hey,

So let's really work on getting Dylan back or at the very least, discover who the new Dylan may really be ! Get her to some counselling ASAP and maybe even to a doctor for some anti-depressants as you had once mentionned. The antidepressants alone will help to clear her head a bit, help her to function better and even allow her to organize her thoughts... it's all about helping her to think more clearly and aleviate her suffering somewhat. Forget finacial restrictions for now and borrow if you have to... it's about saving a soul and snatching a spirit away from darkness... no matter what the outcome for your marriage !

Peace,
Odyssey

I so agree with every word you said.

I mentioned your 'weekly update conversation' idea and she thought it was a good idea. We talked a bit yesterday. Nothing really new surfaced.

Well, some stuff was pretty poignant, but if I post about it, I'll just get all riled up. Right now I'm enjoying a little peace of mind and don't want to shake that up.

dewt

Hey Dewt,

You know, sometimes peace comes from facing up to and dealing with the "poignant stuff" as well. Maybe you will consider posting once you have digested that conversation a bit?

Be good to yourself in the meantime.

Peace,
Odyssey

The main issue, if I understand correctly, is that I had sex with my ex-wife, and the intent behind it.

I don't even know what to post about it that I already haven't said.

I'm having a tough time not LBing because it's so unfair that she is sitting in such harsh judgement on me considering all that she has done.

I had one momentary lapse of judgement... she watched me fall to pieces over 2 months due to her behaviour and never gave a damn enough to stop!!!

That's what I keep wanting to scream, but I can't because my son is sleeping and also she's right... I shouldn't have done that... above all else... and also I don't want to act like I'm Mr. Pure...

She's been dropping comments intensely for the past few days... little zingers that LB me huge, but the don't hurt so much as they used to... now they are starting to fill me with resentment and bitterness. Feelings I do NOT want to carry around with me. They are involking images and memories I thought I'd gotten past.

I wish I could just take those snide comments and tell myself she's just getting it out, or releasing steam... but that's just not the case. They form a feedback loop and it just amplifies itself and never goes away. Fades somewhat after 4 yrs or so, but never goes away. I lived with this after my affair. Then, I could handle it, because I felt I really deserved it and what I'd done to her was so unfair and cruel, and she never deserved it. Now... it's different. Yes, I've screwed up along the way, but at least I've been trying to do the right thing. At least I care.

I won't give up. I swore to myself and (silently) to my son that I would not lose faith. Right now I'm having a hard time of it. Hopefully some praying and a good night's sleep will help me get my head screwed back on straight.

dewt

Hi Dewt,

I think your head is screwed on back straight. Also, I think that while Dylan has been hurt by that one stint with your Ex, the issue may be a greater one. You see, with your Ex, you have to have some kind of relationship for the sake of your other son, and so, she will always be in the picture and this makes it difficult for Dylan to trust that nothing like this will ever happen again. I don't know, and maybe I'm wrong.
The other possibility is that maybe Dylan has already made her mind up about your marriage, maybe she is not i love with you anymore, and maybe she doesn't have what it takes, the courage to end things. Being around Mini will make that even harder for her if this is the case. Yes, Minin is a common thread to the two of you, but I really believe that a marriage cannot be repaired solely for the sake of the children. I know, I've been there, but maybe others know differently as well. So far, you have tried to "win" Dylan back on your own merits, Plan A-ing, Plan B-ing, now this arrangement you have, and nothing seems to be working... it has been 6-8 months now and even longer if you look at your history carefully. How long do you plan to go on like this.
I believe in marriage too Dewt, but not at all costs. I believe that God loves people beyond their weaknesses and beyond their abilities to maintain a marriage. I believe that in God's eyes, every person is worthy of love and happiness, and if it is not possible for a person to have these things within their marriage, and make a clear, thought-out decision to end things, God would be accepting of that, of you.
O.k. enough of that. So, does Dylan have a plan? Do you? cuz to put it simply, I feel that you are both headed to a place where you both may get too sick too look after Mini... Dylan's already burnt out and you are running on empty. Right now, you have to focus on your love for the most vulnerable member in your family, the child who is TOTALLY dependent on you. While you feel you are doing the right thing for him right now, this may not be the case in the longrun. Please go see your counsellor.
Maybe in your next talk with Dylan, you should ask her if she intends to work on your marriage, and if she is not clear on that, then maybe you should both stay away from any relationship talk so as to avoid any LBing and guard yourselves from bitterness & resentment. I also think that if she is not ready to do so, you should both be working on a plan to help her find her own place.

Get some good sleep.
Peace,
Odyssey