I've decided that WH has to move out by this Friday. I need him out before I leave for Dallas Saturday morning. This will be the first of DD's competitions he's ever missed in 7 years.

I've sorta covered my bases by inviting DD's boyfriend, my sister, and my biological mother. (Bio mom thing is a L-O-N-G story. Basically, I was adopted/raised by her parents. She & I have never been close - - we're VERY different people. Recently starting to have a cautious relationship w/ her.) Anyway, I'm sorta surrounding myself w/ people so I won't be sad that WH isn't there. I'm also hoping this will help DD deal w/ his absence.

WH called when he got home. He was mad about something that happened at work, so he & his co-workers were going out drinking. Didn't know when he would be home. I hate this crap!!! I'm almost looking forward to his moving out. I won't have to worry about where he is, or who he's talking to, or when he'll be home. It really is just too much for anyone to take for long.

I'll miss the he!! out of him, but maybe I'm just missing the guy he used to be - the one I fell in love with. THIS guy is NOT the one I fell in love with. That guy would have never hurt me or his daughter like this.

No matter what WH has done, it really hurts to think about him leaving. I've loved him more than 1/2 of my life and been his best friend longer than that. I have to focus on myself and my daughter now. I can't count on WH anymore. I wonder if he'll be home tonight? This morning he asked me how to get his lights turned on at his apt. (lights & phone are in my name at our apt.) I told him I did that 19 years ago and didn't remember. I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to stay at his new apt tonight. That's okay.

hi L&A- my h has been gone for 6 weeks. rarely hear from him. is introducing ow to his family. says he plans to file but has no $$. like getting a D and a new family will grow a money tree??still doesn't tell anyone in business/friends etc that he is gone. I get that job. our sons suffer greatly-feeling replaced by a young d and ow. twisted and sick and I pray for his soul. he is so lost. you are not alone. 25 years here too. how do they just turn it off? amazing.

do you ever go to ladies chat?
http://www.san-andreas.com/mbladies/chat.php

PEACE OUT

I stayed out late last night w/ at bio-mom's house w/ DD & her boyfriend. (I kinda feel like I've adopted the guy.) When I got home, WH was asleep. He woke up later and told me that had spoken to OW on the phone earlier that afternoon. He was upset. She said her H is asking her to quit the band too. (Well, Duh!)
WH said he's still moving to his apt even though he doesn't know where he'll get the first month's rent or if he'll be able to pay his bills. I just said, "OKAY, it's your decision."

WH called me from work this morning. He just wanted to talk. He said he's having a really bad day...can't concentrate, wants to cry, etc. I asked if he took his Lexapro last night. He said he had. Even though he brought most of this on himself, I still feel really sorry for him. I wish I could help, but he's on his own there.

I think WH should move out for several reasons: A. I don't want him to stay just because he can't afford to leave, or to let himself think that's why he stayed.
B. I think he needs to get out "there" without me for a while. He'll either miss me and want to come back, or he won't miss me and we both move on with our lives. At least he'll be off the proverbial fence.

Believe it or not, I am looking forward to this weekend at DD's competition in Dallas. I'm sure I'll miss WH, especially when all the other parents & coaches ask where he is, but it'll be okay. I predict that WH will really regret not going. He enjoyed these trips more than any of us.

DD & I are back from her skating competition. She got first in her event in the region. It's really too bad WH wasn't there. He called us 4-5 times every day to see how things were going. While we were gone, he spent 2 nights in his new apt. He said he just has a bed w/ a sheet, an alarm clock, a shower curtain, and one towel.

DD & I got back Monday night. WH spent Mon & Tues nights at our apt. He told me this morning that he'll spend tonight at his apt. I said that was fine, but he should go ahead and take ALL of his stuff. He can't just stay wherever he wants to when he wants to. CRAZY!

This is where I need direction.....Should I continue in Plan A for a few more weeks (perhaps til the end of July), and then go to Plan B? I've been in Plan A for 6 months now. I hate to quit Plan A so soon after OW told WH that she was staying w/ her husband. (BTW, she has supposedly quit the band at her husband's request.)

Or, should I go directly to Plan B when WH moves out this week? I feel like he won't really "get it" until I completely break all ties w/ him and give him a chance to really "miss" us and realize what he's doing.

What d'ya think?

Hey there,

I think now is a great time for Plan B. Plan B should come as a shock, and lest he gets used to the idea of talking to you every day, but living on his own...having to live on his own and NOT being able to talk with you will be MORE of a shock...

BUT, it is VITAL you talk with the OWH, right now, today. What are you afraid of, he will be mad at you, or you'll hear it from WH (he's trained you TOO well). Time to get over your fear and CALL him. Plan A is not fully implemented until you have exposed this A to the most important person yet...and if you don't expose to OWH, you will regret it later when contact begins again...

Time to ask for your key back too, he doesn't get to walk back into the apt whenever he wants...he lost that privilege when he moved out. He can call to get his stuff. Or do you need to change the locks?

BTW, congratulations on your DD's achievements. It has taken hard work and commitment by both your DD and you.

SHMI,
Okay, I know, I know. Yes, for some reason, I am very scared to call OWH. He does know about the affair.

What EXACTLY do I need to tell him?

Oh, I forgot to mention this...WH called about an hour ago to tell me that he was working late. Then, he asked if I was making anything for supper. I told him I thought he was staying at his apt tonight. He said, "Yeh, but I'm coming there (my apt) first to shower and eat." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I told him I wasn't cooking and that he had to decide where he wanted to live. He couldn't hop from one apt to the other at his convenience. He sorta laughed and said, "I'll see ya later."

Okay, guys, what do I need to tell OWH. He knows about the affair. If I call him, that just gives OW a reason to call WH to tattle on me. I don't think OWH will keep the call between us.

What EXACTLY is the point of my call to him?

Tell him the truth. Look what she's done to you. I'm so sick of this kind of crap. Not towards you, but you and I are too much alike, we worry endlessly about what these 2 pigs are going to feel like when we take matters into our own hands. She probably never told her husband everything. If there was no solid proof, I can just about guarantee you she didn't. You tell him the truth, if he's rude to you hang up. If your husband calls you screaming, hang up & tell him that you won't be speaking to him til he decides to act like an adult. He's acting like a petulant child. I know that look. That's what I'm putting a stop to in my own life. I'll bet you're always the first to apologize, you try to fix everything and do everything and make everything perfect. You love your man no matter what he does or says and he's not that bad, he just acts like a big baby when he doesn't get his way. Pardon the ugliness, but it's time to be a b---h. Call the husband and tell him everything you know if he'll listen. Then when your husband calls screaming, don't listen to one word - first raised word gets hung up on. He'll stomp around screaming for a few days & when he doesn't get you petting him because he's being an a-----e, he'll call you being nice & act like nothing happened. Trust me, I mean, I'd hate to be wrong & you get upset at me, but I know this man. He just looks a little different than mine does. Go for it girl. Tell it all!

You introduce yourself, tell him who's W you are, and tell him his W and your H are having (have had?) an A. Tell him what proof you have. Ask him if there is anything he has seen. If you begin to talk you can compare notes. This may be the first time he has heard...if so, be prepared for him not to take it well.

Leave the lines of communication open, invite him to call you, leave your number, ask if you can call him.

If he's angry or abusive, get off the phone, quick...no apologies.

Be prepared for the fallout...but it's OK, this NEEDS to happen.

Then time for PLAN B and setting firm boundaries, no more visits to YOUR apt...