WW said she was meeting a friend for lunch. Which she was, but she left mighty early. (She said she went to have dinner with her last week, but she didn't she went to see OM before he flew back to Vegas,

I took my DS to get a haircut, and walked down the way into a drug store to get a bottle of water. When I came out I noticed WW car parked and running. She didn't see me, she was busy talking on the phone. I opened the door and said hello. She said she was waiting for her friend. I asked who she was talking to and she said, "Can't I talk to my sister!" I said sure, and asked if I could say hello. She said NO. I asked if it was OM. She said no, it was her sister, but she wouldn't let me say hello. My heart was breaking. I told her I loved her, despite what was going on. She just looked out the windshield and hummed into the phone.

Was I LB'ing? I know she is calling him all the time. Her cell phone is in her name, so i cant know records.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

cwmac

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

Family,

My heart breaks for you everytime I read one of your posts. I'm so sorry that your wife is one of the fogged spouses that acts so callously. No I don't think you are LBing....I think you are doing amazingly well under the circumstances.

Please consider doing a couple of things that will help you. See about getting some anti-depressants so that you can cope without getting so sad that you feel desperate. Also, there is excellent coaching available both on this site as well as on SYMC. Please give either the Harleys or Penny a call.

What do you know about the OM at this point? Is he married? Can you get his email account or phone number? If he's not married, you may want to contact him directly and let him know how the A is affecting you. Not everyone can do this without LBing...and most OPs are not receptive....but there is the occasion where it helps. Have you spoken to her parents about this?

When spouses are particularly cruel about their affairs...a shorter Plan A is in order. Please start getting your ducks in a row and prepare to move to Plan B after completing exposure okay? Start looking at what separation would look like from a logistical standpoint. Your wife is most likely one of the spouses that needs to really see the fantasy vanish and experience the inability of the OM to meet all of her needs...that may require letting giving her the freedom to pursue the fantasy before she can recognize it for what it is.

Continue in the meantime to address those issues about your marriage that you know have contributed to the vulnerability.

I have you in my prayers. If you'd like to contact me directly.... starfish4729@hotmail.com I would be happy to offer what support I can. I mentor couples for Penny at symc and am in the process of getting my coaching certification.

(((((((((((family)))))))))))))

ty

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Starfish, Thanks. I keep meaning to go to the Dr. But can never seem to make it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Plan B is divorce. I can't force her out and if I leave, she will say I abandoned the family in Divorce court. He lives in Vegas, to realize her fantasy is only a fantasy she needs our marital assets to go out there, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm trying to get ahold of myself but... losing my grip.

This has been the longest month of my life, even WW admits she just started feeling this overwhelming anger and resentment beginning May.

The OM I think he would laugh, he is single and is using my wife.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 11:38 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Hey CW...I'm interested also....

Family,

Plan B is not divorce. Of course you can't force her out, and neither should you leave. But that's not the only option. Given her feelings, she may willingly desire a separation. If you wait until she just moves out....you lose considerable advantage since she's done it on her own terms. If you email me, I'll give you my number and we can talk.

Why should you feel humiliated, when it's he (and your wife) who is breaking up your family? Sometimes pride can work against you in situations like this....that's why Harley admits that most of this stuff is counter-intuitive. What feels right....is not always the best strategy for ending affairs.

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 11:54 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

family - Listen to starfish. She is an expert and always gives the best advice.

Also you are depressed and no wonder. Get to the doctor and get some anti-D's. They HELP. Your kids need you. Get busy and don't be miserable.

My God, ... WW just came home from her "lunch"

Came in with the same scowl, I was cleaning the garage out (something she's wanted and was overdue), and the silent treatment. I asked her if she wanted anything that was in this stack of boxes we had been saving. She said "I don't want anything"

She went inside. I came in about 45 minutes later and signed on to MB. Something I can't keep away from even with all the misery I read on here. She came out on the porch where I was, and laid it to me. I asked the kids to pray for God to show us what we should do to save our family and to let us recognize his message to us. (they both go to catholic school - something that will have to end if We get a D) She told me there was never going go be an us, never was an us, we were over, and there is no family. AND IT was all my fault. She said her Attny told her $3000 to get the divorce. She said she doesn't want to see me, and I won't leave.

I replied that we still have a family. she said blame the ending of the family on her, she doesn't care. I told her I wasn't blaming her for anything. She looked me straight in the eye and said I want a divorce, and I want you out of my life, I want to be happy again. She only looks at me now when she wants to give me the zingers.

I didn't say anything, and she walked out and left the house. My daughter came out and apologized for telling mom we were praying for the family.

Sorry if it sounds like he said, she said.
I have to work tomorrow, I work 24 hour shifts. It will be a hard tour of duty.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 11:40 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

oh yeah, told my daughter she has nothing to be apologetic for, she didn't do anything. Mom wants to be mad and not take what she says to heart. She does love her.

FamilyMan, my prayers are with you.

My God, ... WW just came home from her "lunch"

Family man. Reading that post makes me angry for you. The ruthless, heartless talk she gave you sounds like things that my wife would say. It is unbelievable that she can talk to you that way. Keep taking the high road in this and don't let anger take you over. Anger is more destructive than its cause. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. Let the blood be on her hands. Give yourself time to really think about yourself and take care of yourself. She is not there for you anymore, at least for now. She sounds far gone to me. I am sure that her behavior will only be temporary, but it may be best to steer clear of her for now. For your own sanity. JMHO. I will pray for you.

cwmac

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: cwmac ]</small>

.....

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Family - Well this is about how WS's operate. Keep praying with your kids, and keep posting here. This is going to be very hard for you. But stick with us, we will help you through this.

Took another beating. Daggummit, I kept my mouth shut through all the theatrics of her being there for me and always trying to make me the happiest man in the world, while I was a great DAD but was never there, and never had a good day for the last 10 years.

She had the folder of questions our Counselor had given her to fill out. She said she had a problem ... she didn't trust me not to look at it if she filled it out. Said she couldn't hide it anywhere. (I wouldn't have looked but I guess I can understand her "concern")
But, and I know this is judgemental, she seemed like she was just looking for a reason to not fill it out and blame it on me. I took the blame, asked her what I could do..... of course there was NOTHING I could do, nor did she want ANYTHING from me except for me to be as far away as I could.

Also told me she can't make our next MC session. Can I reschedule it for her.

I had asked her yesterday about when we had scheduled the appointment because I saw she had other plans on the calandar. She immediately accused me checking on her, and so forth. I explained that I thought that perhaps I remembered our MC session on the wrong day. (Having difficulty remembering things lately) My WS was the one that picked the day so she would know best. Of course it was just another reason to beat me down. And she did.

Don't know which I hate more, the silent treatment where she just ignores everyone in the house, or the when she actually tears me apart through "conversation."

The worst part, she says she knows how I feel, she's been there herself. I told her I don't know exactly how she felt before, but she cannot know that it is the same because I never went outside our marriage. I may have been unhappy but never did what she did.

OK, WW is on porch on her cell phone. Suspect it's OM. Should I just stay away or go ahead and ask her? Not scared of knowing, but am a little reluctant to feel her wrath. Brrrrrr

Is it LB'ing if you make it difficult for WW to "deceive" me? She's always talking D, and always stepping on my throat. (figuratively) I just take it.

1Fam,

I am SO where you are it is just wierd. I know it doesn't help, because reading your posts don't help me. But man, it is all SO familiar. Everything you said. I have been trying to figure out what the hell is going on. It is like looking at the end of my life.

lately I feel like (and have nightmares very similar) an aircraft that has been hit and is coming apart on it's spiral downward. I feel out of control and helpless. Like my life is coming to an end. My kids are all that keep me here.

I think this could be a helpful site for me. I just have trouble focusing. My mind is completely occupied by my situation, anything else has to take what little bit is left. It is all I think about 24/7. I have a 5 yr old Son and a 14 yr old Son and a home to take care of on top of running a business (Which I feel I am "running" into the ground since September) and helping with my parents. They are 79 yrs old and Dad has Altzheimers and Mom is physically HC.

Whoa! I am really spouting off. I just wanted to say "Hang in there". The best of luck you Bro.

CJ

Very normal behavior for a WS. I think you need to protect yourself by staying out of her way. Work will be good for you.

Why do I keep doing it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>