You were funny.

I know I owe a big debt being the WS. Believe me I know. I can't have some things that are either hard to share, or maybe I want to share them myself? You have been and will continue to be ( I am sure of it) a great help to everyone. Why do I suddenly feel very judged by you Pepperband? Why don't you just tell me what you really think? I should be able to take it if I am already sharing as much as I have, right? Thanks.

Originally posted by runawaypot:
Why do I suddenly feel very judged by you Pepperband? Why don't you just tell me what you really think?

I don't know ~why~ you feel how you feel.

I am not concerned about your feelings about me ... which may change daily.

I am more concerned with you becoming a happily married woman. I care for your eventual healing and recovery.

If you feel judged, you feel that way.

I never argue with people about their feelings. Feelings just are..

I don't matter anyway .. your H matters. your M matters.

Right?

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Of course my H matters. And what I think of you does not matter. It has not changed. I just think la de da has a different meaning that you are not willing to say. That was more my question to you than anything, but you know that anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

To RAP:

SEE!

You are special. I love you. You mean everything to me! You are the most important person in my life. I know it is emotionally hard for you right now and your feelings are all in a mess. Look what you just did to Pepperband!

It is good that a person is concerned with how people think of them, or feel about them for that keeps them from trampling everyone they meet. You don't have to worry about that because you worry too much about it!

You are very caring. Remember the sheets I gave you about the things I love most about you? They are TRUE. You are caring TOO MUCH and it makes you so concerned that you are always emotionally beaten down.

What do you care if Pepperband is judging you? You are who you are and PLENTY of people think you are wonderful. You are trying your best. Pepperband made you feel a little judged and you just put up a wall that I am very familiar with. Pepperband could be some snot-nosed, pre-pubescent teen giggling and laughing at us on his mom's computer for all you know. (No offense, Pepperband)

What do you care what Pepperband says? If it seems wise, pray about it, get confirmation from the Spirit, and go with it. If it doesn't seem wise, or you don't get confirmation, don't sweat it. Pepperband will be the first to confess fallibility. And if Pepperband says something wrong, it DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE BAD. It probably just means Pepperband is lacking some information or is walking alone (I mean w/out God) when it is said. Heck, most people that say hard words out of love really CARE. That means you are SPECIAL to them, not the other way around.

When I say something wrong to you - and I frequently do - do you get all upset and feel bad? Heck no. My little Irish wife straps on the gloves and bloodies my nose. You can clearly recognize when a thing said is said out of hurt, or without God, or with some ulterior motive because you spot it in me in a second. (Again, not accusing you Pepperband, just trying to make sense to RAP).

We are all going to be treated unfair emotionally in our lives. But there are only two people who would do ANYTHING to pick you back up - God and me. You have been pushing both of us away.

I know you may not believe it, but it IS true. I am sorry for the stupid things I do. I know it sometimes feels that I don't care. We are both hurting. But until you step out and put your trust and your heart where it belongs (with me and God) you are running a very big risk of it being trampled. The rest of the world absolutely CANNOT care as much as I do. They don't KNOW you and LOVE you as much as I do. My love and God's love are both there patiently waiting for you. It will be freely given, as much as you can stand. All you have to do is recieve it.

Remember from church: sometimes the enemy will give you something good to keep you from the best.

ncwalker

Pepperband,

Are you a BS? And I do appreciate your posts, sincerely.

NCWalker,

You know I love you. This is getting hard. You take the high road here on MB, and then we both live with reality. I am sorry, but I can't do this here like this anymore. Yea, I am sensitive now. I am sorry. You are too. You just are able to look a lot better at it than I do.

I just think la de da has a different meaning that you are not willing to say.

ooooooooh!

HA!

Nooooooooooo

la de da

in the movie Annie Hall .... is something Annie mutters to herself when she cannot think of something else to say....

Haven't you seen that movie?

RENT IT!

You'll "crack up" (inside joke ... Susan and I are idiots right now) with laughter.

la de da .... I've been puting that where I might delete a post... just for fun. YOURS is not the first thread where I put that after I deleted... usually after a double post.

Pep

Thanks Pepperband. Not doing any of this well right now. Sorry.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by runawaypot:
<strong> Pepperband,

Are you a BS? And I do appreciate your posts, sincerely. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are 8 years recovered.

Yes. BS.

But so beyond that label now...

I use my humor A LOT recently.

How about this...

Try to assume I think well of you every time I post to you.

I do not post to people I think are hopeless. Waste of my time.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by runawaypot:
<strong> Thanks Pepperband. Not doing any of this well right now. Sorry. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ezzz ok

no worries

take it easy

stress is harmful

relax

take time for yourself

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ncwalker:
<strong>Pepperband could be some snot-nosed, pre-pubescent teen giggling and laughing at us on his mom's computer for all you know.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now THAT'S a vision!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
WAT

everything fits in this description ... but the age....

Honey... I am OLD I tell ya. OLDER than WAT!!!

And WAT's 50!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Pep,IS NOT OLD,

Weathered perhaps, but NOT OLD. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

RAP, you need to understand something and I hope Empty Vessel will as well. People here very rarely judge, but they do make assessments. But they are not usually assessments of what you have done, but of your potential to do much better in the future. If it is felt you cannot or will not change then most will make the assessment that working with you is not worth the effort.

That is what Pep is saying and what most of "old timers" really think. If you want help, you will get help. Not everything you hear will be to your liking, but it is NOT said to hurt you. There is no point of being here if it is hurting someone.

I really hope that Empty Vessel comes back and reads this thread. And I hope that you understand that most of the people are trying to help you and your H.

must go.

God Bless,

JL

I know everyone is trying to help. You are right. I don't even know you all, and you have given your time. It is hard to believe. I don't want to waste it so I may sometimes stay silent. I want to make it through, but sometimes I question how badly. No, I do want to do this thing right. Selfishly, I am just so da** tired of the pain right now. My sweet H is too. Gotta go get the kiddos. God bless.

Broken Vessel,

Where are ya?

RAP, just wanted to let you know that you don't need to worry about Pepperband. She is safe. I know you don't know her yet, but she really is one of the giants on this board. She is not snarky and she is not mean and has been a tremendous help to many on this board.

There is great wisdom in her words and she can be a enormous help to you. So please hang tight with us and don't rule out Pep, she is one of the people I would want to post to me if I were in your shoes. Really.

pep - Oh no, am I hopeless??????

Runaway - Well you have been posting and listening. You may find you get tired after too much MB. It is a lot to absorb.

And wait until you are our resident former WW. Then everyone will want input from you. So rest up.

Melody Lane,
Thanks for the input on Pep. Anyone with such a since of humor is a keeper anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just PLEASE stop me when I am sensitive. I really want to stop that. HELP!

Believer,
Thanks for all your advice too. It can be a little overwhelming to take this all in at once, but it is also a breath of fresh air. Anything to not follow the OMs lead or care about his opinion of me not being able to handle an A.

My H and I just got back from MC. It is like tearing down a building to start from scratch. We are blessed to have the most wonderful, God-loving, INCREDIBLE couple to counsel us. The truth can be a good old painful slap in the face, but, oh it is better than lies and deception. I feel like even the worst correction is a cool breeze on me right now. Weird, huh?

Would love to go for a walk, but a no-no right now. In time... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You go girl. Just wait til you are all recovered and EVERYONE will want your input. You may end up with carpel-tunnel syndrome from all of the typing.

I hope you're doing better than you were when you wrote "not doing so well on all these things". I know in how much pain you're in.

I've been there too. Some will know me as Francis (my login got all messed up). I was the WW. I was so out of my mind over this guy thatI think given the chance, I might have left my children with my husband to be with OM. How sick is that?

Let me tell you what I think of that man now. (History: married 13 years, two kids, two income suburban family. I had an affair with someone I met on the internet in 1999 and told my husband about it. He forgave me. But I seemed bent on destroying my life. And I was. The unfortunate thing is I took my children down with me.)

What do I think of R now? I'm not even passonately in hate with him. I have no fond memories whatsoever because though I wouldn't admit it then, he used me big time! Yes, I had a choice...but as JL said...he had practice!

When I think of R, I think of the biggest mistake of my life on so many levels. But five years later, and I can definitely tell you I'm over him. It really did hurt like hell for a while (he broke it off!) and then it got better. And then I began to see him for the scoundrel he was. What a fool I was! And then I started working less on hating him and working more on loving me. But this is just the abridged version, of course.

Bottom line from someone who's been in your very shoes AND MADE THE WRONG CHOICE, stay in your marriage. Let the hours turn into days which turn into weeks and months and soon, your OM will not be so attractive! I promise you that.

Give it over to God. For the last year or two, I've been doing a lot of that. I figure, he knows waaaaaaay better than me what's good for me.

Living clean, with values is the only ticket in town. I know you're hurting. It used to hit me in the gut ... that's where I felt the physical ache, the pain, the anxiety.

But it will get better. You're making the right choice by staying with your husband.

Take good care,
Francis