Dinner was good at parents.
laughed with sisters and
had a relaxed time, no thoughts
of OM! Yeah!
JL-I know I will never forget
what happened-it is part of my
past-& I accept that. I tell
myself it is what made me change
for the better. I am now back to
school full time to get my degree
in journalism. I do some freelance
work for local newspaper-I am doing
what I love. It took going thru all
the crap to get me to this point.
I have a bday in a month-I told
husband I will not be sad to see 43
go-it was an emotional year from hell.
I will actually be glad to turn 44
& move forward. I am so thankful
to be here with others that understand
& the best part-I feel normal for
feeling the way I do at times. I
live in a small town-under a microscope-
no one knows anything-not my family.
just a couple of very close friends.
I couldnt take the judgement. I am
just feeling the comfort of others-
and hope to help any WW that is struggling.
pal

PAL, I'm so pleased you're finding this thread and these lovely ladies helpful.

Lisa, what an intriguing questing you asked Pam. You're not thinking of me are you. Remember I confessed to where, when and how on that ghastly, wish I could forget it, thread of cwmac's.

Jenny

Edited to add: When the post took me back I saw the title again. Duh. Sometimes I'm a bit slow. Is that why you are asking?

<small>[ June 24, 2004, 11:47 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Did someone say my name? My ears were burning? Oh just KiwiJ admitting to her past again? lol

cwmac

Kiwi,
I noticed a bit of paraphrasing in my Tempted Women post. I'll contact my copyright lawyer.

Ahh, never mind. I'm just glad it helped you. Didn't realize it was your "turning point."

cwmac

RAP...I was skimming over your thread and wanted to ask you a question that may have already been asked here. Did you and xOM have sex in his car?

ok RAP...please excuse thatlast post...My computer froze up on me last night when I sent this and I didn't think that it went...I'm not as crazy as I seem, or maybe I am <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Maybe a few more cups of coffee will do the trick! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

RAP..I would love to talk to you about it because our cases are so similar. The reason that I asked you about the car is that I too had sex with xOM in many places including both of our cars. His car is a painful trigger because of the reason among others. Thankfully I won't be having to see it much longer here at work every day!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Unfortunately, I will be working right down the street from where I am now so there will still be the chance of seeing him or his car still.

RAP...I do wish that I had the nerve to tell his W about his indescretions but I never could muster up enough courage to do it. I don't want to hurt her and I guess I'm a coward!!

kiwiJ. I totally understand RAP's hesitation for not wanting to disclose personal details such as that. I too have tried to forget these things and how I did allow him to use me. But I can tell RAP and I know that you can too, this too will pass!!

Lisa, I must step in here, after reading so many post from BS and I know you have as well, you see the pain they suffer, you know the pain that is caused by an A, yet you said,

I do wish that I had the nerve to tell his W about his indescretions but I never could muster up enough courage to do it. I don't want to hurt her and I guess I'm a coward!!

He has had many A, correct, do you think this is his last one???? Has he been held accountable for any of his actions, regarding his M and his W???

Do you think she will feel protected by you, or betrayed by you for not telling her??? It is her life the poor woman, give her the option to decide to continue with this PIG!!!

Are you really sparing her feelings??? Or just hiding her H flaws and enabling him to cont. his lousy behavior. Don't protect this man. Loose the loyality.

Was that a 2x4???? Oooh, I hope it wasn't to harsh.
KY
P.S.
Gosh, I hate my serious side....

jelly...it was a 2 x 4 but not harsh. You are right I know but I can't do it.

Okay, just thought I would get it out there. Poor lady, M to a serial cheater and doesn't even know. Or chooses not to know.

I'm sorry he got you tangled in his messy little web.

I burnt the 2x4, it will never be used again.
KY

no need to burn the 2 x 4 jelly. You are absolutely right and I wish that I had the courage to tell her, she deserves better.

Too late done, I was craving smores, and needed the fire.....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jelly

I get hungry every time I read your posts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Lisa did you say fudge??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm sorry I thought I heard fudge.

I better quit, I've all ready been accused - rightly so, of turning another thread ADD style - it isn't ADD, it is pure sugar buzz. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gosh, I'm in such a good place and I never felt I would be ever again.

It is so hard coming thought that dark tunnel of withdrawal and self condemnation. I feel I have finally reached the end of that tunnel, and the view here is beautiful.

Follow the light ladies, come find me, I have fudge. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

KY

Okay KY4,

No more talk about chocolate. Cannot resist...

Also, I want to come through the tunnel! Tell me it CAN be done...again! Also, I have not told his W. I feel just like Lisa103. My kids might be in their kids class next year, same neighborhood, etc. It is not as much the shame, as I truly believe she might believe whatever he told her. Smooth, smooth. It is also selfish b/c he might smear me really well to get her to believe it. I don't know what I will do.

still deciding...but so chicken!

Lisa 103,
Please forgive me if I seem skittish about details. It is not as much about the shame as I am paranoid about the whole thing. People knowing, me looking as stupid as I was, etc.

We had sex in his truck one time. The first time.
He wanted to have it somewhere even worse(to me). When he started to kiss me, etc, I panicked. I kept saying, "I can't do this." And I would pull away. He kept saying, "Yes you can." Back and forth. Then it got worse. Suggestions or better yet directions on what I could do if I were not willing to have intercourse.(You have got to remember. I was with only one man, my H, until then. Was actually a little scared by it all-dumb,dumb.) I finally told him I could not and needed to go home. He walked me back to his truck where he was going to drive me back to mine. I felt so guilty during the walk back. Felt like a tease. Did not want him to be angry.(Can you believe it?) I told him I felt like he was angry. And he said he was just dissappointed. He thought we had come to an agreement that we both wanted this.
Got in his truck. Felt like cr**. I then offered to follow through. I still feel sick about that first time. How could I see him in a good light after that? He of course kept calling me saying he was worried how I was after how it went. Blah, blah, blah. I bought it. I feel more sick over my stupidity than almost anything. I feel horrible over hurting my H, but right now I have no self-esteem. I still hate how he must think of me. Yuck.

Anyway, enough venting. I have more to say, but I don't know if I can do it now. Need help. Need to get ready for 2x4s. I am also really struggling with feelings of hate.

I know that is dangerous. God does not want me to do that. I know it will only hurt me. How do I forgive this man? I asked him so many times to not pursue me b/c I knew I could not handle it right then. I know that sounds weak. I was weak. I am not proud of myself. I know I still had the ability to walk away. I was hoping for honor from a man that did not want to show any. Has made me take a look at H. I think I expected honor from OM because my H is so much that way. Thought it must be pretty natural for most men.

NOT TRUE!. I know my H is an exception, and of course all the BS who are males here. You all are wonderful too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pam

Ladies,

I thought I might interject a thought about telling the OM's W. It seems to be more the norm that the BS tells the other BS. I suspect it can be more easily done and accepted. Further, if you encourage your H to do this, it is often interpretted as YOU really letting go of this by burning a bridge.

It is something you might want to discuss with your spouse.

On one of the last posts, it was mentioned that they felt all men were like her H, a man of honor.

I was thinking of these posts last night, and of the struggle you all are having letting go of OM in your mind. I had an interesting thought for you to consider, when you consider the merits of OM or even an OW in the case of males.

If you were married to OM, you would NEVER have a chance to have an affair with your now H. On the other hand, while married to your H, you could and did have a chance to have an affair with the OM. Doesn't that sort of tell you something? The asymmetry of it, I thought was interesting and very telling.

So as you deal with your OM, just remember he was "easy" to get, your H would NOT have been. I am not saying that they would NEVER have an affair, I am saying that their predilections are to stay away from other peoples marriages and to hang in even when hurt.

Just a thought, something for you all to consider.

Must go, I have a lot of work to do today.

God Bless,

JL

Thank you JL.

As usual, your post is very helpful. My H and I have discussed him telling the OMS W. It would be the best option. Still chicken. Need to address it again.

Thanks for the words of wisdom concerning honor and our Hs. You are right.

Pam

oh RAP, you situation is so similar to mine that it's eerie. These men must have gone to the same school for players!!! xOM wanted me to do "special" things for him too. How's this for a really personal disclosure, my H had been the only sexual relationship for me too and I had never had OS. xOM actually was my teacher. That makes me sicker than I can tell you!!!!!!!!!

Lisa103,

Joint scream of disgust, "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Blech.

Again, special congrats on getting that new job and away from the past. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />