</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The man with whom I am having an A doesn't want this, either. He is constantly going back and forth between me and his W. So he doesn't want to end his M either.
The thing is, I know having an A was not the appropriate way to handle our relationship, but it has happened. I feel guilty about it, but I can't change it.
Why does everyone tell him that we shouldn't have a life together just because of how our relationship began? Why can't it be a relationship that moving forward only builds each other up and is otherwise a positive and constructive relationship. We are both good people who have done this one thing that was inappropriate and poorly timed. We hurt someone with our selfishness, but that doesn't mean we should punish ourselves for the rest of our lives, does it? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just came across this thread today and I can't read all of the responses, but felt compelled to write to you.
Inga, your words leave me with an impession of someone who is hurting. You sound as if you want validation for what you're doing, yet know that if you get it, it would still be wrong to continue this relationship.
Some of the words you use, phrases you say sound like something my WH OW would say. The difference I see is you are portraying yourself as unmarried, while she is married with a small child.
If you are, indeed, unmarried, I would think you would want to run the other way! Many people here have responded very harshly and negatively to you. I don't feel that for you. I do agree that you need to end this relationship, but mostly I think you need to end it for YOU.
There are so many men out there that would be great catches. The added stress of an affair-based marriage would be incredibly challenging. I fear that you may wake up 5 years from now and detest who you are, what you did.
It sounds as if he can't make up his mind who to be with, which, from my point of view, means his wife isn't a BAD person, that they may have just hit a bump in the road.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> know I am on a website DEDICATED to building marriages. The fact that I agree with a great deal of the relationship advice, guidelines, and ideals on the website might surprise a lot of you. Before, I never thought I would be in a situation like this, and I go through my mind over and over how I wound up here. Don't think that I am proud and flaunting this. I am not at all.
The fact that some of you are so judgemental and mean knowing nothing about me or the situation other than what I wrote in my original post amazes me. I didn't expect you to approve of me or what I've done, but to judge me knowing nothing is something I didn't expect. I don't expect anyone to be my friend. I just asked an honest question.
For the record, I am sorry for the role that I played in hurting the W. I am usually the person who is always thinking of others. So, don't think that I am not thinking of W and how she is and how I'm affecting her and her pain.
I'm not trying to play the victim here, either. So don't think that.
The fact of the matter is, that some M's do end due to EMA's. Whether that is right or wrong is a seperate issue that I think has a different answer for each relationship. For some M's, an EMA can be too much from which to recover. If that's the case, why does it have to be that the two that had the A should not be together?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What if you took about two years away from each other? What do you think would happen? Would your bond be as strong? Would his bond with his W be less strong?
Don't want to be judgmental because we all have our faults. I know in my M I haven't been the cat's meow every minute. But I DO know that my WH and I are right for each other. We have children who depend on us. We have an obligation to them to bring them up in a stable home, with two loving parents. We have an obligation to break the divorce cycle.
I dunno ... food for thought. I wish you luck and will pray that you find your way out of this relationship and can live with peace in your heart.
