It is not that I care about my WH at all. I just don't want things to backfire on me. We agreed not to do any divorce stuff until after the baby was born. Actually I told him I wasn't selling my house or signing papers a month before I had a baby. He agreed.
By sending him papers I am going against the agreement which I don't care about I just don't want him to turn around and serve me papers out of the blue. I believe he would do it. The OW got her D in one month and he is eager to move on with his new life.
I want to protect myself.

Dear Durham,

I see your logic. I try to stay ready to change my ideas and suggestions when I am shown to be incorrect or wrong.

I see where an E-mail might be an appropriate heads-up to explain that papers have to be filed now for custody and visitation. At the time you agreed to wait till after the baby was born, you had not anticipated that visitation and custody would need to be settled sooner, and that Divorce Papers are needed for custody to be legally binding.

There is probably no need for unnecessary shock treatment.

Is there any way to give a heads-up through an intermediary, so that you could still stick to Plan B? Your attorney could give H a call. Maybe while you are in your attorney's office. Your attorney could just leave a brief voice-mail. Does H have an answering machine? Your attorney could send H an E-mail.

Do you have any ideas on what OW's plans are? Since her divorce is final, I suppose that makes it not too likely that OW will be getting back together with her husband.

Any more resources lined up to replace MIL for your first week home?

Blessings

Today I was told a few things from a mutual friend about my WH's thoughts. He believes we can sit down together and work out a visitation agreement. He stated that he thinks we will be able to do that. He doesn't want to have to resort to a third party like an attorney. I think he is nuts. I won't even talk to him not alone sit down and work out an agreement. I am dreading next week when I will let him know my intentions for filing visitation papers.
I know that he thinks everything will go smoothly because the OW's divorce was the easiest in history. Her H agreed to everything they drew the papers together signed and D was final in a month. This included custody of their son. Talk about quick.

Dear Durham,

If H is going to be visiting your son in your home, how do you plan to handle attending to the baby while H is there? Do you plan to have MIL and H visit at the same time? What will be MIL's visiting rights? Do you have anyone else lined up to help you the first week? Is there anyone else who could handle the baby's needs while H is visiting? How do you plan to handle breast feeding while H is visiting? Do you have a webcam set up so H could visit some hours by webcam? Is there a nursing service available to handle the baby if things get tense between you and H for a week or two? Have you finalized what you feel is fair and workable? Do you have a mechanism for you and H to agree to further visitation hours, at your discretion? What are your options if H starts over-staying his visiting time? Or comes early? Or wants to change visiting hours one week? Will the Order exclude other visitors from accompanying H on his visits?

Your lawyer could maybe write H a letter, something like, "Dear H, I have advised Durham that to make visiting provisions legally binding, that a Divorce Action must be initiated. Durham has asked me to alert you to this reality, as the Divorce action is something that Durham had planned to delay, in the hopes of reconcilation. Durham has asked me to let you know that I am preparing Divorce Action papers, and you will be receiving the papers, in person, by a process server, unless you care to execute and notarize, and return to me, the enclosed Waiver of Notice of Service of Process. If reconciliation is effectuated, please advise me of this at any time."

Blessings

<small>[ June 14, 2004, 04:12 AM: Message edited by: Whaler ]</small>