even if it’s “because” of drugs) you are NOT really committed.
If you are committed, you will not do drugs KNOWING they will “make’ you cheat”.

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW!
If you don’t know it, of course I should tell you.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE POEPLE AND MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER, NOT BE RUDE AND SAY THINGS THEY ALREADY KNOW AND FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.[
Okay, sorry.
Get off drugs and quit cheating on your boyfriend.

Maybe when your relationship goes south again later, you can cheat some more to "make it stronger"? NO, AGAIN, RUDE... NO, I THINK IT MAKES US STRONGER CAUSE OF WELL, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TELL YOU WHY AND WASTE MY BREATH ON AN [censored] LIKE YOU... YOU ARE RUDE PLEASE DON'T REPLY ANYMORE.
You call me an [censored] and I’m being rude?

I'm hurting just as much for doing this to him?
Sorry to burts your bubble, but the pain you feel is nothing compared to his pain. Not even close. NO DUH!!!
If it’s “no duh” then why did you say it to begin with?

WHAT MAKES YOU THE PROFESIONAL THAT I NEED A MINIMUM ONE-YEAR PROGRAM?
I’m not saying you need to be “in-house” for a year but you need to be in some type of program fo rat least one year and go to it faithfully.

Oh, and far as a “professional” I’m far from one. But it was YOU who cam e here looking for help.

I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO.. I WILL DO MEETINGS AND GET A SPONSOR.
When?

<small>[ June 01, 2004, 01:15 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> Drugs are stupid. NO DUH!
And you STILL do them because? I'M A DRUG ADDICT!

Unless you're just using the drugs as an excuse to behave any way you damn well please, and get away with it. In which case... you need therapy, something fierce. NO, I USED THE DRUGS, WITH THE INTENTIONS OF JUST PARTYING WITH THIS GUY, AND WHEN I WAS HIGH, I GAVE IN.[/b\
ANd yet still, you are using the drugs as an excuse for what you did. YES BECAUSE LIKE I SAID, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND.


[b]Marriage is different. YOU ARE SO WRONG... MARRIAGE OR NOT, IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE WITH ALL YOUR HEART, YOU STILL CAN WORK ON PROBLEMS AND WANT TO WORK EVERYTHING OUT, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED, CAUSE THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS AND COMMITMENT IS
You are wrong. You know nothing of love and commitment. NO, I'M NOT... I DO KNOW OF LOVE AND COMMITMENT..AND FEEL IF YOU CAN WORK OUT ANY PROBLEM YOU HAVE WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED, YOU CAN DO THE SAME WHEN YOU ARE DATING A PERSON.

I believe in death before divorce (for myself... not for her). I'd rather die than break my marriage vows, or become another statistic on divorce.com. OH, SO IF YOUR WIFE CHEATED ON YOU ONCE EVERY SINGLE MONTH FOR A YEAR, OR YEARS, YOU WOULD STILL STAY WITH HER? THAT'S STUPID!
That is “unconditional love” and that is what “real love” is according to your previous posts. Now it’s wrong? NO, CAUSE I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM BEFORE, THIS WAS THE FIRST MISTAKE I MADE WITH HIM REGARDING CHEATING... I FEEL EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.

Why do you expect your boyfriend to stay with you when you cheat and take drugs over & over? I HAVE NOT CHEATED OVER AND OVER, ONLY THAT ONE TIME... AND HE HAS ALWAYS SUPPORTED ME WHEN I HAVE TAKEN DRUGS OVER AND OVER CAUSE HE KNOWS IT ISN'T EASY AND LOVES ME AND SAYS HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND WANTS TO BE HERE FOR ME.

Lecture over. I DIDN'T ASK FOR A STUPID LECTURE AND YOU ARE A JERK!
Name calling is so mature. NAME CALLING IS A WAY TO GET STRESS OFF AND GETTING A POINT ACROSS.

stop being stupid, and stop acting like a dumb high-school punk. RUDE AND CRUEL PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FORUM.
But you can call him a jerk and it’s okay? CALL WHO A JERK? YOU? WHATEVER.

YES, I KNOW I NEED TO GO TO NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS AND THAT IS MY FIRST STEP.[/b
Then you need to do it NOW. Not next week, not tomorrow, not in 10 minutes, but NOW!.
If you do not find a local contact [b]IMMMEDIATELY and get a hold of them IMMEDIATELY and find out how to get into rehab IMMEDIATELY, you are not serious about anything. I HAVE ALREADY, I JUST DON'T GO EVERY DAY JUST YET... EVERYONE DOES IT AT THEIR OWN PACE. I FIND, GOING TO MEETINGS MAKES IT WORSE FOR ME. THE PROGRAM DOES NOT WORK FOR EVERYONE. IT MAKES ME WANT TO PARTY MORE, GOING TO MEETINGS MAKES ME ALSO FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU'RE DEPRIVED OF SOMETHING YOU CAN NEVER HAVE, MAKES YOU WANT IT MORE... I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN TO STAY CLEAN WITH HELP OF OTHERS, AND BY DOING MY OWN SELF-PROGRAM.. AND ATTENDING MEETINGS OCCASSIOANLLY FOR NOW.

WELL I FEEL THAT BECAUSE I WAS HIGH, I WASN'T THINKING CLEARLY AND I LACK EMPATHY FOR ANYONE WHEN I'M HIGH ON THIS DRUG. SO YES, I FEEL IT WAS THE DRUG THAT MADE ME DO IT.
Okay, let’s cut the crap.
You KNOW what happens when you get high. NO MORE EXCUSES.
So if you get high again, it will be with the intent of having sex with someone other than your boyfriend. No more PROBABLY, AND THAT'S WHY I AM GOING TO STAY CLEAN.

YES I PUT MYSELF IN THE POSITION AND SET MYSELF UP FOR THIS TO POSSIBLY HAPPEN, BUT I WOULDN'T HAVE IF I WAS STRAIGHT
Then don’t get high. EASY FOR YOU TO JUST SAY THAT.

Do you know how you can tell when someone who uses drugs is lying?
Their lips are moving. AND YOUR POINT?

No, you made the decision to cheat AND you made the decision to use mind-altering drugs. Now you are trying to "blame" your actions on anything/everything except the responbible person. You. NO I AM NOT BLAMING ANYONE. I AM TAKING FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS...I FEEL THAT I WOULD HAVE NEVER CHEATED IF I WAS STRAIGHT... IN MY HEART I KNOW IT FOR FACT.
The world is filled with good intentions. The fact remains, YOU DID CHEAT! DUHHHH!!! AND WE'RE ONLY HUMAN.. WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES... WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM IT AND MAKE IT BETTER.

SO NO, WE WEREN'T COMMITTED UNTIL NOVEMBER OF 2003. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE RUDE BY SAYING I WASN'T COMMITTED TO HIM WHEN I CHEATED
That’s not rude, that’s a simple fact.
If you have an affair and cheat on your boyfriend (even if it’s “because” of drugs) you are NOT really committed.
If you are committed, you will not do drugs KNOWING they will “make’ you cheat”. I DID NOT KNOW IT WOULD MAKE ME CHEAT!!! AND I AM AND WAS COMMITTED, I MADE A MISTAKE...

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW!
If you don’t know it, of course I should tell you. I SAID SOMETHING I ALREADY KNOW, I DON'T NEED TO BE TOLD. BUT YES, IF I DON'T KNOW, THEN I SHOULD BE TOLD, AND THANK YOU.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ENCOURAGE POEPLE AND MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER, NOT BE RUDE AND SAY THINGS THEY ALREADY KNOW AND FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.[
Okay, sorry. OKAY FORGIVEN.

Get off drugs and quit cheating on your boyfriend. I CHEATED ONCE AND WON'T AGAIN. I AM GOING TO BE CLEAN AND TRY MY BEST TO BE THE VERY BEST I CAN.

Maybe when your relationship goes south again later, you can cheat some more to "make it stronger"? NO, AGAIN, RUDE... NO, I THINK IT MAKES US STRONGER CAUSE OF WELL, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TELL YOU WHY AND WASTE MY BREATH ON AN [censored] LIKE YOU... YOU ARE RUDE PLEASE DON'T REPLY ANYMORE.
You call me an [censored] and I’m being rude? ANGER MAKES ME CURSE... I'M SORRY.

I'm hurting just as much for doing this to him?
Sorry to burts your bubble, but the pain you feel is nothing compared to his pain. Not even close. NO DUH!!!
If it’s “no duh” then why did you say it to begin with? BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS TOO... I HURT CAUSE I HURT HIM. WHEN HE HURTS, I HURT... CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT??

WHAT MAKES YOU THE PROFESIONAL THAT I NEED A MINIMUM ONE-YEAR PROGRAM?[/b
I’m not saying you need to be “in-house” for a year but you need to be in some type of program fo rat least one year and go to it faithfully. I KNOW... THANK YOU.

Oh, and far as a “professional” I’m far from one. But it was YOU who cam e here looking for help. I KNOW BUT PEOPLE ARE TOO HARSH AND KNOW-IT-ALLS HERE AND DON'T HAVE ANY SYMPATHY OR EMPATHY OR ENCOURAGEMENT A LOT WHEN PEOPLE ASK FOR SIMPLE ADVICE.

[b]I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO.. I WILL DO MEETINGS AND GET A SPONSOR.
When? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I HAVE ATTENDED 2 MEETINGS ALREADY.

wew! now that was comedy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I haven't laughed that hard in a loooong time. You guys had me rolling! I haven't heard "no duh" in years! Ah man. That was good.

real nice of you to laugh at people's problems in life.

YES BECAUSE LIKE I SAID, I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND.
You say you would never cheat on your boyfriend, but that's not true because you DID cheat on your boyfriend.

I FEEL EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.
But what you feel has little to do with this. It is what your boyfriend feels that matters.

Why do you expect your boyfriend to stay with you when you cheat and take drugs over & over? I HAVE NOT CHEATED OVER AND OVER, ONLY THAT ONE TIME
Oh, I guess it’s okay then…

Lecture over. I DIDN'T ASK FOR A STUPID LECTURE AND YOU ARE A JERK!
Name calling is so mature. NAME CALLING IS A WAY TO GET STRESS OFF AND GETTING A POINT ACROSS.
You really need to pay attention more in Narcanon instead laying the blame on others.

stop being stupid, and stop acting like a dumb high-school punk. RUDE AND CRUEL PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FORUM.
But you can call him a jerk and it’s okay? CALL WHO A JERK? YOU? WHATEVER.
No. YOU are calling people stupid & jerks. THat is rude.

EVERYONE DOES IT AT THEIR OWN PACE. I FIND, GOING TO MEETINGS MAKES IT WORSE FOR ME.
Again, at Narcanon, you need to pay attention more to the message people are giving.

Maybe when your relationship goes south again later, you can cheat some more to "make it stronger"? NO, AGAIN, RUDE
Why is it that when someone puts exactly what you said back to you, it is rude?

You call me an [censored] and I’m being rude? ANGER MAKES ME CURSE... I'M SORRY.
Narcanon will show you that it’s up to YOU to control things (anger), not let things control you. Just as you control your “need” for drugs” and not the other way ‘round.

I'm hurting just as much for doing this to him?
Sorry to burts your bubble, but the pain you feel is nothing compared to his pain. Not even close. NO DUH!!!
If it’s “no duh” then why did you say it to begin with? BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS TOO... I HURT CAUSE I HURT HIM. WHEN HE HURTS, I HURT... CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT??
Yes. The pain of your partner having an affair is far worse than you having an affair.

Oh, and far as a “professional” I’m far from one. But it was YOU who cam e here looking for help. I KNOW BUT PEOPLE ARE TOO HARSH AND KNOW-IT-ALLS HERE AND DON'T HAVE ANY SYMPATHY OR EMPATHY OR ENCOURAGEMENT A LOT WHEN PEOPLE ASK FOR SIMPLE ADVICE.
Try taking all of this without getting defensive. Remember, YOU Had the affair and YOU lied and YOU took the drugs.
You want to hear ONLY things which you agree with. Most of that is not gonna do you ANY good. We will tell you what you NEED to hear and it’s not always gonna be easy.

<small>[ June 01, 2004, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

dtia musta posted 2 the wrong thread by mistake.

'least, that's what it looks like 2 ol' 2long.

-ol' 2long

I'm sorry. I really am. But I have never read anything like that on here before...and the comments were...well.

No, but seriously. I know you are hurting. I can tell you really want to stop hurting your boyfriend. I also know how difficult it must be to get your life in order. It sounds as though things seem to be just spiraling out of control. It must be hard. I can only imagine.

I have never used drugs so I cannot say I know what you are going through, but I can sense through your posts that you are going through much. At least you are to the point where you know you need help. I think you are almost there. Just keep doing what you are doing, don't stop, and I am sure you will be okay.

then again, maybe it wasn't a mistake... (we were posting at the same time, dtia! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

iwtbh:

Try 2 take it easy, okay? Nobody wants 2 "hurt you", just help you see the pain you're inflicting on yourself. Only when you realize it's a choice you make 2 avoid doing the hard work 2 really recover your integrity, will you choose 2 change your self-destructive behavior.

We care, even if you can't see it now.
-ol' 2long

<small>[ June 01, 2004, 01:41 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

You say you would never cheat on your boyfriend, but that's not true because you DID cheat on your boyfriend. BECAUSE I WAS HIGH.

I FEEL EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE.
But what you feel has little to do with this. It is what your boyfriend feels that matters. DUH I KNOW THAT.. THAT WASN'T MY POINT.

Why do you expect your boyfriend to stay with you when you cheat and take drugs over & over? I HAVE NOT CHEATED OVER AND OVER, ONLY THAT ONE TIMEOh, I guess it’s okay then… DIDN'T SAY THAT.

You really need to pay attention more in Narcanon instead laying the blame on others. DIDN'T BLAME ANYONE.

stop being stupid, and stop acting like a dumb high-school punk. RUDE AND CRUEL PEOPLE LIKE YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FORUM.
But you can call him a jerk and it’s okay? CALL WHO A JERK? YOU? WHATEVER.
No. YOU are calling people stupid & jerks. THat is rude. YOU WERE RUDE FIRST SO THAT IS THE WAY I RESPONDED, BY BEING DEFENSIVE.

EVERYONE DOES IT AT THEIR OWN PACE. I FIND, GOING TO MEETINGS MAKES IT WORSE FOR ME.
Again, at Narcanon, you need to pay attention more to the message people are giving. I HAVE...

Maybe when your relationship goes south again later, you can cheat some more to "make it stronger"? NO, AGAIN, RUDE
Why is it that when someone puts exactly what you said back to you, it is rude? CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW ME OR UNDERSTAND ME AND THINK I'M A BAD PERSON AND READING ME WRONG AND JUDGING ME AND CRITICAL OF ME.. AND DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.

You call me an [censored] and I’m being rude? ANGER MAKES ME CURSE... I'M SORRY.
Narcanon will show you that it’s up to YOU to control things (anger), not let things control you. Just as you control your “need” for drugs” and not the other way ‘round. I KNOW THAT.

I'm hurting just as much for doing this to him?
Sorry to burts your bubble, but the pain you feel is nothing compared to his pain. Not even close. NO DUH!!!
If it’s “no duh” then why did you say it to begin with? BECAUSE I HAVE FEELINGS TOO... I HURT CAUSE I HURT HIM. WHEN HE HURTS, I HURT... CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT??
Yes. The pain of your partner having an affair is far worse than you having an affair. DIDN'T SAY THAT.

Oh, and far as a “professional” I’m far from one. But it was YOU who cam e here looking for help. I KNOW BUT PEOPLE ARE TOO HARSH AND KNOW-IT-ALLS HERE AND DON'T HAVE ANY SYMPATHY OR EMPATHY OR ENCOURAGEMENT A LOT WHEN PEOPLE ASK FOR SIMPLE ADVICE.
Try taking all of this without getting defensive. Remember, YOU Had the affair and YOU lied and YOU took the drugs. I KNOW..DUH.

You want to hear ONLY things which you agree with. NOT TRUE.

Most of that is not gonna do you ANY good. We will tell you what you NEED to hear and it’s not always gonna be easy. [/QB][/QUOTE] I KNOW THAT, BUT YOU JUDGE WRONGLY AND SHOULD ASK MORE QUESTIONS OR GIVE OPINIONS IN A NICE WAY, NOT RUDELY. CAUSE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME OR HOW THE RELATIONSHIP IS.

It must be hard. I can only imagine. iT IS AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SYMPATHY. IT'S MUCH APPRECIATED.

I have never used drugs so I cannot say I know what you are going through, but I can sense through your posts that you are going through much. At least you are to the point where you know you need help. I think you are almost there. Just keep doing what you are doing, don't stop, and I am sure you will be okay. [/QB][/QUOTE] THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Try 2 take it easy, okay? Nobody wants 2 "hurt you", just help you see the pain you're inflicting on yourself. Only when you realize it's a choice you make 2 avoid doing the hard work 2 really recover your integrity, will you choose 2 change your self-destructive behavior.

We care, even if you can't see it now.
-ol' 2long [/QB][/QUOTE] THANK YOU.