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I talked to Penny, the founder of SYMC, and she has changed the Reclamation board description to include WS's who are done with the affair and trying to heal.
I've got to check that book out too - it sounds like maybe it's along the lines of what I was thinking of putting together. I think if a person searches long enough, just about everything there is to be written HAS been!!
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It appears that book has been out of print for quite some time. I should still be able to get my hands on a copy, though. Here's something interesting I found in jumping all around looking for stuff. www.aftertheaffair.net has a downloadable book for $5 that is written by a BS for the WS who wants to recommit to the marriage and heal together. It's still not something by a WS for a WS - to help them find reason to recommit...but it does seem pretty good to help in the healing process if they really do want to make the marriage work.
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August, I haven't found anywere better than here.
I thought about joining the private area at SYMC but it does say it's for people who are still in an A.
Posting here has been the best thing for me. It IS so easy for WS's to want to join a pity party but I didn't want to do that. Our MC hardly touched on the A at all, it was all about how my H and I related to each other and how to improve our M. She was a very good pro-marriage counsellor That's how I feel when I come on here. I don't want to talk about the A or the OM, I just want to focus on moving forward at all times. The problem with joining up with other WS's in private is that it inevitably leads to talking about the OP, and that is not in any way healthy. Having to keep a check on what you say sometimes is healthy I find.
When I first spoke to other WS's here we said it would be good if there was a private area we could talk but we ALL said the rules would have to be "no talk about missing the OP or anything remotely like that." Just support and understanding for what we were facing.
I do e-mail other FWW's - sometimes you do need an outlet - but they are all FWW's at the same, or similar, stage of recovery that I am. Even better is to talk privately with recovered FWW's.
When I first joined the forum I'd read all the site material and assumed the forum was for everyone wanting to rebuild their marriages. Ignorance is bliss, I guess, because it never occurred to me that the site was only for BS's - which I still believe it isn't.
Your W would be welcome here.
Jenny
<small>[ June 11, 2004, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small> is there a way u could email my ws the wife . I think she still haveing the affair. We been not living 1 year half. I don't want a divorce but it getting closer. Maybe someone can talk to her. My kids does not want this to happen.
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no real active participation by the moderators. Just for information only.... Your moderators are here EVERY day, several times a day, reading. We rarely post (as moderators) but we DO read and check our email. We get VERY few alerts. If a post or a response to a post is offensive or violates TOS---ALERT US!!!! We are not capable of personally reading every post. As moderators, we are volunteers, attempting to repay a board that helped us when we were in need. We aren't online 24/7 but do respond as soon as possible. Many times, when we do get an alert, by the time we've read it the poster has already edited his/her self or the old timers on the board have handled the problem. We are also highly discouraged from "censorship." Because a post might "personally" offend me does not mean I will automatically edit it. When we, as moderators, have a personal "opinion" or suggestion, we use our MB user names. And, FIO, most of us are still very active on the board with our regular MB user names. Blatant violations of TOS will be edited. Please, if a post offends you or if a member is getting blasted, LET US KNOW!
JustUss
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Justuss...just curious...WHAT IS you MB user names? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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WHAT IS you MB user names? I didn't promise to answer EVERY question. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
JustUss
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WHAT IS you MB user names? I didn't promise to answer EVERY question. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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August, I haven't found anywere better than here.
I thought about joining the private area at SYMC but it does say it's for people who are still in an A.
Posting here has been the best thing for me. It IS so easy for WS's to want to join a pity party but I didn't want to do that. Our MC hardly touched on the A at all, it was all about how my H and I related to each other and how to improve our M. She was a very good pro-marriage counsellor That's how I feel when I come on here. I don't want to talk about the A or the OM, I just want to focus on moving forward at all times. The problem with joining up with other WS's in private is that it inevitably leads to talking about the OP, and that is not in any way healthy. Having to keep a check on what you say sometimes is healthy I find.
When I first spoke to other WS's here we said it would be good if there was a private area we could talk but we ALL said the rules would have to be "no talk about missing the OP or anything remotely like that." Just support and understanding for what we were facing.
I do e-mail other FWW's - sometimes you do need an outlet - but they are all FWW's at the same, or similar, stage of recovery that I am. Even better is to talk privately with recovered FWW's.
When I first joined the forum I'd read all the site material and assumed the forum was for everyone wanting to rebuild their marriages. Ignorance is bliss, I guess, because it never occurred to me that the site was only for BS's - which I still believe it isn't.
Your W would be welcome here.
Jenny
<small>[ June 11, 2004, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small> is there a way u could email my ws the wife . I think she still haveing the affair. We have not been living 1 year half. I don't want a divorce but it getting closer. Maybe someone can talk to her. My kids does not want this to happen. bump
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Quote: WHAT IS you MB user names? I didn't promise to answer EVERY question. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Lemonman? Mortarman? At least I know you're not Robby... Who says you have to be a man? Pep? Melody? I give up!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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The Pregnancy/Child forum used to have a private "offspring" where you had to get permission from a Moderator to enter the site. I don't know what happened to it. I'm wondering if a similar thing couldn't be done for WSs who are truely wanting to heal and work with the Marriage Builders concepts? There are times when BSs can be helpful to WSs, but in the past there have been some pretty heated discussions between the two. There are times when former WSs can help BSs gain insight into a situation. Yet, when you are fairly new to this site or to Recovery attempts, feelings are often very raw for WSs and BSs. You need a safe place to go to where you can be supported in Marriage Builder's concepts, but also express your pain and anger and guilt and shame and...... I'm not sure if MBs would be open to this idea or not.
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The private PC forum is still there, you just cant see it unless you have permission to access it...I would suggest she go to SYMC and ask for permission to the REC board... I have thought about Pep, also CA-123, or whatever that name is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> and who else...ahhh, yes, WAT, it has to be ONE of the old timers here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Ark??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />
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Someone sardonic, well-educated, logical, straighforward, persuasive, it could be any of the above and many more. Argh!
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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I didn't promise to answer EVERY question. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Can I answer? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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Pleez, pleez, pleez... LOL
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Oh good grief...a BRAND new MB mod! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Sage, PLEASE do! THAT has got to be Pepper! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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I begged Steve to make me a moderator .... and he said ... "No way, Jose!" .... He said I am too opinionated and bossy .... harumph! Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
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Quote:
I didn't promise to answer EVERY question.
Can I answer?
--------------------
Sage, Moderator LMAO! Sage, you are as funny as Justuss!! Come on over to Idiotville, the water is warm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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begged Steve to make me a moderator .... and he said ... "No way, Jose!" .... He said I am too opinionated and bossy ....
harumph! Can't imagine WHY he thinks that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <smooches to you Pep>
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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***Deleted***
I noticed after my response that this is an old thread. Therefore I deleted my response – not applicable.
Suzet
Last edited by Suzet*; 06/13/05 09:09 AM.
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I am wondering how/why <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> this old thread was brought back up.
Susan
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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