|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
Fact is, nicotine is addictive. Heroin is addictive. interesting tid-bit... heroin addicts do not chase the drug heroin for the high they get.. there goal as they will tell you in their own words is to RECREATE the FIRST heroin encounter.. the FEELINGS of euphoria and brain-chemical reactions as never experienced before...and can never be experienced again .. crack cocaine hits the brain so hard that it is almost instantly addictive...yet the goal to recreate that rush....futile... there are no second firsts...yet that is the demon they chase.... nicotine purges from the system with in 24 hours...the addiction is not to nicotine..the addiction is to the feelings, actions, and routine of smoking... cigarette after eating cigarette with am coffee...etc... the drug gone.. the longing for the feelings of the drug...strong .. the recreation of the shadow of those feelings and experience.... addiction is NOT an excuse.... it does not lessen accountability it does not excuse anything... but the brain likes certain chemical reactions... seeks pleasure avoids pain... don't disregard the function of the power of the brain.... for lack of better term perhaps addiction applies... never does it excuse... ARK who loves people for their minds..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and sometimes inspite of them... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
Thank you all for your encouraging words. I do feel a lot stronger now than ever. I have more things to focus on than just my WH. He has chosen his path now and whether he choses to come back home to his family, that is up to him now. I have done all I can and now it is all on his shoulders. We are going camping this Thursday, just me and the boys and two of my dogs. I will have to board the big ones. I am really looking forward to it and so are the boys. My DS5 has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, so most of my time and energy is spent on caring for him and tyring to find the right assistance. he also has dyslexia. Double Whammy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> KS2001, I must disagree with your analysis of an A. It may be the WS choice in the beginning to wonder outside the boundries of their marriage, but it becomes an addiction that is hard to break afterwards. Just as using drugs, it is the person's CHOICE to use them initialy, but once they get "hooked" it is hard to stop. My H WANTS to be home with his family, but he is confused and yes he is "addicted" to this OW. I cannot do anything else, but be the lighthouse for him at this point. I have showed him the kind of woman I have become and how much I love him, but I cannot make my husband happy. He has to make himself happy! And if he is happy with this OW, then I must let him go. I must move on with MY life now. I cannot be caught in this web any longer. He has to let me go as well.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,342
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,342 |
Mom, I respect you so much for your strength and courage. I'm not sure I would have been able to hold out the way you have.
I am so sorry to hear about your son's diagnosis of bipolar. How did they determine that? The info I have is that the average age of onset for bipolar is 20. Your son is so young, I just am really curious how that diagnose was made and who made that diagnosis.
Anyway, have a great time camping. My thoughts and prayers are with you. CV
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
k, About addiction....let me leave you with this bit of science about love....it's been published by all the major news agencies as well as science publications. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Cupid's chemicals Flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat and clammy hands are some of the outward signs of being in love. But inside the body there are definite chemical signs that cupid has fired his arrow. When it comes to love it seems we are at the mercy of our biochemistry. One of the best known researchers in this area is Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey. She has proposed that we fall in love in three stages. Each involving a different set of chemicals. Stage 1: LUST Lust is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and oestrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women. These hormones as Helen Fisher says "get you out looking for anything". Stage 2: ATTRACTION
This is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.
In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:
Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing
Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane. Stage 3: ATTACHMENT This is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. People couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they'd never get any work done! Attachment is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children. Important in this stage are two hormones released by the nervous system, which are thought to play a role in social attachments: Oxytocin - This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also helps the breast express milk. It helps cement the strong bond between mother and child. It is also released by both sexes during orgasm and it is thought that it promotes bonding when adults are intimate. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes Vasopressin - Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is an important controller of the kidney and its role in long-term relationships </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> <small>[ June 14, 2004, 10:09 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380 |
Hi mom, I haven't posted to you in a while but I can't say I am surprised at dad's return to the OW.My WH has gone back too to the homewrecker so many times and is convinced that he needs a break from our marriage but is not tired of being with ME. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That's another for the fog speak column.I told him that he can't pretend that we aren't married and then want to have me in his life as some friend! Pishaw! No way Mr.Cake eater. Anyway,just wanted to let you know that my prayers are also with you.I know you have been through the ringer with this man but I too hear much more strength and resolve in you since the beginning.You are much more assured in what you want and what you need.Kudos to you! Have a fun trip with the kids! O
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
Awww, Mom <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I saw the title of this post and I thought "No way!"
Like the others, I hear you sounding strong and positive - you are an amazing woman. I agree, it's up to Dad now. He knows the rules, he knows what he needs to do.
He wrote a NC letter the first time - did he ever quit the Nursing Home job? What extraordinary precautions would help him avoid contact next time? Or is that a question only Dad can answer?
Enjoy your camping trip! I've been camping alone with the 4 kids (no dogs) and it was a lot of fun. Relaxing but busy at the same time. It will be a tonic for you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
I fogot to answer somone ealrier. Does WH and OW still read this board. As far as I know, OW NEVER read it to begin with. WH never read it at home, but I do think he got on it at work and read it once. But I dont think he does anymore. I dont know.. he knows I am posting very frequently over at the other place and I never let him know that site. He just knows the initials, but the site is hard to find if you dont know the name of it. haha! But if he reads here, so be it. If I do go dark again, I will stop posting...but right now I am fine where I am. I am strong and keeping myself busy. I've got a sitter lined up for the rest of the week to give me some "me" time and then we are off to our trip. I am also doing some home improvements around the house. Hanging blinds, gardening, carpet cleaning, etc... CV55, I will get back at you on that diganoses. We had extensive testing done...but in the meantime you can check out Bipolar Kids for a little insight! <small>[ June 14, 2004, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: momto3boys ]</small>
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by turtlehead: <strong> He wrote a NC letter the first time - did he ever quit the Nursing Home job? What extraordinary precautions would help him avoid contact next time? Or is that a question only Dad can answer? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, he never quit it and that is one of the biggest obstacles here. I have asked him to quit it all and move. But he refuses to do it. his choice. He says he is not going to give something up that he worked so hard to make...hmmm, says a lot for our marriage huh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> If he doesn't come around, I will be moving closer to my family. I have no-one here except WH and I never really liked this place. It is a constant reminder of what has happened and I need to get away from that. He has some hard decisions to make if he wants back into this family. But right now he has chosen his path, but I will not be apart of his circle any longer. He is not going to take me and my boys down with him.!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
Mom,
GOSH you have your head on straight!
As Chris(CA123) likes to say - it is simple, but it is not easy.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,842 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by turtlehead: <strong> Mom, GOSH you have your head on straight! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you really think so? I feel like it is spinning right now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,083 |
Mom - I have some experience managing bi-polar in family members. ***edit***
Last edited by JustUss; 10/11/10 09:25 AM. Reason: email address removed
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 598
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 598 |
Mom,
YOu are sounding strong and you KNOW that you are doing the right thing. I will think of you and pray for you to stay in that place. Don't worry if you get upset, angry, etc. again and question yourself. Know that you are doing right here. Your H will get it or not, as you said, you don't control it.
Have a great time camping and strengthening the habits of taking care of yourself and your boys.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
251
guests, and
76
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,490
Members71,959
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
