Well, I am borrowing this from Tinman. I am now in Plan Me. I know that all you BS's have wonderful WS's who you can hardly live without. Well I am sick of hearing this.

Your WS married you for some reason. At one time they thought you were wonderful, and the perfect mate. What happened to that person? I believe that person got so tied up in loving, raising a family, making a home, that they disappeared.

Well too bad. That is how life is. Our WS's have moved to a new relationship. That is their problem.

I have decided to go on with my life and enjoy it. I have spent way too much time trying to lure WH back to the marriage. Can't do it anymore.

I do believe that my WH married me for a reason. I have been a good and faithful wife. I still believe that I deserve a good and faithful husband.

So my plan is to continue growing, make changes as necessary, and have a fulfilling, wonderful life. Please join me.

Let's all work together to improve ourselves, get busy in activities, build our self-esteem, help others, and move on, with or without our spouses.

Post here to tell others what you are DOING (not talking about) to have a nice life. Post about what you are DOING (not thinking about doing) to help others.

Also no whining. I don't want to hear how wonderful your WS was. I want to hear how you are going to move forward.

believer I haven't copywrited Plan Me yet LOL just kidding you can use it since you are a good friend. I will update on this post when I have time about my Plan Me.

<small>[ June 03, 2004, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

believer...I am a FWW so my input may not be what you're looking for but I applaud your attitude!! I would like a double portion of what you have!!
God Bless!

Lisa - I welcome posts from WS's too. We all need to move on. What are you doing for yourself and humanity?

Stopped drinking. Affair had me drinking too much to self-medicate.

cwmac

<small>[ June 03, 2004, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

I just started a thread seeking on advice on just that subject. You can read it. I certainly do not want to bring my "whining" to your positive thread. I will tell you what I hope to achieve. I used to be a person who never thought about myself and always put others first, which I still do with my family. I am trying to get to a point where I truly can love myself so that I can be a person who can give love to others. Does that make sense?

cwmac- Good for you. And what else are you doing to reclaim cwmac?

I so second cw's thread. I've stopped drinking and taking hydrocodone to numb out so that's a good thing.

Lisa - So what else are you doing to reclaim Lisa?
I can totally relate to your story. I did too much for WH, his family, and everyone else.

Now I am doing things for me. Nothing very special, but things to bring myself back. I exercise, started a new business, go out with friends, volunteer (nursing home, veterans group, reading to second graders, and a battered womens group).

I am feeling good about me. WH is still with OW, but guess what, I don't care.

What a good idea.. for plan me! well, let me think... I've been reading more than usual. I've been doing my aerobics, and lock myself into looking for a job. Tommorow I am finally going to open my bank account without my husband name on it here. I have my own, but its in USA.

I got myself some new clothes, makeup, and eating a lot better!

harudah- Good for you girl. You are a strong, beautiful woman. You need to move on. WH can either get on the program, or lose you.

Believer,

I am pretty much doing what I have always done even while married.I take care of my girls and myself and I continue to do the things I enjoy without WH.

I also do not care one iota what my WH does now.Although he always tries to slip in a bit of info of what he's doing as if I care.Whatever.

I am going to start running/jogging this summer with my oldest daughter,she wants to get into that and I also just bought us all new rollerblades(NOT WH) so we will be doing that as well.I can't wait.The three Musketeers!

O

<small>[ June 03, 2004, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Believer, I promise I won't whine here, I only whine in my own thread <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

I trimmed a tree in the front yard and walked 30 minutes. Then talked to a pastor in Canada to boost my confidence and faith. Then I cooked a dish my kids like before leaving for work.

I will come back to read others when I feel down or up.

octobergirl -

Well, we are in the same place. I will no longer tolerate my WH being the center of my world. I am doing things with my boys. We are having a great time. WH is continuing to do whatever he is doing. I am done with him.

There are too many fun things in life. When I visited my sister, we went kayaking, fishing, hiking, etc.

Excellent thread!

I am:
- Taking time to meditate each night with my kids (we listen to earthy music and then do deep breathing exercises to release all the tension, then cuddle, and say prayers before bed).

- Fostering new friendships and rekindling old ones (I really do have some GREAT friends... who love me a bunch, who enjoy my company and I theirs, who can make me laugh till I want to pee my pants).

- Doing yoga each night (increases my flexibility, which, no matter what lies ahead, is always good). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

- Actively doing the things that I love, that my WH would never do. Like going to the beach, traveling (taking short trips in the state, planning a few nice trips nationally, and even one internationally by 1st quarter next year).

- Smiling more with strangers. Amazing how many more people turn their heads at me for a second glance, or prolong their eye contact and their handshake longer, when I have a genuine smile on my face and a little, just a tiny little saunter to my walk, a bounce in my step. And it really feels flattering to get the attention, and it really feels great to be happy DESPITE what is seemingly really negative.

- Thinking about what kind of life I want to have should WH never come home. What will it look like, feel like, smell like, BE like.

- Take control again of my life. I have always been a woman who has valued the mastery of my life. I have been to motivational seminars, personal growth sessions, and have learned a lot of really valuable nuggets about going gang busters, no hold barred, ball to the wall for your hopes and dreams... AND HAVING THE AWESOME EXPERIENCE OF ACHIEVING THEM!!! I have never lived a passive life, where I sat around and waited for things to "happen" to me. I MADE THINGS HAPPEN! I am going to get back to myself...back to the woman I was. The woman who learned from her mistakes, and then got back up, and moved the hell on.

- Love myself more. I will work on loving my body, my heart, my mind, my soul, my spirit, loving all the things that are great about me, and forgiving, correcting, and embracing all the things that are not. Enjoy the lovely, sensuous, witty, wonderful things that make me...me.

I will think of some more things...but that is a good start for now.

I just found a volunteer website. I will do some volunteer work.

Here is my coming plan:

I will be helping my D school for 2 days next week. Then they will be out of school the week after.

I will teach for the VBS in church for a week.

We may go fishing, canoeing.

When Plan B starts, we will go to Toronto.

Believer,
The posts got me thinking. (I know scary) Anyway besides the fact that I don't drink anymore. I'm doining the following:

-excercising regularly
-lost 15 lbs (primarily from lack of alcohol and the excercise)
-reading more (for fun and self actualization)
-less serious ( was way too serious)
-repairing/ attempting to repair damaged relationships
-reconnecting with friends from the past ( no not for revenge affair)
-dreaming of & planning for future fun ie Would love to live in Italy or Southern France before I get old(er).

cwmac

Great responses! I am old, but still have a life ahead of me. I am going to live that life. I am going to do it now.

I still love my WH, but cannot put my life on hold forever. So I have moved on. I am doing all the things that I always wanted to do.

I have gotten into my own Plan Me. I exercise, do volunteer work, cook, clean, redecorate, etc. My WH is still doing the WH things. Who cares?

SerendipiT...Awesome post. If you get the chance would you please share some of those "nuggets" here. I for one need the wisdom that many are imparting here.

Believer. It sounds like you have your life back!! Good for you!!

I love the thread.

I am willfully loosing weight, not UNwillfully anymore (if you know what I mean)

I am excercising again. Had to stop due to ankle surgery but doc has given me the green light.

I have joined a yoga class and go twice a week. First time doing it and I absolutely love it. Makes me feel good about myself. Great de-stressor

With weight loss I am buying new clothes and that is always fun.

Painted my toe nails, haven't done that in ?? oh, shoot the number of years doesn't matter but its like 25 years ago???

I went to a play last weekend, it was a comedy and I loved it. And will be going to casino to learn how to play Black Jack with friends and to catch a concert tomorrow.

I plan to do something every weekend. This was part of the problem in marriage, we stopped having fun. Well? I'm doing it, if I have to do it by myself. Its a bit awkward but I'm loving it.

I have also thrown myself into working on our property. I've been doing some pretty physical work that has really got me aching . .. but it's a good aching feeling. Not one of those depressing aches that comes with A's.

I ordered a bathing suit, haven't worn a bathing suit in years because of my size. Look forward to getting it and working on a tan too.

Yeah, I love this thread!!